Everything I watched in the theater this summer

 I honestly hate how fast this summer has gone. I always say I need 3 Julys back-to-back before I'm ready for it to be August and this current summer has me feeling that more than ever. My psych program has relaxed a little lately in that I'm basically done with core classes, but my clinical practicums always overlap and I never really get a break from one to the next. This year was ideal because my placement was within walking distance of my house and during the summer I was done for the week by 3pm on Wednesday. This is still all unpaid, mind, so there's that challenge, but the upside is I had time to go on bike rides, read, rewatch Dexter and Twin Peaks, get an AMC A-List Membership, and play Guitar Hero Van Halen with my sons (they are so much better than me it's embarrassing). 

Anyway. I'm holding onto the last 2 weeks of summer, I guess because I have enjoyed how my time has gone. There is plenty I have NOT enjoyed, clearly. Most of what's been going on in this country is very upsetting and continues to be. I think I went to the theater as much as I did because it helped me to both escape and regulate. I cried so much that first month, sometimes even at trailers. Here are some very short thoughts on everything I went to at Southdale, starting at the end of May. 

1. Jane Austen Wrecked My Life

Favorite film this year. I had a good time writing about this one. Every setting so lovely; smart people + books + writing = wins. *****

Go to therapy. Please.

 2. Friendship

 Sad and not one bit comical, although as a production it was put together fine. ***

 3. Sinners

 Loved the story, loved the people, loved the music. *****

 4. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning

I was enjoying this very much until I got a text from my daughter that said: Can you come get me? I can't SEE. I left to get her at school, where she had somehow flung a piece of wood from a stick playing pickleball into her eye. 

Her vision was fine in the end. 

5. Bring Her Back

Is this body horror? So much visceral grossness. I also can't handle horror premises around child abuse. Again, put together well but crossed too many lines for me. ***

Cousin Matthew as Hot Priest

6. The Ritual

Also visceral but somehow more tolerable. Oh those Iowa Catholics! ****

7. Thunderbolts

Fine, I guess. Early vomiting sound design did not need to be that realistic, tbh. ****

8. Materialists

Meh characters, meh film. However, Dakota Johnson is very aesthetically pleasing. ***

9. The Life of Chuck

Not nearly enough Tom Hiddleston but whatever. I enjoyed the message. ****

10. 28 Years Later

Not nearly enough Ralph Fiennes but whatever. I enjoyed the message. ****

11. M3GAN 2.0 

Not as scary as the original (or at all, really), but fun. Not fun driving home at 50 mph down side streets with Edina, Richfield, and Minneapolis all blaring their tornado sirens afterward. ***

12. Jurassic World Rebirth 

I kind of felt bad for the dinosaurs, tbh. They were clearly rejected and some of them were . . . a bit difficult to look at. How many of these films do we need, really? *** 

13. Ballerina

Fine, I guess. As with the John Wick series, I get very antsy with the slow, drawn-out deliveries. RED BULL! ***

He's a punk rocker, yes he is

14. Superman

This was good, although I wish I would have just enjoyed it in the moment rather than spending so much time trying to analyze it. The ending and song were the best combo they could have possibly picked. ****

15. I Know What You Did Last Summer

Fine. Not as smart as the first one but still nostalgic and fun. ***

16. Eddington 

It wasn't bad, I just couldn't stand to be in that world for that long. Left after an hour. 

17. The Naked Gun 

I laughed. A lot. Pamela is cute-funny; Liam is serious-funny. ****

18. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning

I went back and really liked it. Claustrophobic submarine antics > Overlong plane chase antics ****

She may have forgotten her long legs but remembered her sticks

19. Weapons

Favorite horror film ever in a theater. Scary AND funny. Lost count of how many times characters and viewers together asked WHAT THE FUCK?, but it was a lot. I sat by some excitable 20-year-old and her boyfriend and we had fun being the easiest jump-scare targets in the place. Gladys (Amy Madigan) was immediately familiar to me as Chanice (Uncle Buck) and Sam's mother Mary Taggart (ER). YIKES.*****

Friday the 13th, 1-6

The last time Cameron and I got together for a video discussion was in late July of 2022. I had picked up COVID on an 18 hour flight from Johannesburg to Atlanta and started coughing so hard (from yapping) that we had to stop. Had I known we both had such a love for Part VI: Jason Lives, I would have pushed for this a lot sooner! I remember doing a few solo vids on TikTok during the Friday the 13th of January 2023 after one of my professors inspired me by signing off an email with a dancing Jason gif, but I recall spending most of my time on Ginny from part II and not a whole lot else. I feel torn between doing this again, paying to tribute to Megan, from VI, my other favorite final girl, or just keeping consistent with the Amy Steele love fest and diving into her performance as Kit in April Fool's Day. MAYBE BOTH.

Jane Austin Wrecked My Life

I feel like I've been crying all day. First I went to this film and then I came home and watched the first episode of this season's Handmaid's Tale so the works just keep on watering. I made the decision to start seeing films in the theater again, which I'm a little sad about not getting to do for free anymore since my daughter no longer works at AMC, but whatever. One of the happiest times in my recreational life was when I signed up for the 3-a-week subscription back in 2018 and went to several morning matinees while my kids were in school. I don't think I even wrote about most of them, I just went and watched, taking it all in the moment, I guess. As I am in a holding pattern with two things with my school program right now and recovering from a very rough spring semester (mostly due to a few of my organs deciding they'd had enough of my bullshit and consequently failing/inflaming), I thought it appropriate to seek out as many happiness-producing activities as possible. Turns out you can't just drink for ten years and then ignore your self-care because you're busy. Or at least I can't. 

Anyway, I re-upped the theater subscription; this time you get 4 a week! I will miss having my daughter as a wingman for everything I see, but she's onto bigger and better things and she actually prefers the Edina, now, with its Overlook Hotel writing desk stage upstairs. We used to stop at the bougie Kowalski's in Southdale for Starbies, sushi, and hot cheetos before every film last summer. I love those memories, just like I loved the times I went all those years ago, by myself. 

This film was such a perfect beginning to my summer. I seriously wanted to live inside it, forever. 

Jane Austin Wrecked My Life, 2024. 

Written and directed by Laura Piani 

This film is about books and writing with lovely musical interludes of importance thrown in at pivotal moments. As it takes place in France and is mostly in French, it is a beautiful example of what people do in countries where reading and intelligence and empathy still rank as desirable acts/attributes. It's such a visually beautiful film (French streets, all the books everywhere, Jane Austin's house and all its literary-ness and antiques), it could have well been silent and still been a lovely experience. There were lingering shots of many different decorative elements in the different settings, almost feeling like flipping through very well-composed still photos, and beyond the visuals, the story is emotional and funny. I haven't had the experience of not wanting a film to end in a long, long time, but I wanted to stay with this. It made me want to stay in a fancy house or a little European cafe and read books for days. This is decidedly OPPOSITE of the vibe in America right now. Agathe (Camille Rutherford) says at one point that literature, for her, is like an ambulance speeding through the night that is meant to save people. I think that was the exact moment I started crying (although I came close early on when there was revealed to be a piano *that she plays* in the bookstore). There are no pictures of this piano online yet, nor is there any information about the sonata she plays repeatedly throughout the film. 

I need this title. Someone?

Hella Nopes + Wambsgans

My husband would have said, "wow, that's too bad,"
thrown some loose change at them, and
slammed the door.

1. Knock at the Cabin (2023) d. M. Night Shyamalan

Family goes to cabin; 4 randos show up and demand one of the dads kill either the other dad or the child to stop the end of the world.

This was put together well (aside from weird extreme closeups in the very beginning) and I probably would have liked it maybe 10 years ago because omg what an interesting, high-stakes mythology! But now, today, this feels very much like Cult Initiation 101 and after all that has happened in the last 7 years, the writing feels irresponsible. I realize that worrying over whether or not some zealot out there is going to take this seriously is probably not a big enough reason to pan a film, but I have concerns for very specific and gullible members of the population and I honestly can't believe this is a 2023 narrative. Just quit trying to freak people out this way, they've HAD ENOUGH! This was like Saw but with religion.

RUN. 

2. ER, season 13 (2007)

"It's giving old, creepy Malucci."

My daughters are rewatching this and it's always been this exact season where I quit giving a shit about the show. I don't even think I watched it full to the end, to be honest, and this upsets me because I absolutely count the first 10 seasons as one of my best shows, ever. Abby Lockhart is 100% my favorite character, ever, and I wish she would have stayed in psych with her perfect cardigan and all her experience and empathy. What a god.

A. The change in the opening credits was bad, someone on Reddit said it was to make room for more ads. WHY.

B. Tony Gates as some sort of rebooted Clooney bad boy was annoying. Bonus negatives for Stamos, who is very problematic (look him up, JANE magazine interview), any time, anywhere. BYE.

C. No more Greene, Corday, Benton, Chen, or Romano, Weaver is hardly in any episodes, they need Carter. Abby and Luka are good, keep them along with Sam, Pratt, Neela, Ray, and Morris but Abby is just a doctor now. Not a nurse becoming a doctor, not a resident doing psych and NICU rotations. I want more for her, not just a surprise pregnancy. And there could have been multiple episodes about Darfur, not just a couple. 

GET IT RIGHT.

3. If There be Thorns by V.C. Andrews

I cannot believe this even exists. I read it in middle school (!), then again in college with my roommate where we would circle ridiculous stuff in the text and make comments on the story in the margins, and now I'm reading it again. This is the third book in the Flowers in the Attic series (4th if you count Garden of Shadows first, chronologically and I hate myself for knowing this) where Cathy's ten-year-old son, Bart, goes off the fucking rails after Grandmother Corrine moves in next door. Bart is moody and unloved (by stepfather Chris and Cathy, who seem to prefer Jory, the older brother and Cindy, a little girl Cathy adopts. Chris and Cathy are yes, brother and sister and yes, MARRIED) so his initial interactions with Corrine seem hopeful because he's finally getting attention from someone but lo and behold John Amos, the Foxworth's butler, decides to groom Bart to become the next Malcolm Foxworth, forcing him to read the old diary, speak in his voice, and grow to hate all women for bothering to exist. 

I have a lot of sympathy for children going through struggles with parents, and many times kids with the biggest problems come off as extremely unlikeable to most people, but mental health struggles aside, there were very few redeeming qualities to Bart (to the point of me thinking GOD just let it end), and the Malcom stuff was weird and confusing. At various times in the story this change in Bart was presented as 1. He accepted what John Amos was selling and decided at 10 to be like, sounds good, Imma hate women and be like my great-grandfather, 2. A sort of supernatural possession of Bart by Malcom, or 3. An actual second personality in line with dissociative identity disorder, Malcom a second side of Bart, who was always aware of the presence (making it decidedly not DID). If I had to guess, she was going for all of these things under the umbrella of "this is what happens when you do incest," (even though Bart was conceived through Cathy's affair with her mother's husband Bart Winslow, not her own brother). See? GRANDMOTHER OLIVIA WAS RIGHT! 

Clearly I missed everything messed up about this book the first time, slightly less the second time, but this thing is off the charts ridiculous. Chris and Cathy seemed to ignore tons of red flags throughout the story just because Bart was already slightly unpleasant, and that makes me sad, but overall the story was a giant ICK.The continued incest, the abuse toward animals and Cindy, and most of all the indoctrination of a little kid into said abuse plus misogyny. I know I was just looking for creepy locked-in-the-attic stuff the first 2 times reading it, since that's what I thought these books were about, but my god, how clueless was I to be reading through this at 12, "yes, all these things are fine because SCARY BOOK!" Also, not a single adult, anywhere, thought this might be an issue because everyone I knew was reading these also.

Christ. 

4. The Idol

Just NO. That's all.

5. Succession

So enough time has gone by where I am able to think more about Succession and Tom Wambsgans. Yes, I made a video freaking out about how cringey he was and how he was one of the worst people on the show, but I am going to retract that. Sometimes I get it wrong. 

Tom Wambsgans was at times annoying, and I still have a problem with how he treated Greg (manipulation, water bottle assault, the bodega sushi issue, etc.), but I have come to appreciate his character as one of the only ones that reacts to the disturbing elements of both the business and the Roy family with any sort of emotion or empathy. This sets him apart from Kendall, Shiv, and Roman as they also realize their lives are disturbing and problematic yet they just continue to try to one-up each other in the race to see who can get the attention of Logan (King disturbing and problematic). While the siblings try to become more like Logan, Tom tries too, but it's a challenge for him and he consistently acts out, usually targeting Greg in the process. This is not unlike the Patrick Bateman situation in American Psycho where he wanted to be noticed so much in a money-obsessed, materialistic environment that he became a serial killer and still no one cared. Tom pretends he's like the Roys, even wants to be like them, but he's not. Shiv wants an open marriage; he feels guilty after hooking up at his bachelor party and turns down the 3-way on the boat. He doesn't want to go to prison over the cruise line issues but offers to do it for Logan. He helps Logan in the bathroom with care and tenderness none of Logan's own children would have been able to match. This is not to say Tom doesn't have the ability to become more heartless and Roy-like with time, especially considering the finale (no spoilers) but yeah. 

I am kind of okay with him now. And it has totally nothing to do with (below). 

6. Pride and Prejudice (2005) d. Joe Wright

I rewound this scene and watched it 3 times after finishing the film. I just . . . 

Scarwid, Tilly, Scarwid

Three weeks ago, my Tuesday film group chose Mommie Dearest. I was really looking forward to it but then realized I had mixed up this film (which I'd never seen before) with Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Child abuse stories are not really my thing, but I made it through okay, I guess. After this selection I was up to choose so naturally Psycho 3 was my obvious follow-up choice as how else would one follow up a Diana Scarwid viewing (other than to jump into LOST's 3rd season where she plays Isabelle, Juliet's nemesis among the others)? Psycho 2 ended up happening in between the two for continuity's sake as my two friends decided they wanted the context before watching 3. I'm disappointed to say they did not enjoy the experience of these two sequels as much as I did, but I suspect this is because they have no personal attachment to the films and they need to follow my example and watch them each 20 times more (faithful readers know I've written about both of them on numerous occasions). 

THAT POOR GIRL.

Mommie Dearest 1981, d. Frank Perry

Written by: Christina Crawford (book), Frank Yablans (screenplay)

Starring: Faye Dunaway, Diana Scarwid, Steve Forrest

Summary: "The abusive and traumatic adoptive upbringing of Christina Crawford at the hands of her mother, screen queen Joan Crawford, is depicted," (IMDB).

Yeah, I can't really do a proper review on this without putting out a giant trigger warning for the extremely intense nature of the child abuse scenes that pretty much happen the entire film. At the hands of Joan Crawford (Dunaway), adopted daughter Christina (Mara Hobel and Scarwid) suffers: Withheld affection and general care, neglect, imprisonment, forced meal of rare steak (not preferred), forced meal of day old rare steak (after two refusals), traumatic hair removal, assault with wire hangers, humiliation, withholding of necessary financials, persistence of rare steak being forced meals even into adulthood, verbal abuse, physical abuse, general instability and inconsistency.

QUEEN.

Does the film competently portray these events? Yes. The production is solid. The sets are very impressive, Dunaway is physically and emotionally brilliant, and both Christinas (Hobel and Scarwid) pull off amazing performances. But make no mistake, this is not an enjoyable experience. Had I not known this was based on the real Christina Crawford's experiences with her mother I may have been slightly less disturbed, but fiction or non-, this is an extremely hard to stomach story. Honestly, I'd prefer The Human Centipede. 

Psycho 2 1983, d. Richard Franklin 

Written by: Tom Holland, based on characters by Robert Bloch

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Meg Tilly, Vera Miles, Robert Loggia, Dennis Franz

Summary: "After twenty-two years of psychiatric care, Norman Bates attempts to return to a life of solitude, but the specters of his crimes - and his mother - continue to haunt him," (IMDB). 

What else can I write about this, after years of writing about it? I still think it's a good film. A good sequel (not to be held to Hitchcock technical standards, OBVS) and a good standalone. It's scary! The story took Norman Bates and put him back in circulation so the world could mess with him a little, and we the audience get to re-experience all the fun stuff from the first film (Norman and Lila, the motel and the fruit cellar, Mother's outfit, etc.) but with a lighter, 80s vibe. 

Speaking of 80s, Mary Loomis (Meg Tilly) has a string of outfits that belong in my Pinterest. I didn't think of this in time to get any still photographs of the clothes, but blue, cranberry, and gold cowl necks with broach pins, I think she has a cute little ensemble with a beret? One of these days I might re-watch again and draw out her outfits, fashion-plates style.  

The scary parts for me are the murders, of course, but they were made more intense by the music, or in some cases just the sound design. The noises in the fruit cellar when the two kids sneak in to mess around are creepy: first the girl hears something in the next room, then we get the clacking of the shoes as Mother (Emma Spool, who looks a little tall, tbh) walks by, and then the wood pile disassembling, the squeaking of the guy's fingers down the window, and the wet squelches of the knife going into his back, repeatedly. Yikes. 

There are fun musical moments that depict Norman's slide into confusion with a lot of synthesizer effects (investigating or revealing), nostalgic, happier memories (finding Mother's room all fixed up), and up and down emotion (Beethoven on the piano). 

The cast of actors throw out a high-level collection of performances, they seem to play well off each other (although I didn't like hearing about how Anthony Perkins was mean to the young Meg Tilly), and everyone is interesting, even down to the crabby old Stockard Channing lookalike waitress, Myrna (Lee Garlington). There are moments of cringe, most of them with the way certain people are stabbed, pretty visceral and hard-core, but there is subtlety in some of the scares, too. Mother's notes, the slow way Mother (Mary, in Mother's clothes) hovers in the window looking out, and the confused hand-switching phone calls that seem to launch Norman back into insanity each time (who even is calling him the first time, is it Emma Spool?). Little moments that take their time. It's a lengthy film, just under 2 hours, but if you're into it, you savor every one of those moments. 

Although I enjoy it, I can see how newcomers to the film might feel a little bit blindsided by the ending, my friends both seemed to be, because Emma Spool isn't highlighted very much and she does disappear for nearly the entire film after her handful of scenes early on. If you do go back and keep an eye on her, you'll see that she's really the only one who supports Norman right off the bat, seems a little scowl-y when Norman sticks up for Mary (!) after the broken plate, and was the last one standing by the ticket wheel when Mother's note went missing. Not overt foreshadowing, but you know, subtle hint-dropping.

And finally, I just love Meg Tilly, then and now. Check out her lovely YouTube channel, Meg's Cozy Tea Time and enjoy her quirky, fun, wholesome stories about writing, tea, acting, and her family! 

<<<<<-------Also enjoy this shot of Warren Toomey's amyl nitrate, photo credit by "Toasted Cheese Sammich" from my Tuesday group.

Psycho 3 1986, d. Anthony Perkins

Written by: Charles Edward Pogue, based on characters by Robert Bloch

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Diana Scarwid, Jeff Fahey

Summary: "Norman Bates falls in love with a fallen nun who stays at the Bates Motel
alongside a drifter and a curious reporter. Meanwhile, "Mother" is still watching," (IMDB). 

Side note: I never really thought about the significance of having Maureen Coil (Scarwid), lookalike to Marion Crane and Norman's love interest, be a failed nun. I mean, I guess if there was one perfect girl for Norman, a religious, naive virgin who can't dance and still wears puffy-sleeved dresses would be a hit. Not in Mother's eyes, though. 

Anyway, if you thought Psycho 2 was outlandish, I can't imagine what you're going to think of this. Dead nuns right off the bat. Good old Norman, filling taxidermy birds' sawdust with his peanut butter spoon. DWAYNE DUKE (Fahey), MY FRIENDS JUST CALL ME DUKE (complete rant on him, below). Tracey Venable (Roberta Maxwell) and her smart mouth talk and bad dresses/hair that make her look 83 years old. The killings (or attempts) start early and they roll hard the entire film. Apparently Norman's . . . appetites are a little less controlled now and really any woman just bothering to exist in his presence is fair game, all prompted by "Mother's" angry urgings, of course. 

I thought Scarwid did a great job, here. She played innocent and vulnerable really well and her very specific voice was perfect for Maureen. Nice little Arbo-gast tumble down the steps there (with added Cupid's arrow), too. Poor Maureen.

Overall, the scary moments are fewer in this film, probably to make room for all the sexual weirdness someone decided was a good idea. "Mother" is kind of scary, but she's kind of funny, too. "Stand up straight and wipe your snotty little nose!" I mean, whatever. We KNOW she's stuffed Emma Spool, but I think keeping her face hidden or in the dark until the reveal in cabin 12 was smart. The female-voiced chanting music during the spy session into Maureen's room was creepy, and I think it returned late in the game during Norman's drive out to the swamp and it always gave me the chatters. Really the entire cabin 12 scene has always really freaked me out, just the strange vacant smile Norman has as he walks down there along with the color of the scene itself, first kind of green and then dark and shadowy when we know that no one's around and "Mother," who we know cannot have written the note on the table or have just walked off somewhere, missing in action. It's just an icky, disturbing kind of suspense and I both love and hate it. 

Bringing me to DUKE. Trashy-hot but seriously: 

*Would-be rapist

*Maker of PORN COLLAGE that spans the walls of the inside of cabin 12 as well as a RANDOM LAMPSHADE. He rolls into the Bates Motel, gets hired, and the next night when he brings home his unnamed companion, there it is. Clearly he unpacked his bags and got right to work on it. So devoted to his porn collage! What a guy.

*Five dollar thief

*Extreme jerk (post-coitus) to unnamed companion, eventually becoming verbally and physically abusive. Had he allowed her to stay in his room or engaged nicely in the conversation she seemed intent on starting, she might have lived a little longer. As it was, Norman really had to make a statement and put his fist through the phone booth before actually murdering her. Why? Dramatic flourish, I guess. Talk about wrong place at the wrong time.

*Sufferer of radical personality change halfway through film after seeing "Mother" up in window during thunderstorm homecoming night. Quiet and polite during police questioning of Norman (re: Patsy, the toilet victim) but suddenly manic, sweaty, and crazed for the cabin 12 meet-up for the battle of "Mother's" corpse. Did he get into Toomey's old stash of uppers somewhere? WHY THE CHANGE? I mean at least we got to see some of his songwriting in action, but still. 

*And ultimately, forever swamp-dweller. RIP, Duke. You sucked. 

The ending, starting with Venable and the tire iron, is scary. Seeing Norman dressed up, grinning, and speaking in Mother's voice is scary. Every time I want her to not go into the house, to just drive away and drop the whole thing but no. Although Norman straightening the painting Venable knocked askew is still one of my favorite moments of the film. At least she lived to tell the tale.

So there you have it. It's nice (for me, anyway) to know that certain 80s films still provoke such rants, decades later. Does anyone else love these? I want to know you if you do.

Bad Times at the El Royale

This film is a vibe for a couple different reasons. First, I went to it in the theater as a morning matinee back when I was on the AMC Stubs monthly program (unlimited films for $25!) and really enjoyed it and I really like thinking back to that time in my life. I only had one grad class, was working part time nights, and my kids were all in school every day so I just spent my weekdays going to whatever films were showing in the morning. Jesus, what a life! Why did I stop doing this, exactly? And second, I grew up in a small town that had a very seventies-holdover supper club and motel called The Sheep Shedde that was like a low-rent, small town version of the El Royale. Upon this reviewing I found myself longing for the old place, which has since been updated from its 70s design and decor, and wishing I could actually spend time inside a real El Royale (although it wasn't a real structure, only a set built for the film). If I had millions of dollars I would buy that place and live there. Tri-colored panes of vertical decorative windows and CALIFORNIA/NEVADA-SHAPED KEYS FOR EACH ROOM! 

Bad Times at the El Royale, 2018 d. Drew Goddard

Written by: Drew Goddard

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Cynthia Erivo, Jon Hamm, Dakota Johnson, Chris Hemsworth

Summary: Early 1970s. Four strangers check in at the El Royale Hotel. The hotel is deserted, staffed by a single desk clerk. Some of the new guests' reasons for being there are less than innocent and some are not who they appear to be," (IMDB). 

Be patient with this! It takes its time and scatters its payoffs all the way through, but this film is a mighty good story. Five good stories wrapped up in one, actually, but that's why you need to be patient, each one of the characters is important enough to come with a history, and each history plays a huge part in the characters' actions once at the El Royale. Bring snacks, take breaks, or rewind certain parts if you need to, but stay with it! The story is clever and brilliantly told but you have to pay attention. Long films that take a while to get going can be difficult to stay the course through, but that's where the technical stuff comes in for periodic hits between the measured storytelling.

I mean, look at these: 

The music, whether it's pop selections from the 70s era or instrumental fill, is always interesting. Darlene Sweet (Cynthia Erivo), the vocalist, carries whatever scene she's in by simply being there, whether it's singing or speaking, her voice is captivating. The pop selections chosen do a lot in the way of establishing the timeframe but also in giving the film a hip sort of relevance that the scenery couldn't swing on its own. The grandness and preserved look of the El Royale seems to be straight out of a Kubrick film, which holds true throughout as the sinister nature of the hotel is eventually uncovered bit by bit, but at the same time, the characters reflect on their choices and experiences, bringing in pieces of the outside world (pop music, former relationships, medical diagnoses) the importance of which doesn't quite make itself known until the last third of the film. I watched True Romance a few days ago and this story felt like a stylized, longer version of that, with muted colors, smarter people, and less Tarantino/Scott but more Kubrick/Soderbergh. 

The actors all had great chemistry together; the theme of evil or decay is worth examining (El Royale as a place where all potential, past and present, goes to die/the white male capitalist system has ruined everyone, even those who sought to exploit it), and as I've said, the visuals are brilliant. For those with the attention span, a veritable feast for eyes, ears, and brain! 

P.S. I don't really agree with the Chris Hemsworth/heavy marketing they decided to go with for this, I mean I get that he sells tickets just by his aesthetic but he was a supporting character, not a lead, and his scenes were by far the least interesting and my least favorite (until the very end, I suppose). 

All My Vampers

Ever since I heard True Blood's Andy Bellefleur (Chris Bauer) first pronounce the word vampire, "VAMPER" I have adopted it as my preferred way of saying it. I have to remind myself to actually say vampire when it comes up outside my own home, which is a lot more often than I thought it would be. This is not unlike Mark Borchardt stubbornly calling his film Covin,  COE-VIN, which I also do. 

Salem's Lot, 2004 d. Mikael Salomon

Written by: Stephen King (novel); Peter Filardi (teleplay)

Starring: Rob Lowe, Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer, Samantha Mathis, Andre Braugher

Does a Stephen King adaptation even need a summary? Bodies start piling up as a mysterious newcomer stalks a small North Eastern town. And as always, there's a writer.

This somehow made it onto my Netflix disk queue and was delivered the week after I finished rewatching The Twilight Saga. Someone, somewhere must have recommended it to me, although I think my Netflix queue still has stuff on it from 2010 that is just now coming up. 

I don't really have a ton to say about it; even though it's a 2004 production, the vibe is very much cheesy 80s film that you don't get too mad about or invested in. There are very good parts: the casting was interesting, the timeframe was updated from the seventies to (then) modern times, and Donald Sutherland as bad guy Striker seemed to really have fun with this role (the scene of him giddy and scampering up the stairs after a victim made me laugh, a lot).  There are also bad parts: the writing of the relationship between Dr. Jimmy and Sandy was cringe-worthy, the Ben Mears voiceover was mostly lame, and I keep waiting for someone to put the knives-under-the-vanishing-stairway bit from the book into a film adaptation (this didn't), but overall I still enjoyed the experience. This is exactly the kind of film we would watch for our Tuesday group and either spend the whole time overanalyzing or laughing at everything. I actually really dug the ending. My husband had the idea for Ben Mears (your favorite and mine, Rob Lowe) to shout out "Let's Rock," in conversational tone every time they went to kill a new vampire. Yes, everything Rob Lowe does must be related back to St. Elmo's Fire, forever. 

In terms of the vampire genre, I think True Blood might have ruined me a little when it comes to fangs. The retractable (kind of sexual) obviousness of all the Bon Temps Vampers' fangs springing out left and right made me realize that fangs are important. I'm not saying they need to be that clicky or anything but good fang work must be written into the special effects budget. Otherwise the killings are basically zombies who bite necks, why even bother with it? 

The fang work in this film was adequate (Rutger Hauer wore them beautifully), just like the fangs in The Lost Boys were good if a little thick, but I go back to one of my favorites again and again for both fangs AND creepy claw nails, and that's the original Fright Night. Chris Sarandon as Jerry Dandridge is one of my favorite vampires,ever---attractive and creepy. Enough time has passed for me to try the remake starring Colin Farrell again, which I don't particularly remember digging too much, so maybe look for that this fall when I get into the horror lists properly. 

Cameron (Obnoxious and Anonymous) and I discussed the Twilight Saga a few days ago, and obviously, the attractive aesthetic is alive and well with these vampires with added sparkle and eye-change features, but seriously, had there been a little more attention devoted to fangs, I think it would have elevated the vampires, specifically their fight scenes, to the next level. 

Though I realize I'm missing the Wheadon series (I know, I'm getting to them), I decided to list my favorite vampire experiences in film, television, and books below. Tell me what you think I should do next! 

1. Fright Night (1985 film)

2. I Am Legend (book by Richard Matheson)

3. Dracula (book by Bram Stoker)

4. The Lost Boys (1987 film)

5. Dracula (1992 film)

6. Nosferatu (1922 film)

7. True Blood (television series) 

8. Fevre Dream (book by George RR Martin)

9. The Passage Triology (books by Justin Cronin)

10. I Am Legend (2007 film)

11. The Twilight Saga 

12. The Southern Vampire Mysteries (The Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris)

13. From Dusk Til Dawn (1996 film)

14. "The Reluctant Vampire" (Tales from the Crypt Episode)

In the meantime, if you're down for a nice long chat about The Twilight Saga, check out our discussion (I think I only slip and say "Vamper" once!").

So This Exists

I don't give very many bad reviews. Back when I was actually paid to review films I remember doing only two that could be considered negative, but I was respectful and made sure to give equal attention to the good things that happened. Then my Tuesday group watched this:

Victims for Victims: The Theresa Saldana Story, 1984. d. Karen Arthur, written by Arthur Heinemann

"The true story of the brutal attack on actress Theresa Saldana by an unbalanced fan. As a result of her ordeal and its aftermath, Saldana becomes involved in the victims' rights movement." (IMDB)

Here's where things get difficult for me. As a humanist-centered film writer, I try to look for the lesson, the theme, the link to humanity at large that might offset a film's other shortcomings. With this, the only real lessons are, don't get stabbed, and don't trust your insurance, I guess. That's not all that appealing for someone who loves film or humanity. I'd rather write when I'm inspired, not bored to tears or at odds with the content.

For instance, I tried like hell to put something together for Revenge of the Nerds a few weeks ago, a film I really like, but because of two violating situations (videotaping the Sisters of Pi, naked, and Lewis tricking Betty Childs into having relations with him in the moon room thinking he's Stan, her boyfriend), I just couldn't talk about it the way I would have done maybe 10 years ago so I skipped it and waited for something else to come along I could get excited about. 

I can't say I'm excited about this film, but I have been thinking about it, so here we are, and here are the shortcomings: 

1. The victim, Theresa Saldana, plays herself. I'm not a practicing mental health professional (yet) but this seems . . . problematic. We learn at some point in the film that she needs cash since her insurance is, surprise, taking forever and placing a lot of limits on what care Theresa can receive, but yeah, NO. If I had to list five of the worst things that ever happened to me and then act them out in front of a camera for money, I'd take a hard pass. And honestly, this film could not have resulted in a huge number of dollars for anyone involved. Exploitation. 

2. Sometimes crimes are just sudden, jarring, and disruptive but not exactly cinematic or even interesting as a film-length story. The stabbing of Theresa Saldana was such a crime. The creep that stabbed her hung around her place for a while, stalking, eventually stabbed her in broad daylight, and got arrested. Theresa's recovery was lengthy and (sorry) boring. Theresa's interactions with her husband and family were lengthy and (sorry) boring. This was the longest 100 minute film I've ever sat through.

3. Questions: why were all the draperies open and doors unlocked? Why so many stuffed animals for a grown woman? Why was Theresa portrayed so child-like?

It might actually be BOTH Louise and Cindy, 
simultaneously!

Those are the main shortcomings. I can't really fault the director, as the film was structurally pretty sound (think of a Dallas episode from around the same early 80s era). The writing can't really be faulted either if they were going for an exact replication of what happened, although someone might have stood up and admitted that it all wasn't all that interesting and I don't know, started making shit up instead, but they obviously played it straight. Bad idea. I read once that Anne Lamott got a memoire she'd written back with the note: "You make the mistake of thinking everything that's ever happened to you is interesting." Given the choice, I would read Anne Lamott's grocery list over sitting through this again, but the sentiment from this editor, whoever it was, is worth keeping in mind. 

After realizing I couldn't just turn this off (it was suggested but we decided to hold fast) I went through all my phone games, stalked the crazy Qs on FB I keep tabs on, and then spent some time wondering what other films I've either left or turned off, unfinished. I remember three: Pearl Harbor (in theater), The Last Samurai (in theater), and WW84 just a few months ago at home. I eventually came around and watched Pearl Harbor again on a dare, I think, and wrote about it with a little more empathy (as much empathy as one can rightly muster for a Michael Bay film) but the latter two were so aggressively bad I will not be coming around. 

I can't in good faith say this was aggressively bad, as it was someone's lived experience, but it is aggressively BLAH. The highlight of the experience for me was insisting to my two Zoom watch mates that certain characters were either Louise Fletcher or Cindy Williams (SHIRLEY, from Laverne &). Like, repeatedly insisting to the point where they would both yell at me every time I brought it up.

Anyway, the film is available in its entirety on YouTube, if you want to give it a try. I do not recommend you do this. Watch Wandavision or Dark instead.

Murder By Numbers

ONE

Blood Rage 1987. d. John Grissmer

Written by: Bruce Rubin (as Richard Lamden)

Starring: Louise Lasser, Mark Soper, Julie Gordon

Summary: "As kids, Todd is institutionalized for a murder whilst his twin goes free. 10 years later, on Thanksgiving, Todd escapes and a killing spree begins in his neighborhood." IMDB

This was chosen, I'm pretty sure on a dare, by one of the people in my horror/murder/true crime group last week. It is not a good film but at least it's memorable. Mostly we focused on how outlandish it all was: premise weak, actors' deliveries all extremely reactionary and overblown, fashion choices of the mother out of place even in 1987, and William Fuller (Bubba Flavel's Klansman pal from Porky's 2) as stepdad "Brad," but it was still fun. All in all, it was one of the more adult slasher films I've seen, adult not as in mature in any way but in a disturbingly high body count, many f-words, and prolonged sexual situations with widespread nudity kind of way. This is something I probably would have really enjoyed back in college, not sober. Put it up there with Fun House. 

TWO

Copycat 1995. d. John Amiel

Written by: Ann Biderman, David Madsen

Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Holly Hunter, Dermot Mulroney

Summary: "An agoraphobic psychologist and a female detective must work together to take down a serial killer who copies serial killers from the past." IMDB

I love this film. It's a very good story with a well-chosen cast, and it's just clever. The first time I watched this back in stadium apartments at UMD in 1996 I couldn't get over how genius it all was. I think I took the tape from the football players' place and watched again the next day by myself, that's how into it I was. 

Watching again now the pacing impressed me. It takes a fair amount of time to even officially establish that these are serial killer murders (for the cops, we as the audience have special insight into the killer's stalking and computer stuff, so we know), and then it takes a few attempts for Hudson (Weaver) to agree to work with the cops, so it's all the more satisfying when they finally get together and start figuring it all out. And what a thrilling system to figure out! He's not just a copycat, he's a by-the-book, as-delivered-in-the- lecture, perfectionist copycat! He does it better than the real guys did! Wow. Worth discussing: were Peter's motivations as a copycat serial killer broad (these previous killers have provided me with the focus I need in my disturbed life and I will go above and beyond their respective examples) or was he just obsessed with Daryl Lee Cullum and figured this would get his attention? Props either way, I guess.

Hudson's SFO apartment is gorgeous, everyone is very attractive, and hey, Police: Murder By Numbers! Hunter's MJ was a little irritating, but she was meant to be, I think, Hudson even addresses it ("does she do this often, this wide-eyed little girl routine?") and it works. I really enjoyed her out-of-fucks-to-give response at the end. We always knew she could handle more than just a brachial nerve shot anyway. Best line of the film: "Looks like I cured your agoraphobia, Helen!"

THREE 

Midsommar 2019. d. Ari Aster

Written by: Ari Aster

Starring: Florence Pugh, Jack Reynor, Vilhelm Blomgren

Summary: "A couple travels to Scandinavia to visit a rural hometown's fabled Swedish mid-summer festival. What begins as an idyllic retreat quickly devolves into an increasingly violent and bizarre competition at the hands of a pagan cult." IMDB

I had to watch this twice. Mostly because I just needed to make sure I was getting what I thought I got the first time, but then I needed two specific answers. 1. Exactly how much time was spent on the opening situation with Dani's family (12 minutes) and 2. What was with that person with the facial deformities, and did I miss something about this person's role? This was never really answered with any satisfaction, although many pieces have been written about this character's link to eugenics, white supremacy, and mysticism. I'm still confused by it; I'm leaving it at that.

I enjoyed this film a lot, it was disturbing and smart. This isn't something that can be "mastered;" like many thinking films out there I think each viewer is set up to have a unique experience based on whatever personally resonates. For me, the horror was incidental, the theme of empathy was what moved and underscored everything that happened on screen. That said, the music and composition of shots in the natural environments were amazing. The fact that this was all taking place in a midnight sun setting made it all the more creepy and offputting.

Dani is empathetic. Is shown from the film's first scene to have concern for her parents (calls them to check in after sister's scary email) as well as her bipolar and obviously upset sister who is suffering from a concerning episode. Dani seeks reassurance from Christian, immediately senses he's disengaging, and then chides herself for making him uncomfortable. Dani is intelligent (tons of books in her place) and self-aware (constantly adjusting and adapting her behavior and expectations), and although not yet completely able to see through all of Christian's antics--his friends' conversation exposes the fact that he is ambivalent about Dani, lies outright about his plans to go to Sweden, then makes up a ruse about inviting her along which fails, since she ends up going---she clearly senses something is off in their relationship. She is a feeling person.

Pelle is empathetic with specific knowledge and insight. Does not join the other two friends in criticizing Christian's relationship with Dani, expresses sadness and apologies to Dani over her family's deaths (stating outright that he has experienced the same loss), and not only remembers her birthday in Sweden but drew a portrait of her for a gift. Pelle is both a feeling person and a knowing person. Was he sent on his summer-season "pilgrimage" to examine this empathy in contrast to how young adults in America mature? Was he excited to bring Dani along because he knew how she'd be received? 

The Boys are not empathetic: Josh seems very dedicated to his study, an interested anthropologist, the knowledge expert of the group but short on emotional connection to people. Christian is an unreliable partner and a wishy-washy academic. Was he destined for something unpleasant because he was a marginal human being? Maybe. The bear he eventually . . . became was caged when they first got there. There were obviously plans for the bear within the tradition of the festivities, but out of all of them, Christian seems the least likely to put up a fight or even commit to a position about anything. Maybe the village knew how this would play out. He feels little (Dani states she's never seen him cry) and knows little (he is directionless in his thesis studies and basically copies Josh). Only Mark is lower, beginning as simply callous and annoying but emerging as the ugly, insensitive American cliche once in Sweden. 

The empathy at work: the village senses Dani's empathy and embraces her because she's like them. She receives from the village the support and acknowledgment (exemplified in the mirroring of her reactions in pain after seeing Christian's sexual ceremony) she needed from Christian but never received. The act of the ho-ha breaths the villagers all take could be the literal taking in of the group's humanity and sharing it as one. Funny how Dani unknowingly does the breath when she blows out the birthday candle on Christian's too-little-too-late cake. 

Bottom line? I think they were always going to kill whatever outsiders came to the celebration, but that Dani was special and got asked to stay. 

Why Watch Foreign Films? Le Grand Voyage

What a lovely, relevant film! There was a moment early on that I connected with completely, one that is apt to strike a chord with many parents, especially today. I won't spoil it, but it has to do with a cell phone and a garbage can. Even in 2004, the message was clear . . . why didn't we listen?

Le Grand Voyage (The Great Journey) is a 2004 French production written and directed by Ismael Ferroukhi, filmed across multiple locations and spoken in both French and Moroccan Arabic. Part road trip, part religious awakening, the film travels across ten different countries as a devout father (Mohamed Majd) attempts to reconnect with his indifferent son, Reda (Nicolas Cazale).

As Reda is somewhat at odds with his father at the film's start, he is reluctant to drive to Mecca for this pilgrimage; his attention is directed at his phone, his upcoming school exams, and his non-Muslim girlfriend. He wonders aloud several times why his father doesn't just fly to Saudi Arabia. In disagreement for many of the first days, Reda and his father really don't seem to get along very well: deciding when to sleep, where to stop, and whether or not to pick up hitch-hikers is a continual cause for friction between the pair, and many scenes are spent in brooding silence. As Mecca draws closer and Reda begins to actually listen to his father, he realizes that his father's devotion, not only to his faith but to Reda and much of humankind, is heartfelt and remarkable.

Despite many moments of silence and awkwardness between father and son early on in the film, the music choices keep us from becoming impatient with their interactions together. Often playing is a simple progression of piano or orchestral chords that seem to swell at just the right moments but never take away from the emotion (or lack thereof) of the characters. Reda's father often breaks away with his rug to pray, but this act takes on an entirely new, profound meaning once they near Mecca; one voice joins with many others, the call to prayer and the resulting chants are heard fully and clearly over the landscape, becoming its own beautiful soundtrack. The physical landscapes themselves are varied and interesting, (lowlands, snow, deserts) and many times we are left wondering which country they've entered until a city is named or a new language is spoken. The journey itself while impressive in length and grandeur, seems in the end to be no less important than the distance the two men travel, emotionally, and this makes it a film for the ages.

Parents and children, be patient with each other. Time goes faster than you think it will.

Le Grand Voyage is 108 minutes and is unrated. I obtained a copy of this film through Netflix DVD. 

Cinema in Quarantine: 9 to 5

In the film world there are workplace comedies and there’s 9 to 5. Written in 1980 by Patricia Resnick and directed by Colin Higgins, 9 to 5 is a film that gets everything right: the laughs are smart, the cast is perfect, and hey, that song, right? One of my parents picked this out at a video store’s liquidation sale in the late eighties and I fondly remember watching it on our beta for probably a straight year with my brother and best friend where we delighted in memorizing Violet Newstead’s lines and reciting them to each other in everyday moments of life (“Thanks, Ros, I know just where to stick it”). We may or may not still do this. In fact, I may or may not be able to recite the entire film from start to finish. In any event, this is a throwback with some serious staying power.

The story begins with Judy Bernly (Jane Fonda) arriving for her first day at a busy corporate office; Violet Newstead (Lily Tomlin) is the supervisor charged with training her. Violet is a twelve-year company veteran, Judy, a recently-divorced housewife, but they easily connect over the work, which employees are gossips, and the truth about their boss, Franklin Hart (Dabney Coleman), a semi-competent vice president but disgusting human being. When he’s not taking credit for Violet’s ideas or explaining the greater points of men’s superiority in areas of teamwork or dealing with numbers, Hart is setting up disgusting schemes to sexually harass his secretary, Doralee Rhodes (Dolly Parton), who is shunned by the rest of the office.

When Hart finally crosses the line with each woman--giving away Violet’s promotion, admitting he’s been spreading rumors about Doralee, and firing one of Judy’s friends--the three get together and bond over fantasies of serving Hart some payback and taking him out. When Violet mistakenly seasons Hart’s coffee with rat poison (the same method she’d used in the fantasy the night before) and he’s taken to the hospital, the women eventually find out just how far they’re willing to go to defend each other and how maybe, they might be able to do Hart’s job better without him.


Throughout all the action, some of it serious like gunfire and car chases, the comedy takes a few different forms. Tomlin as Violet is full of wit and one-liners; her exchanges with office employees range from sarcastic to all-out snappy, but she’s also not above making sentimental comments about cartoons or singing the praises of her son’s marijuana. There are nice bits of physical comedy that usually focus on Hart tripping or flinging objects around or the entirety of each woman’s “kill fantasy” as imaginary Hart tries to wiggle his way out of justice (Doralee’s hog-tie comes immediately to mind, which she performs brilliantly), and Judy gets some pretty major mileage out of the sexist egotistical lying hypocritical bigot reference, but underscoring all this funny business is the persistent idea that Hart is offensive and vile. The message is that he’s getting his comeuppance, but he’s too much of a jerk to even see it. Late in the film, when the unrepentant Hart realizes he’s been outsmarted he asks, “Don’t you think I might be missed at the office?” Our ladies don’t answer, but they don’t really need to, do they?

Are things any better today?

Why Watch Foreign Films? Parasite

Welcome to the Why Watch Foreign Films project! The idea of reviewing foreign films came to me after observing several confusing twitter comments made by users who couldn't understand why Hulu was streaming Bong Joo-ho's multiple Oscar-winner, Parasite. I won't go into it, but the exchange was pretty ugly. In trying to understand why people might shy away from foreign films and going by what these comments stated outright I found that overall the issues are with subtitles and a general aversion to "otherness." Come on, people. We've got to be better than that.

While I'm not going to sit here and preach to you just how much we (as American adults!) are struggling with literacy and empathy in our nation right now, I will repackage the same message in a positive way and simply say that watching foreign films will make you a more intelligent, more compassionate human being and will expose you to a ton of unique stories you've been missing in life! If you enjoy history or travel, you also get the bonus of seeing international landscapes and cities while oftentimes learning about how wars, development, and current events have all shaped what's happening in these narratives. Our politics are not the only ones going on in the world. You'll hear languages other than English---this is a good thing (and so is reading). The music will be different, the food will be different, but not always; sometimes it will be familiar or nostalgic. Among difference there is also interconnectedness. No matter the country, the language, or the religion, many of these films also show just how far-reaching American influence can be, and how in a lot of ways, our struggles are very similar. Such is the case in Parasite. Meet our families:

THE KIMS (left to right): Ki-woo/Kevin, Ki-taek, Chung-sook, Ki-jung/Jessica

THE PARKS (top l-r to bottom l-r): Dong-ik, Da-hye, Yeon Kyo, Da-Song

The plot is quite simple. A poor family manages to manipulate a wealthy family into hiring them as domestic employees; things seem to go well until they don't. That's it! Many people I've spoken to about the film said that they enjoyed not knowing anything in advance about it, having little to no idea where it might lead (which is how I experienced it the first time). There's something to be said for that kind of experience, but I did find myself wishing I was a little clearer on everyone's names, which is why I included the two photos with labels above. The story itself doesn't ask much from its viewers, at least on the surface, but the technical elements that surround the narrative together with the subtle use of everyday objects and dialogs between characters speak very clearly to an underlying theme of violence or malevolence springing from social inequality. Don't worry about reasoning it all out while you're watching, chances are very good you'll be thinking about it quite a bit after the film's conclusion or even for days afterward. But, if you're interested, there's a lot of meaning and suggestion being thrown around in these scenes while the main events are happening. Consider:

Spaces: Contrast the enormity of the Park House with the Kim basement apartment. It's not just luxury in material possessions. Note the wide open spaces and who inhabits them compared with cramped quarters, clutter, and things like proximity to the waste (sewage) of others. It comes up a lot.
Music: Which family's experiences are shown as being worthy of accompaniment? What does the style of the music say about how they're portrayed as human beings?
Reveals: What (or who) comes out of the shadows? What are the lights showcasing? How are darks and lights used in general? What about blinking lights?
Objects: A scholar's rock, a pair of underwear, a peach, a birthday cake---how do they become evil or dangerous? Why is this not a typical horror film?
Dialogs: The Kims discuss whether or not they "fit in," which one of them fits in the easiest? How do casual comparisons to a cockroach or the association of smells contribute to the conclusion of the film? How do the characters themselves respond to not fitting in, are they sympathetic toward others down on their luck? Does the adaptability of fitting in or highly-developed street smarts carry any guarantees in the long run? Is the ending hopeful or cruel?

Very early on in the film there comes an exterminator that fumigates the outer area of the Kims' street but not the apartment itself. Because the bugs are also a problem inside the building, the Kims allow the fumes to come inside the windows as they themselves are blasted by the spray of chemical. To me, this spoke very clearly toward the title and how poor people are seen and portrayed before the sneaky stuff with the rich folks even got started. It's a smart and creepy film; give it a try, see what you think. Parasite is rated R for language, violence, and sexual content, runs 2 hours 12 minutes, and is currently available on Hulu.