Scorpio rivals Bobby Peru in gross factor: Dirty Harry.

Dirty Harry, 1971, directed by Don Siegel. "A San Francisco cop with little regard for rules (but who always gets results) tries to track down a serial killer who snipes at random victims."

Back in about 1989, my dad took us to some old video store in Willmar that was going out of business. They sold beta tapes; we had a beta VCR. I think Charlie and I each got to pick out a few movies and my dad got himself a box full. Of course it was a fight once we got home over whose film was going in first, and having paid for all of them, Dewey won. He chose this film, and while I wasn't exactly excited about watching it, I did. And loved it. And begged to watch all the sequels (which were also purchased that night). My mother was less than thrilled about this. I think she hates Dirty Harry (or anything with Clint Eastwood) just slightly less than she hates The Blues Brothers, which was another one Dewey, Charlie, and I absolutely loved. . . I'll give my mother credit, we probably made her crazy with all the ridiculous stuff we watched over the years. She picked Sophie's Choice and Terms of Endearment for her choices in the beta box that evening, btw.

Anyway. There are really only two things I'm going to say about this film, other than how much I love it. 

1. When this film came up in school, it was in an American Studies class (not Folwell Hall, surprise, surprise) and it was held as the most definitive example of Right-wing politics invading Hollywood for its time (1971). I sat in that class completely mesmerized, thinking, Jesus H, how did I miss all this? I mean, are you sure? The mayor, yes, was a clueless douche. Overly liberal? I don't know. Scorpio's peace sign belt buckle? Whoopee. Obviously he was not a spokesperson for the San Francisco Hippy movement as HE WAS KILLING PEOPLE FROM ROOFTOPS. AND RAPING 15 YEAR OLD GIRLS. I think the hippies would have passed on him, honestly. Harry's big gun a symbol? Yeah, whatever. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And Scorpio was a goddamned criminal. End of story.

2. Speaking of Scorpio. Whoever they got to write this guy deserves an award for creating the most disgusting character, pretty much ever. It would be a good fifteen years before Lynch and Dafoe brought Bobby Peru into the running, but bloody hell, man! All the smiling and giggling and cackling . . .  "I just wanted you to know something, I've changed my mind! I'm going to let her die!" Said HAPPILY, about Ann Mary Deacon, rotting in the sewer, as if it's amusing! This guy was shittin' awful! It was almost painful how long it took for Harry to just finally end him. Like in 24, with some of those evil villains, the ones you're just praying will meet up with Bauer off the grid? It was fitting that Harry waited until Scorpio thought he had gotten the drop on him before pulling the trigger. Regrettably, it did not take his head "clean off." 

You tried to kill me! 

My favorite moments are Harry's first step onto the scene at the first murder (scowl, always the scowl), and the tossing of his badge into the river after he shoots Scorpio. And pretty much every line he utters during the whole film. . . 70s gold, man, 70s gold.

The Green Zone.

It's official: Matt Damon is the new Jack Bauer.
I very much enjoy this.

Good film. Not very uplifting, of course, but hey, how much entertainment can you get from a movie about a war that was based on a lie. . . ?

Great chase scenes. HOOAH!
(directed by Paul Greengrass).










Green Zone

Let's Just Calm Down.

Holy Effin' TUT. Did anyone else see Bauer last night?

I mean, I know he was pissed, but JEEEEEEEEEEEZ. That was the most disturbing episode of 24 or really anything on television that I've ever seen. Now that I think back on this whole final season, I think it's safe to say that pretty much everything that's happened has been disturbing. Granted, we had some comic relief with Hassan's Esai Morales pomp and of course, The Platypus scurrying around with her webbed feet and eggs in the mud, but damn.

1. Renee getting acquaintance-raped by the Russian.
2. Before that, Renee just slicing off that random shop keeper's finger. Or was it his whole hand?

3. Kim Bauer, again on the show.
4. The fact that they named that little girl TERRY. Okay, that's not really disturbing, but it's cheesy and annoying, so a checkmark nonetheless.

5. The execution of Hassan. Not just because we no longer get to see his pomp, but that his death was brutal and disturbing, and we all know their motivation was a Daniel Pearl-type situation, which is horrible and I thought a bit too harsh and violent for network television.

6. Renee's death was unpleasant as well, but for other reasons. Obviously she was Jack's last thread to civilization and her biting it was the straw that was going to break his back. The fact that he was all disheveled and barefoot in the hospital was also unsettling. Jack Bauer just should not be barefoot.

7. Okay, THAT DAMNED ASSASSIN DEATH SUIT THAT HE PUT ON TO GET LOGAN IN? Um, when that shit came on I can only describe my reaction as backing away slowly from the television and from 24 altogether. Really? That was fricking SCARY. Logan, though he kind of deserved everything he got, and his horrified shriek, "IT'S JACK BAUER!!!" Dude. I think in that state of mind Jack could have offed his own daughter and not even broken his stride. Hmm.

8. Are they going to execute Bauer, crimes against humanity? I mean I don't have much time to waste on 24 theories with LOST on immediately the day after, but how exactly are they going to wrap this up? Taylor is going down. Yuri Suvarov is going down. THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT AARON PIERCE ON AS SECRET SERVICE. Things never would have gotten this messed up if he had been around.

9. I think there needs to be a spinoff with Aaron Pierce just corralling all the stupidity in the US government, don't you?

Peace Out, Platypus.

So Dana Walsh's number was finally up; no silent clock, either. I had to quit watching about ten minutes from the end last night because I was just too tired to go on and had spent, like, hours trying to create a facebook page for my (television lady) self without having to create a whole separate profile, so I just now watched the last ten minutes where Jack puts two in at close range and walks away as if going out for the evening papers.

Platypus really was just a soldier, she probably just needed more money for a better dugout somewhere, and maybe some pedicures for her webbed feet. I will miss her, now that she's gone; she really brought an element of comedy that the show really hasn't had since the Ritchie torture-helmet.

Pity.

ZZZzzzzzzzzz. . . .

Goodness. My eyesight must really be going. I had to enlarge this screen like three times in order not to squint.

Anywho, 24 was a real bore tonight. I'm considering abandoning ship already just from this most recent ridiculously UNINTERESTING badness. I so SO long for the days of President David Palmer, his double-crossing wife, TONY ALMEIDA, and Jack working for CTU. I get that he's just this free agent of the system, a loose cannon not affiliated with any certain agency, but somehow this makes him LESS of a bad ass, if you ask me. At least when he had to answer to someone his rebelious nature and tendency toward unorthodox methods DROVE THE SHOW! Now it doesn't matter if he "goes dark," as he is already dark, always; no one cares! How disappointing. I have a right mind to get the second season (year of the blond Warner girls, Kate being the platypus (eventual) love interest) on netflix and start ENJOYING my Mondays again.

Yes. And speaking of Platypuses, Matt and I figured out that Dana Walsh, the highly distracted analyst with the white trash ex-boyfriend, looks very much like one. We started answering for her whenever she had any dialogue.

1. "Well, I'll help you with that in a moment, Chloe, first I have to go polish my beak."

2. "Yes, Arlo, I'll be right back! (I just have to go and bury my eggs in the mud)."

3. "I can't be on the phone anymore, Kevin, I have an appointment for a pedicure (for my webbed feet)."

I don't think she's ugly. She's actually very pretty, but she has a certain, LOOK to her, and the show is so boring it's forcing me into this.

Getting warmer. . .

This one was way more what I'm talkin' about. . . .
No Kim, minimal Taylor, and something happens! GREAT!

I did kind of enjoy Renee Walker a little bit better with all that black shit on her face; somehow she looks all good and innocent after she washes it off in the shower, which doesn't really jive with what happens next (being made to get busy with the Russian). Why did she need to take a shower anyway? I mean, obviously he wants her junk. Nakedness is not going to help matters.

Jack seems really put off by her having relations with Vlad. He actually is quite convincing as the jealous boyfriend type, maybe because he hasn't yet been able to "deliver" with any of the chicks he shacks up with. . . he just gets his manhood sliced (symbolically) left and right, once you really think about it.
He impregnates his wife, TERRI, but does not get to meet the fruit of his loins as TERRI is killed by NINA, with whom he's also had romantic relations. NINA outsmarts him for 3 seasons before he finally kills her. BLOND GIRL (from season 2) is thrown over by Jack, presumably due to his heroin addiction. CLAUDIA, Mexican girlfriend is killed due to complications during attempted escape during heroin addiction. AUDREY. . . loses her mind trying to get Jack out of China and is incapacitated. That chick he shacked up with (with the teenage son) almost gets gassed to death because of terrorists who want Jack. Not a great track record with the ladies. And now Renee. Lotsa luck, you two.

I also had a chuckle at the Russian hood, to Jack, "du hast eine Amerikanische Accente." "Funny, NOT AS BAD AS YOURS!!"
They could have coached that guy a bit better, Keifer did a way better job with the German lines, if you ask me.

Nice glasses.

I'm getting hopeful. I enjoy how this time around (SO FAR) they've kept all the bad business out of the White House. I just think that's bad for the morale of this country. I mean, we could all sort of buy it back when W. was in there, just because we were living with a moron for a president, so seeing one on 24 wasn't a stretch. Although Allison Taylor was pretty dense last year, I think this could only be seen as a dig toward what I'm sure the writers thought would be the would-be president, Hilary.

I still vote for a comeback by Nina Meyers. BEST. WOMAN. ON THE. SHOW.

2 hours of Bauer.

a few things so far, about 30 minutes in.

1. "JACK BAUER?" how many times can it be uttered?

2. Freddie Prinze is fine, but the girlfriend who also works for CTU is very mannish. A tall, mannish-looking mannequin. I don't want to seem prudish, but somehow I think a more professional dress code needs to be implemented? The sleeveless dress doesn't quite seem office-appropriate for CTU. Leave the jacket on, or take a page out of Renee's book from last year. I can't take you seriously as an CTU analyst when you look like you should instead be an Aveda consultant.

3. Bubba Gump is the director of CTU.

4. Horace (mathematician) from LOST is the Russian terrorist.

5. The "hitter' is very Amanda Plummer in Tales from the Crypt (PEGGY!) creepy. Meredith Michelle Reed. Ick. Blonds don't usually fare well on this show. Kim, the chicks in season 2, etc.

5. Kim Bauer sucks, as usual. Just gross.

6. Kim Bauer's hairstylist on the show has continuously made poor decisions for her, if it's been the same person all this time.

7. Grandpa Bauer? Whose bad idea was this? I hope for the sake of the plausibility of the story here that somehow this granddaughter factors into something significant down the road, otherwise, why, WHY do this? We realize that Jack is getting old, we do not need him in a grandfather role to further confirm this fact. AND NAMED TERRI, of course. This utter ridiculousness is almost completely page for page out of the Twilight books (and that is NOT a compliment). Although if you want to get picky, you could argue that Kim Bauer was the catalyst that set Terri Bauer's ultimate death in motion (I, for one, completely blame Kim openly for this, little spoiled teenage brat that she was, sneaking out in season 1).

8. I think that sawing the Russian's hand off may have been a bit too . . . reckless for Walker, in the first 4 episodes, anyway. She was always the "play by the rules" chick! Perhaps she's turned a corner and gone off the deep end.

9. Back in 2006 when I was (correctly) prophetizing Tony Almeida's eventual return, someone on a myspace group said it would never happen. That it was so far fetched that it would be like Nina Meyers and Ryan Chappelle strolling, arm-in-arm into CTU one day. Given the way that the show has gone in the last two seasons, I no longer think that even THAT is out of line as a plot twist. I actually would welcome Nina's return, joyfully.

10. You might think I am being overly critical of the show. I probably am, but that doesn't mean I still don't love it dearly. I do. There will always be room in my heart for Jack Bauer, no matter how outlandish the show gets.

In the meantime. . .

To all the men I've loved before. . .

Lost Season 5 and 24 episode 4

LOST: fine. A good enough beginning. Kate kind of overreacted to the whole blood test thing, which I'm sure was engineered by Benjamin Linus somehow. Sun, I just feel kind of blah about. So getting revenge is more important than spending time with your daughter? Take a lesson from Beatrix Kiddo: sit in a hotel room, spend your money, and don't look back.

Sayid is the Iraqi Jack Bauer. I love it.


24: That killing of Samantha Roth was unnecessarily brutal. What luck that the secret service guy happened to catch a less than ideal position on the fall over the railing! Now if that first gentleman knows ANYTHING he'll call his WIFE and get someone outside the secret service over the ASAP to see the kid dead with this elaborate scheme all laid out and rubber gloves and plastic wrap still on his person.

I am starting to think that ETHAN is the rat inside the oval office. It obviously won't be the secretary that resigned but someone she thinks is on her side; he fits the bill. Plus he was the corrupt warden in The Shawshank Redemption, some stereotypes you just can't escape. . .

Jack needs to stop being tender with Renee Walker. She honestly believes the FBI ISN'T INFILTRATED? Like David Lynch said about the Iphone. . . GET REAL.

24 Season 7 episode 3

So Jack and Tony storm the embassy to get the prime minister and Prez Taylor is torn about her decision to invade Sengala. I guess I didn't miss THAT much when the cable went out.

This week: Is anyone else having a difficult time buying the whole bit with the "First Gentleman" and this ridiculous plot that killed his son? I mean, yes, I'm sure he's correct in assuming there was foul play, but the secret service just takes him out too? TWO SUICIDES WITHIN MONTHS OF EACH OTHER, IN TIHE PRESIDENT'S FAMILY? Come on.

Also: the writers are painting a clear picture of how INCOMPETENT the FBI and AG offices are. This is every show, every season, every time. We have major issues to deal with but we really want to talk about how this random traffic law got broken or how the warrant wasn't issued in time, etc., etc. How could anyone take this seriously working for the government? You want the problem solved or do you want to sit here and talk about RULES and LAWS? Sorry, we couldn't arrest CHESTER THE MOLESTER in time because Agent Stupes McGee over here tripped over his shoelace and dropped the warrant into the sewer and it took us 12 hours to get a new one. . . .

Jack shooting Renee: Of course he'd have some "secret" way of doing it to make it look like he killed her. I mean, to be fair, he put a bulletproof onto Nina in anticipation of having to do the same thing to her back in season one, but Jack's been around since then, he has his ways. Her blinking eyes through the plastic covering while they were shoveling dirt onto her were a little disturbing but at least she got to live. Obvs Tony is privvy to this also. . . Great morbid ending. She even got a silent clock!

WHO IS THE RAT
1. in the oval office
2. in the secret service
3. in the FBI?

There seem to be more rats this time around than normal people.

Discomfort.

1. The last half of Bauer didn't record properly on the dvr because Fox HD apparently quits working on Sunday and Monday nights if you get comcast. Jerks. Matt chatted with some lame-o tech for like an hour where all they could recommend was that we PING our box. Yeah, No.
So horror of horrors, we'll have to start recording and watching it in regular definition.

2. Sex and the City. The episode with "sexpectations" in the title: Carrie tries to bang Burger and it goes poorly, Samantha picks up Smith Jerrod in the restaurant, Miranda loves her Tivo, and Charlotte becomes a Jew: blah. Miranda actually looked the hottest. I kept wishing Carrie would fall over something and get a huge black eye when she was trying to be seductive and was all drunk.

3. In between this, Soul Food, and John and Kate Plus Eight, I kept flipping back to MIGHTY APHRODITE. Seriously a really funny movie but there are so many uncomfortable moments throughout that I had to change the channel: anytime Helena Bonham Carter said ANYTHING because she was so rambling and nervous and her Mia Farrow-esque American accent was really grating on me, and any scene which included Michael Rappaport doing anything at all. Ugh. Mira Sorvino is so excellent in this, genius.


4. LASTLY: That goddamned skit on SNL with Kristin Wiig playing GILLY? I about barfed. She's hilarious but this last one was so physically gross I had to look away a few times. GAG.

24 Season 7 Premiere, part 1

1. I seriously think the confidence and paranoia surrounding the economy and state of the nation has been in the crapper the last two years because Jack Bauer took such a long hiatus. People need to know that there is someone (even if he's fictional) out there who can save us. I'm not kidding.

2. I knew Tony wasn't dead. I KNEW IT. Furthermore, I knew he would come back as a bad guy. I have proof of this in my myspace blogs from 2006.

3. Janine? So far, so good. I didn't really think I'd dig her, especially in THIS show, where she seemed a little out of place. That said, WHERE THE HELL IS CHLOE? Did CTU really get disbanded? What gives?

4. "I'm gonna enjoy this. . . " grabbing the pen and getting it ready to stick into Gabriel Shecter's eye? Thank God. Jack is fine when he's all controlled and reserved, but it's good to know the good old Jack still exists, deep down.

5. Always: "I THINK THAT'S THE WRONG MOVE." No one else knows what they're doing. Jack is the only one with any knowledge.

6. Am I the only one sitting here wondering how George W. Bush got through major issues like this? As in, how in the world would he have had the abstract thought to not only process information but then ask the necessary questions in regard to how to handle them, what the next move should be, etc.? I just don't see it happening, like AT ALL.

24: Redemption

The 2 hour special: meh. Fine, I guess. I dug it.

MORE IMPORTANTLY: The preview for the upcoming season in January CONFIRMED what I was saying all along FOR YEARS!!!!
Tony Almeida, one of Jack's closest and most competent friends, therefore in his resurrection ONE OF HIS MOST FORMIDABLE ENEMIES?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO!

And yes, it may have seemed a bit far fetched to some (like Nina Meyers and Ryan Chapelle waltzing into CTU arm in arm, I believe one person in my 24 myspace group phrased it) but I am probably older than most average blogging 24 fans. I've lived through DALLAS, people. Remember when they killed Bobby off and the next season totally tanked? Well I DO. I mean Christ, look at how many times they brought back Nina! And JACK? Please. This was going to happen, the only question was when.

WELCOME BACK, TONY. I may or may not love you more now that you're a bad guy.

Back in the USSR.....

Oh Jack, did you really think walking right out the front door was gonna fly? I mean, I saw the previews for next week so I know you get out of it okay, but seriously. I wouldn't want to be held captive by a Russian whose finger you just lopped off.
Hour 12 was nice, here we are, halfway through already. I have to say, I am really digging it with the comeback of Chuck Logan (as Grizzley Bear Jenkins) and Boris The Blade as Gredenko. What a lineup. I am enjoying the parallels between Logan and Jack, the isolation, the beards, the way the goverment had to turn on them both. It's wonderful. Also, who knew how much a nice suit would snazz up ol' Charles L? I mean, Jack in the suit clearly has its merits, but even the buttness of Charles Logan was lessened by getting all gussied up in a suit and tie. Nice work. All I have on the Vice President is this: never trust Powers Boothe. He's snaky and sleezy. I haven't seen much in his repetoire other than Blue Sky and Deadwood, but believe me, the characters he's played in those two pretty well sum it up. He's some real badness.
Someone on the 24blog wondered if this was going to continue straight on its course without any major plot twists or rather turn on its ear in the second half like seasons 3 and 5 both did. To this I have no clue, 24 has a way of sucking me in so deeply that I sort of forget that the old Murphy's Law can come rearing its ugly head at any time. I miss Tony, I miss him so much. I am starting to wonder if Carlos Bernard might be one of those difficult actors; rumors about outlandish behavior are starting to surface. I don't like this. If they bring him back as a terrorist I will jump to the moon, in a good way.

Like being in jail, with the possibility of drowning...

I chose this for my afternoon viewing since HBO on demand displayed a 1hour 38minute viewing time. I guess I shouldn't have expected much from an action film limited to such little screen time, but I was still willing to give it a chance. It was bad. Well, put it this way. It was well done, the bit that we actually see on screen. The problems for me were with the story and how ridiculous it was. I mean, why exactly was this rogue wave just out of no where? Set that up better next time, that way we aren't just sitting around looking really confused and annoyed when a big wave is about three seconds away from destroying the whole ship. They tried to explain it later, after the fact, and yes, we heard how these waves are unpredictable and rare, but still. Then, why exactly did they have to leave the bubbled area where they were able to close the bulkhead doors? Kirk Russel had to find his daughter, but the rest of them? And that woman with her son (who left him alone countless times on the ship both before and after the wave hit, way to go, mother of the year)? It just didn't jive. I was willing to allow the gay architect by Dick Dreyfuss until it then hit me that after that, I kind of liked this movie the first two times I saw it when it was called, "The Towering Inferno," and "Titanic." I mean, I can just hear the pitch to the studios in those terms. Boo. The Towering Inferno had Steve McQueen and Paul Newman. The score to Inferno was lame and it was way too drawn out, but it was more believable, I'll give it that. Blaahh. The postive things I'll say about the film are these: Josh Lucas was lookin' fine, Rico from Six Feet Under had a nasty death scene, and the massive spectacle of the boat was scary once the tut started hitting the fan. Wolfgang Peterson......yee. I mean the effects were nominated for an Oscar, but still. Das Boot war Schlecht.



In other viewings, I happened to catch the last 20 minutes of 24, the bad hour for Chappelle, if you get me.
I found myself getting choked up for the guy, I have to admit. It got me thinking about what my reaction would be if one of my worst enemies was in a similar jam. I don't really have any actual enemies, but I do have someone from my junior high and high school years that I really, really loathe. I don't want her to be killed or tortured, but if it came down to her or the welfare of the country, I'd like to think I'd choose the country. Season 3 has got to be the darkest, most hard core season of 24 so far. It's just really, really negative and hopeless, the entire time. Everyone's got problems. This sort of episodic wonder just gets me so happy and excited. I can't stress enough the love I have for Bauer.



On the subject of love, I watched V for Vendetta yesterday afternoon. A very important film, I think. For every right wing nut job out there, especially the ones who are parents, I would wish just one viewing of this film, noting the reaction. The image of the daughter's framed picture being thrust into the garbage can after her father shuns her for being gay will stay with me forever. How can anyone do that to their own child? In addition to the wonderfully relevent themes, the music and mise en scenes were beautifully done. The dialogue too, all just splendid. Seriously, one of my favorite movies ever.