Stallone and company better than ever in The Expendables 2

Good men get better with age. Good action stars even more so.

Sylvester Stallone together with director Simon West has achieved the near impossible with the sequel to his blockbuster action film, The Expendables--not only is it a successful second installment, but a film so remarkable in its own right that there's just no beating it. This is all the bad ass you've ever dreamed of, and more, too.

Stallone reprises his role as Barney Ross, who, together with his team of mercenaries from the previous film plus newcomers Billy (Liam Hemsworth) and Maggie (Nan Yu), is strong-armed into another mission at the behest of an unnamed government agency led by Mr. Church (Bruce Willis). A walk in the park, Church tells Barney, but it's clear enough that it won't be--not only is the targeted material inside a dangerous spring-loaded mechanism whose safe changes its code every sixty seconds, but once recovered, the goods are hijacked by a new team of mercenaries led by a man named Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme); in the battle over the goods, one of Barney's men is executed. Forgetting the mission and motivated purely by revenge for their fallen brother, the team pursues Vilain, whose end game is to excavate and sell weapons-grade plutonium. Ultimately the team must decide whether to simply retaliate or to save the world while they're at it. They choose wisely, of course, but not without a little help from their friends.

The film works wonderfully in that it's good writing, great visual storytelling, and above all, fun. This is an incredibly violent story, but done in an unapologetic way that revels in its excess; bad guys aren't just shot, they're shot, stabbed, and occasionally run over, all at once. In one of the early scenes where Jet Li suddenly finds himself unarmed inside a kitchen full of attackers, the fight simply shifts from guns and knives to pots and pans, each metallic bludgeon sounding more like a carefully composed percussion solo than a man fighting for his life. Gamers, are you watching? They're doing all this for real.

Also good for laughs is the continual self-reflexive stand the film takes in not only assembling basically every action star from the eighties onto one screen ("Who's next, Rambo?" one asks another in the midst of an all-out battle) but in that these guys know each other, they know the tag-lines, and they've all seen each others' films (clearly crafted by a screenwriter who knows his film history). The fight choreography is nothing short of amazing, especially in Jason Statham's scenes, and attention to little details like props ("Knock, Knock," on a tank's cannon among other choice stenciled phrases) and classic music ("Crystal Blue Persuasion,")--extremely well done. This stuff made for a literally smashing experience.

Ironic, isn't it? Best-selling books are getting less cerebral while action films get smarter? Keep 'em coming, Sly, keep 'em coming.

Breaker, Breaker. Bad Lieutenant.

Breaker, Breaker, 1977, directed by Don Hulette.

"Truck driver searches for his brother, who has disappeared in a town run by a corrupt judge." (IMDB).

This stars Chuck Norris, and funny enough, it's the first Chuck Norris film I've seen. That said, you can't really *tell* it's Chuck Norris, as he's quite young and his martial arts skills as showcased in the film were a little boring, despite the fact that he'd accomplished quite a lot in competitions before becoming an actor.

In trying to come up with something to say about this production, I was reminded of a strange situation I was involved in during my senior year in high school. I was playing piano for something, and for some reason, my parents decided to show up to watch this. Also, I was pulled over by a highway patrolman on the way there, an Elvis-impersonating one. Not kidding. Anyway. It was a very interesting situation, group of people, etc. Apparently my dad didn't say much, only that 1. "This place looks like the warden at Stillwater opened the cells and asked them if they wanted to come to a wedding," and 2. "Can we get the hell out of here?"

This film was a little like that, as in Any of you Hillbillies wanna be in a film? Line up, and spit your chew out before the camera rolls over you. Naw, you don't need to rehearse your lines. And just duck when Norris comes at yeh, see? Hell no, we ain't need no choreographers, just lift your leg up a few times, pretend like you kickin' em in the head and we all good.

Although I did like all the truckers DRIVING OVER THE TOWN at the end, that was sweet. Thanks, VD. And what the hell was up with that bartender and all her crazy dolls?

Bad Lieutenant, 1992, directed by Abel Ferrera.

"While investigating a young nun's rape, a corrupt New York City police detective, with a serious drug and gambling addiction, tries to change his ways and find forgiveness." (IMDB).


Speechless. I wouldn't even know where to start. When I told Matt I was watching this the other night, he said, "Because you haven't seen enough of Keitel's cock to last you a lifetime?" (Indeed. Gary Reynolds, one of my fave film professors referenced his full frontal in The Piano as proving "what's good for the goose is good for the gander. . . ")


Yeah, no thanks. I need to get this disk out of my house, it's like a Horcrux or something.


DECEMBER FILM LIST (worst films ever made). I'm closing it tonight, so if you want in, you have until midnight. I have a list; it's already making me shudder. Topping the list are Sandy, J-Aniston, and Will Ferrell.