Machete part 2.

So. Now that I was able to express my aesthetic infatuation with the film, I suppose it's only right that I talk about the other part, the politics.

Aside from calling male filmmakers out on portraying female characters as glory holes, I try to keep this blog light-hearted. But it would be irresponsible of me to yammer on and on about Machete without mentioning the bigger message of the film, which is the immigration issue.

I'm staying neutral in it, but the film definitely causes one to examine what (illegal) Mexican labor means in this country. I think it was the Hungarian bodyguard that said something to the effect of, "you know, we let them build our houses, maintain our lawns, cook our food, take care of our children, but we won't let them be citizens? It doesn't really make any sense." The photo above is of Senator John McLaughlin (DeNiro), whose platform happens to be an electric fence along the US/Mexican border.

My brother deals with this all the time as a chef and a restaurant manager--it's worth considering what would happen if all of a sudden one day every illegal worker just upped and walked off the job. . .

The film showed Mexican day laborers swarming in a huddle, waiting anxiously for someone to come by and offer them work. Luz, Michelle Rodriguez's character, was in charge of The Network, which helped immigrants get across the border to find housing and permanent jobs. It may have been a very specific cross section of the population, and I don't know how realistic it was (I live in Minnesota, far from any state that shares the Mexican border) but the film showed people who wanted to work, who wanted as Luz said, to escape their own personal hells. The standoff at the end is between the illegals and the vigilantes who had been hunting them, interestingly enough, started by Sartana Rivera the Immigration Special Agent (Alba) who incites them to rally, "We didn't cross the border, THE BORDER CROSSED US!" Earlier she had explained to Machete, "the system works here," but apparently changed her mind. Now that I think about it, her change of heart came a little out of no where, but dammit, that battle had to happen somehow, right?

(I can already see Donald shaking his head at all the rule-breaking. . . )

So yeah. I guess there will be things that will certainly bother a lot of viewers about this stuff, but remember, it's a STORY. I don't think realism was what Rodriguez was going for (Machete uses assailant's small intestine for an escape vine out window); wasn't there some bit about Bin Laden in Planet Terror? Zombie Bin Laden?

I don't have a problem with it. But I live in Inception, remember? And sorry, but there is something appealing to me in imagining what would happen if the Edina sector had to suddenly mow their own lawns, cook their own food, and raise their own children. . .

Kingpin. Machete.

This series came out in 2003 and played on NBC.
Unfortunately, it was not picked up as a regular series; I think it would have been a good one. The only problems I had with it were pacing things mostly, items that they could have taken their time with had they had more than six episodes to develop everything.

It's like Traffic meets The Sopranos meets The Wire meets Breaking Bad. Jesse Pinkman even makes an appearance as a pot dealer! The characters were mostly stereotypical and overplayed (hello, Latin hot-heads. How on earth did they ever get anything accomplished with everyone losing their tempers every six minutes?) but I think caricatured people were what made this story what it was. Danny Trejo plays a Voo-doo guy; Sheryl Lee plays the boss's cocaine-addicted wife. And while I was excited to see good old Laura Palmer doing lines again, I have to make a tiny criticism of her general appearance (feminists, go ahead and roast me). She needed to be blonder. If Miguel was going to risk the disapproval of his entire family over this Gringo-American lawyer he was going to marry, she needed to be worth it, you know what I'm saying? Half the time she looked like she just rolled out of bed, and it was kind of a downer. Sheryl Lee is hot, why not show it? In the picture above, she looks great but they never costumed her that way in any of the episodes.

Yancie Arias plays Miguel, and has the perfect look for this sort of character. I found his dialogues and deliveries to be a little "banana in the tailpipe" (as Axel Foley once described), but I still liked him. The brother, Bobby Cannavale, was right on. The music was good, the opening credits were very good. Again, shame it wasn't picked up, this really could have been something.

Okay, Machete. 


And SPOILER, fair warning.


Really, this film was a lot like Planet Terror. I was in the theater, by myself, having a great time, giggling and gasping in equal numbers at everything that was going on. It did not become one of my very, very favorite films until Luz (Shé) came busting out of that ambulance, just busting right the hell out of the double doors. That scene alone fucking ROCKED me. She had just been shot in the eye a few scenes back, and because things move at a pretty decent clip in this film, I had almost forgotten about her because they were all in the middle of a battle. Obviously those who had seen photographs or previews knew that she would at some point make an appearance with an eye patch and a couple of SIG-sauers. I did not see any of this however; for all I knew she had bitten Don Johnson's proverbial bullet. She lived, she came back, and she was amazing.This scene goes among my top five favorites in any film, ever, at number one. 


Jeff Fahey as Michael Booth was almost as amazing. Pulling up to the street where Machete is doing the ally fight and rolling down the window in the Benz? Very suave. Shooting up that meth-house to pull his daughter (Lindsay Lohan) out? Pretty bad ass. I think he honestly did a bang-up job in this film, not just as a crazy old Lapidus but legitimately. 


And Cheech. I have to say that after my girl, Michelle, his scenes were probably the best. "Okay, okay, I absolve you of all your sins, now get the fuck out of here!" Seriously.


Danny Trejo, what can I say? When Matt and I first saw the trailer for Machete (on Grindhouse), we both looked at each other and said something like, "Holy Shit! When the hell is THAT coming out?" The whole thing just appealed to me, the character, the story, and every other outlandish thing that was happening and when I finally got to see it,  I wasn't disappointed. Danny Trejo was a great Machete and a great leading man, despite not being an average Hollywood actor, and certainly not being traditionally beautiful. There is something about him, though, and trust me, I've had the hots for plenty of guys who were not perfect tens, sometimes that something really resonates. 


Sequel, Robert? I'll be first in line.

When September Ends. . .

If there is one thing I can't stand, it's an unfinished to-do list. So I'm extending my September media items through the weekend so I can get to them in good time without having to rush. Despite having picked some real S-H-I-tut for reading material this month, I have had extremely good fortune with William Styron (author of Sophie's Choice) who I may actually be in love with; I'm also planning on watching the film even though I know it's going to make me very uncomfortable. I'm quite looking forward to hearing Meryl's Polish accent though, when she's not sharing the screen with Amy Adams, she's aces in my book.

Also: September being Hispanic heritage month and all, I took up with KINGPIN (the mini-series, not the Randy Quaid/Woody Harrelson) last night. There are three disks, I got them all in a set when Hollywood on Lyndale went out of business earlier this year. It's good! If you like The Godfather, The Sopranos, or Breaking Bad, seriously, give this a try. Danny Trejo and Sheryl Lee are so far, awesome.

Speaking of my boy, Danny, I am actually going to try very hard to see Machete again before October. I just wasn't able to write about it when I got home from seeing it before, nice writer, right? I just burst in the door, Matt could see that I obviously had been crying, and I walked around in a daze for about an hour, trying to explain just how great the film had been but unable. Yes, Machete made me cry. Well, Rodriguezes (Michelle and Robert) made me cry, put it that way. I will write it up, I promise.

MOVING ON:

Thanks everyone who sent me recommendations for "Scariest Film Ever" project. I took them to heart and I've even made a calendar! Some I am looking forward to a lot. Others I am dreading, but I'm a girl of my word, and if I can find them, I'll watch them. I'm just glad no one brought up Paranormal Activity, because I will not watch it. EVER. Once my other list is finished, I'm starting on yours.

However, these are some that did not make the cut this year for whatever reason. Some (like Fright Night) I feel like I write about every other month anyway, if you really want more on any of these, check the 80s horror tag in the labels section over on the right side, I'm sure there's plenty.

1. The Halloween Series (and we're talking John Carpenter, Rick Rosenthal, and Tommy Lee Wallace directing, not Rob Zombie.)
I think these were scary. They were part of that early 80s horror wave that had a tan, grainy look to everything and were just very unsettling.

Michael Myers peeking out from behind the bush and then up from the clothes line outside the window to stalk Laurie Strode? That's a very real, very disturbing kind of horror. That mask is gross. His slow, deliberate movements are scary, especially in the hospital setting in the second film. Somehow the scalpel as a weapon has always really bothered me. The third film was a kind of black sheep, not having anything to do with Michael Meyers or Laurie Strode, but it's still damned creepy. All those little dolls, and robots in that giant factory? And the turning of human beings into what, fleshy roach and worm havens when the laser on the mask "activates"? Yuck. I still remember that long fingernailed hand hanging off the car door at the end, grasping at nothing and then attacking Dr. Challis, or the way the eyes moved back and forth on the severed head lying on the ground. . .

2. Nightmare on Elm Street series. Ah, yes: comedy and horror combine! I found these to have scary moments also, especially the first one. The boiler room played a pretty major part in the first film, giving it a dirty, boiler-y feeling. I think of Freddy making the finger-knives contraption at the opening (with all the grunting) and just shudder. And the creepy hall monitor? One of my favorite moments. I think just before her scene there was another with a student in Nancy's class, reading from Hamlet, maybe? He started out reading normally, but when Nancy falls asleep and starts dreaming, his voice gets very throaty and creepy ". . . because I have bad dreeeeeaaaaaaams!" That part has always bothered me, Tina levitating around in the body bag also. Loved the three-foot long arms in the ally on Freddy.

The second film had some interesting items but was mostly bad: little girl at the breakfast table with sharp, pink plastic fingers she picked out of the cereal box? THESE ARE MY FOO-MAN FINGERS! Robert Rusler as the smokin' hot friend (you may remember him from Weird Science as Mad Max). . . that's about all. Nancy comes back for the third film to join Patricia Arquette and the kid that played Eyeball Chambers in Stand By Me, blah, blah, blah, although I did enjoy the little Elm Street House Kirsten made out of popsicle sticks, good craftmanship. Freddy starts with the comical taunts as he slaughters; "I said, 'where's the fuckin' bourbon?'" "Welcome to the Prime Time, Bitch!"

Four and Five were forgettably bad. Freddy's Dead had a few chuckles (You're Fucked on the map was my personal favorite; "yeah, well, the map says we're fucked!") but that q-tip getting jammed into Carlos's ear was just awful. "You better speak up, looks like you caught my deaf ear!" Freddy exclaims while jiggling around the hearing aid. Yeee. New Nightmare scared me a little, just because of how it steps outside the film franchise and *attempts* reality film, which, as a concept, was still in its infancy in 1994. Anyway, I like Wes Craven, I think he's all right.

3. Friday the Thirteenth Series. Now I know most people out there don't find any of these scary at all, and okay, maybe not, but trust me, there are creepy parts in these films, especially the early ones. Mrs. Voorhees? "Get her mommy, get her, don't let her get away! Kill her, Mommy, KILL HER!" Yuck. There is a part in the very first film where the mother is looking for Alice, discovers that she's in the closet with the door barricaded, chops all of the stuff out of the way and then does this disgusting excited smirk-sigh when she finally sees her hovering in a corner inside. Fucking GROSS! Charlie made me watch that face, probably ten times in a row, rewind, rewind, rewind. Ugh.

There's also a part in the second film where Amy and Paul go back to the cabin after running through the woods. Everyone else is dead, and they're planning their escape or standoff, whichever, and Amy suddenly stops and says, "Something's not right. Something's not right in here, Paul." Yes, well, Jason in his dish towel face-wrapping (this was before the hockey mask years) was lurking in the corner, so yes, something definitely was not right. I just think it was a really real response to what was going on, and it showed that danger could almost be palpable or something. Heavy, I know.

4. 28 Days Later. I think I watched this for the first time in Hawaii. And I was actually terrified. INFECTED-eds! There is no humor in this film whatsoever, which usually is the way of Zombie films, whether or not it's intentional. I have not seen the sequel, nor do I plan to. . .

5. Fright Night. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is seriously one of my favorites. "Hello, Charlie. I know you're there. I can see you." Long fingernails pulling down the window shade? Chris Sarandon as Vampire Jerry Dandridge is kind of sexy. I said kind of; Eric Northman was still decades off at this point so you had to take it or leave it. Evil Ed? Great lines. +50 for Marcy Darcy as Amy. Red eyes shining in the dark next door at the end still freak me out. . .

6. Alone in the Dark. Now, I haven't actually seen this one, but it's part of a compilation documentary on horror films that I have seen (see #7 below), and the scenes from it have always scared me. Martin Landau apparently plays some escaped mental patient who, together with two others, stalks his psychiatrist. The only scene I can remember is Landau becoming obsessed with the mail carrier's hat and then running the guy down with his van in order to swipe it off his head. Has anyone seen this?

7. Terror in the Aisles. If you like 80s horror, watch this. It's one of my favorites, and will forever remind me of the video store when it was inside 9th Street Boutique. Charlie, Erica, and I watched this I'm sure a hundred times (which was normal, if we liked a film).

Machete: Bulls Eye.

Machete: Bulls Eye.

Opening credits = absolutely amazing. Don Johnson is a great villain.

Machete: Bulls Eye.

 

I am seriously considering going again.

Progress.

Started the diving turtles last night! I would have rather been at Machete, but hey, this was nearly as much fun.

This is Exciting. . .

Jeff Fahey apparently has a big role in it, too!
See you there?