Friday the 13th, 1-6

The last time Cameron and I got together for a video discussion was in late July of 2022. I had picked up COVID on an 18 hour flight from Johannesburg to Atlanta and started coughing so hard (from yapping) that we had to stop. Had I known we both had such a love for Part VI: Jason Lives, I would have pushed for this a lot sooner! I remember doing a few solo vids on TikTok during the Friday the 13th of January 2023 after one of my professors inspired me by signing off an email with a dancing Jason gif, but I recall spending most of my time on Ginny from part II and not a whole lot else. I feel torn between doing this again, paying to tribute to Megan, from VI, my other favorite final girl, or just keeping consistent with the Amy Steele love fest and diving into her performance as Kit in April Fool's Day. MAYBE BOTH.

Scarwid, Tilly, Scarwid

Three weeks ago, my Tuesday film group chose Mommie Dearest. I was really looking forward to it but then realized I had mixed up this film (which I'd never seen before) with Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Child abuse stories are not really my thing, but I made it through okay, I guess. After this selection I was up to choose so naturally Psycho 3 was my obvious follow-up choice as how else would one follow up a Diana Scarwid viewing (other than to jump into LOST's 3rd season where she plays Isabelle, Juliet's nemesis among the others)? Psycho 2 ended up happening in between the two for continuity's sake as my two friends decided they wanted the context before watching 3. I'm disappointed to say they did not enjoy the experience of these two sequels as much as I did, but I suspect this is because they have no personal attachment to the films and they need to follow my example and watch them each 20 times more (faithful readers know I've written about both of them on numerous occasions). 

THAT POOR GIRL.

Mommie Dearest 1981, d. Frank Perry

Written by: Christina Crawford (book), Frank Yablans (screenplay)

Starring: Faye Dunaway, Diana Scarwid, Steve Forrest

Summary: "The abusive and traumatic adoptive upbringing of Christina Crawford at the hands of her mother, screen queen Joan Crawford, is depicted," (IMDB).

Yeah, I can't really do a proper review on this without putting out a giant trigger warning for the extremely intense nature of the child abuse scenes that pretty much happen the entire film. At the hands of Joan Crawford (Dunaway), adopted daughter Christina (Mara Hobel and Scarwid) suffers: Withheld affection and general care, neglect, imprisonment, forced meal of rare steak (not preferred), forced meal of day old rare steak (after two refusals), traumatic hair removal, assault with wire hangers, humiliation, withholding of necessary financials, persistence of rare steak being forced meals even into adulthood, verbal abuse, physical abuse, general instability and inconsistency.

QUEEN.

Does the film competently portray these events? Yes. The production is solid. The sets are very impressive, Dunaway is physically and emotionally brilliant, and both Christinas (Hobel and Scarwid) pull off amazing performances. But make no mistake, this is not an enjoyable experience. Had I not known this was based on the real Christina Crawford's experiences with her mother I may have been slightly less disturbed, but fiction or non-, this is an extremely hard to stomach story. Honestly, I'd prefer The Human Centipede. 

Psycho 2 1983, d. Richard Franklin 

Written by: Tom Holland, based on characters by Robert Bloch

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Meg Tilly, Vera Miles, Robert Loggia, Dennis Franz

Summary: "After twenty-two years of psychiatric care, Norman Bates attempts to return to a life of solitude, but the specters of his crimes - and his mother - continue to haunt him," (IMDB). 

What else can I write about this, after years of writing about it? I still think it's a good film. A good sequel (not to be held to Hitchcock technical standards, OBVS) and a good standalone. It's scary! The story took Norman Bates and put him back in circulation so the world could mess with him a little, and we the audience get to re-experience all the fun stuff from the first film (Norman and Lila, the motel and the fruit cellar, Mother's outfit, etc.) but with a lighter, 80s vibe. 

Speaking of 80s, Mary Loomis (Meg Tilly) has a string of outfits that belong in my Pinterest. I didn't think of this in time to get any still photographs of the clothes, but blue, cranberry, and gold cowl necks with broach pins, I think she has a cute little ensemble with a beret? One of these days I might re-watch again and draw out her outfits, fashion-plates style.  

The scary parts for me are the murders, of course, but they were made more intense by the music, or in some cases just the sound design. The noises in the fruit cellar when the two kids sneak in to mess around are creepy: first the girl hears something in the next room, then we get the clacking of the shoes as Mother (Emma Spool, who looks a little tall, tbh) walks by, and then the wood pile disassembling, the squeaking of the guy's fingers down the window, and the wet squelches of the knife going into his back, repeatedly. Yikes. 

There are fun musical moments that depict Norman's slide into confusion with a lot of synthesizer effects (investigating or revealing), nostalgic, happier memories (finding Mother's room all fixed up), and up and down emotion (Beethoven on the piano). 

The cast of actors throw out a high-level collection of performances, they seem to play well off each other (although I didn't like hearing about how Anthony Perkins was mean to the young Meg Tilly), and everyone is interesting, even down to the crabby old Stockard Channing lookalike waitress, Myrna (Lee Garlington). There are moments of cringe, most of them with the way certain people are stabbed, pretty visceral and hard-core, but there is subtlety in some of the scares, too. Mother's notes, the slow way Mother (Mary, in Mother's clothes) hovers in the window looking out, and the confused hand-switching phone calls that seem to launch Norman back into insanity each time (who even is calling him the first time, is it Emma Spool?). Little moments that take their time. It's a lengthy film, just under 2 hours, but if you're into it, you savor every one of those moments. 

Although I enjoy it, I can see how newcomers to the film might feel a little bit blindsided by the ending, my friends both seemed to be, because Emma Spool isn't highlighted very much and she does disappear for nearly the entire film after her handful of scenes early on. If you do go back and keep an eye on her, you'll see that she's really the only one who supports Norman right off the bat, seems a little scowl-y when Norman sticks up for Mary (!) after the broken plate, and was the last one standing by the ticket wheel when Mother's note went missing. Not overt foreshadowing, but you know, subtle hint-dropping.

And finally, I just love Meg Tilly, then and now. Check out her lovely YouTube channel, Meg's Cozy Tea Time and enjoy her quirky, fun, wholesome stories about writing, tea, acting, and her family! 

<<<<<-------Also enjoy this shot of Warren Toomey's amyl nitrate, photo credit by "Toasted Cheese Sammich" from my Tuesday group.

Psycho 3 1986, d. Anthony Perkins

Written by: Charles Edward Pogue, based on characters by Robert Bloch

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Diana Scarwid, Jeff Fahey

Summary: "Norman Bates falls in love with a fallen nun who stays at the Bates Motel
alongside a drifter and a curious reporter. Meanwhile, "Mother" is still watching," (IMDB). 

Side note: I never really thought about the significance of having Maureen Coil (Scarwid), lookalike to Marion Crane and Norman's love interest, be a failed nun. I mean, I guess if there was one perfect girl for Norman, a religious, naive virgin who can't dance and still wears puffy-sleeved dresses would be a hit. Not in Mother's eyes, though. 

Anyway, if you thought Psycho 2 was outlandish, I can't imagine what you're going to think of this. Dead nuns right off the bat. Good old Norman, filling taxidermy birds' sawdust with his peanut butter spoon. DWAYNE DUKE (Fahey), MY FRIENDS JUST CALL ME DUKE (complete rant on him, below). Tracey Venable (Roberta Maxwell) and her smart mouth talk and bad dresses/hair that make her look 83 years old. The killings (or attempts) start early and they roll hard the entire film. Apparently Norman's . . . appetites are a little less controlled now and really any woman just bothering to exist in his presence is fair game, all prompted by "Mother's" angry urgings, of course. 

I thought Scarwid did a great job, here. She played innocent and vulnerable really well and her very specific voice was perfect for Maureen. Nice little Arbo-gast tumble down the steps there (with added Cupid's arrow), too. Poor Maureen.

Overall, the scary moments are fewer in this film, probably to make room for all the sexual weirdness someone decided was a good idea. "Mother" is kind of scary, but she's kind of funny, too. "Stand up straight and wipe your snotty little nose!" I mean, whatever. We KNOW she's stuffed Emma Spool, but I think keeping her face hidden or in the dark until the reveal in cabin 12 was smart. The female-voiced chanting music during the spy session into Maureen's room was creepy, and I think it returned late in the game during Norman's drive out to the swamp and it always gave me the chatters. Really the entire cabin 12 scene has always really freaked me out, just the strange vacant smile Norman has as he walks down there along with the color of the scene itself, first kind of green and then dark and shadowy when we know that no one's around and "Mother," who we know cannot have written the note on the table or have just walked off somewhere, missing in action. It's just an icky, disturbing kind of suspense and I both love and hate it. 

Bringing me to DUKE. Trashy-hot but seriously: 

*Would-be rapist

*Maker of PORN COLLAGE that spans the walls of the inside of cabin 12 as well as a RANDOM LAMPSHADE. He rolls into the Bates Motel, gets hired, and the next night when he brings home his unnamed companion, there it is. Clearly he unpacked his bags and got right to work on it. So devoted to his porn collage! What a guy.

*Five dollar thief

*Extreme jerk (post-coitus) to unnamed companion, eventually becoming verbally and physically abusive. Had he allowed her to stay in his room or engaged nicely in the conversation she seemed intent on starting, she might have lived a little longer. As it was, Norman really had to make a statement and put his fist through the phone booth before actually murdering her. Why? Dramatic flourish, I guess. Talk about wrong place at the wrong time.

*Sufferer of radical personality change halfway through film after seeing "Mother" up in window during thunderstorm homecoming night. Quiet and polite during police questioning of Norman (re: Patsy, the toilet victim) but suddenly manic, sweaty, and crazed for the cabin 12 meet-up for the battle of "Mother's" corpse. Did he get into Toomey's old stash of uppers somewhere? WHY THE CHANGE? I mean at least we got to see some of his songwriting in action, but still. 

*And ultimately, forever swamp-dweller. RIP, Duke. You sucked. 

The ending, starting with Venable and the tire iron, is scary. Seeing Norman dressed up, grinning, and speaking in Mother's voice is scary. Every time I want her to not go into the house, to just drive away and drop the whole thing but no. Although Norman straightening the painting Venable knocked askew is still one of my favorite moments of the film. At least she lived to tell the tale.

So there you have it. It's nice (for me, anyway) to know that certain 80s films still provoke such rants, decades later. Does anyone else love these? I want to know you if you do.

Murder By Numbers

ONE

Blood Rage 1987. d. John Grissmer

Written by: Bruce Rubin (as Richard Lamden)

Starring: Louise Lasser, Mark Soper, Julie Gordon

Summary: "As kids, Todd is institutionalized for a murder whilst his twin goes free. 10 years later, on Thanksgiving, Todd escapes and a killing spree begins in his neighborhood." IMDB

This was chosen, I'm pretty sure on a dare, by one of the people in my horror/murder/true crime group last week. It is not a good film but at least it's memorable. Mostly we focused on how outlandish it all was: premise weak, actors' deliveries all extremely reactionary and overblown, fashion choices of the mother out of place even in 1987, and William Fuller (Bubba Flavel's Klansman pal from Porky's 2) as stepdad "Brad," but it was still fun. All in all, it was one of the more adult slasher films I've seen, adult not as in mature in any way but in a disturbingly high body count, many f-words, and prolonged sexual situations with widespread nudity kind of way. This is something I probably would have really enjoyed back in college, not sober. Put it up there with Fun House. 

TWO

Copycat 1995. d. John Amiel

Written by: Ann Biderman, David Madsen

Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Holly Hunter, Dermot Mulroney

Summary: "An agoraphobic psychologist and a female detective must work together to take down a serial killer who copies serial killers from the past." IMDB

I love this film. It's a very good story with a well-chosen cast, and it's just clever. The first time I watched this back in stadium apartments at UMD in 1996 I couldn't get over how genius it all was. I think I took the tape from the football players' place and watched again the next day by myself, that's how into it I was. 

Watching again now the pacing impressed me. It takes a fair amount of time to even officially establish that these are serial killer murders (for the cops, we as the audience have special insight into the killer's stalking and computer stuff, so we know), and then it takes a few attempts for Hudson (Weaver) to agree to work with the cops, so it's all the more satisfying when they finally get together and start figuring it all out. And what a thrilling system to figure out! He's not just a copycat, he's a by-the-book, as-delivered-in-the- lecture, perfectionist copycat! He does it better than the real guys did! Wow. Worth discussing: were Peter's motivations as a copycat serial killer broad (these previous killers have provided me with the focus I need in my disturbed life and I will go above and beyond their respective examples) or was he just obsessed with Daryl Lee Cullum and figured this would get his attention? Props either way, I guess.

Hudson's SFO apartment is gorgeous, everyone is very attractive, and hey, Police: Murder By Numbers! Hunter's MJ was a little irritating, but she was meant to be, I think, Hudson even addresses it ("does she do this often, this wide-eyed little girl routine?") and it works. I really enjoyed her out-of-fucks-to-give response at the end. We always knew she could handle more than just a brachial nerve shot anyway. Best line of the film: "Looks like I cured your agoraphobia, Helen!"

THREE 

Midsommar 2019. d. Ari Aster

Written by: Ari Aster

Starring: Florence Pugh, Jack Reynor, Vilhelm Blomgren

Summary: "A couple travels to Scandinavia to visit a rural hometown's fabled Swedish mid-summer festival. What begins as an idyllic retreat quickly devolves into an increasingly violent and bizarre competition at the hands of a pagan cult." IMDB

I had to watch this twice. Mostly because I just needed to make sure I was getting what I thought I got the first time, but then I needed two specific answers. 1. Exactly how much time was spent on the opening situation with Dani's family (12 minutes) and 2. What was with that person with the facial deformities, and did I miss something about this person's role? This was never really answered with any satisfaction, although many pieces have been written about this character's link to eugenics, white supremacy, and mysticism. I'm still confused by it; I'm leaving it at that.

I enjoyed this film a lot, it was disturbing and smart. This isn't something that can be "mastered;" like many thinking films out there I think each viewer is set up to have a unique experience based on whatever personally resonates. For me, the horror was incidental, the theme of empathy was what moved and underscored everything that happened on screen. That said, the music and composition of shots in the natural environments were amazing. The fact that this was all taking place in a midnight sun setting made it all the more creepy and offputting.

Dani is empathetic. Is shown from the film's first scene to have concern for her parents (calls them to check in after sister's scary email) as well as her bipolar and obviously upset sister who is suffering from a concerning episode. Dani seeks reassurance from Christian, immediately senses he's disengaging, and then chides herself for making him uncomfortable. Dani is intelligent (tons of books in her place) and self-aware (constantly adjusting and adapting her behavior and expectations), and although not yet completely able to see through all of Christian's antics--his friends' conversation exposes the fact that he is ambivalent about Dani, lies outright about his plans to go to Sweden, then makes up a ruse about inviting her along which fails, since she ends up going---she clearly senses something is off in their relationship. She is a feeling person.

Pelle is empathetic with specific knowledge and insight. Does not join the other two friends in criticizing Christian's relationship with Dani, expresses sadness and apologies to Dani over her family's deaths (stating outright that he has experienced the same loss), and not only remembers her birthday in Sweden but drew a portrait of her for a gift. Pelle is both a feeling person and a knowing person. Was he sent on his summer-season "pilgrimage" to examine this empathy in contrast to how young adults in America mature? Was he excited to bring Dani along because he knew how she'd be received? 

The Boys are not empathetic: Josh seems very dedicated to his study, an interested anthropologist, the knowledge expert of the group but short on emotional connection to people. Christian is an unreliable partner and a wishy-washy academic. Was he destined for something unpleasant because he was a marginal human being? Maybe. The bear he eventually . . . became was caged when they first got there. There were obviously plans for the bear within the tradition of the festivities, but out of all of them, Christian seems the least likely to put up a fight or even commit to a position about anything. Maybe the village knew how this would play out. He feels little (Dani states she's never seen him cry) and knows little (he is directionless in his thesis studies and basically copies Josh). Only Mark is lower, beginning as simply callous and annoying but emerging as the ugly, insensitive American cliche once in Sweden. 

The empathy at work: the village senses Dani's empathy and embraces her because she's like them. She receives from the village the support and acknowledgment (exemplified in the mirroring of her reactions in pain after seeing Christian's sexual ceremony) she needed from Christian but never received. The act of the ho-ha breaths the villagers all take could be the literal taking in of the group's humanity and sharing it as one. Funny how Dani unknowingly does the breath when she blows out the birthday candle on Christian's too-little-too-late cake. 

Bottom line? I think they were always going to kill whatever outsiders came to the celebration, but that Dani was special and got asked to stay. 

Cedar Rapids, Rubber, Geeks.

Hail Mary again:

1. Cedar Rapids. I laughed a few times. It was like Napoleon Dynamite with swearing and meth, so good there, and I liked the credits against a yellow screen. Also, Reid Rothchild (John C. Reilly?) has become the token character of my husband's humor in pretty much everything he does lately. If Matt had not married me and had become some sort of traveling salesman I am convinced he would be just like Beansie.

2. Rubber. I thought this was excellent. Tire rolling around on its own, setting off wiggly telepathic head-exploding powers as it goes from place to place? Awesome. It gets a crush on a dark-haired girl in a short skirt. Audience members (on screen) are made to stay in the desert and watch this unfold with binoculars. Forcing the audience to become part of the story. Taking on Hollywood at the end. Love it. This reminds me of the kind of thing I'd have to watch for school (Bunuel, Antonioni, even Lynch) and then come home to watch again with a one-hit and a sixer of Rolling Rock. (nostalgia).

High cheekbones, slightly frosted hair, YOU MUST BE DANISH!
(actually I'm Polish).

3. What up, Geeks?: I'm not watching any new horror films for October this month, last year kind of wrecked it all for me and I'm still not all that cool with sleeping with the lights off even now, so I'm doing something different, something better. TALES FROM THE CRYPT, bitches! All of them. Give me some feedback on your favorites, okay? Also, I am recycling some of my better reviews from last year's Scariest Films Ever list for Examiner; check out my page if you're interested in reading them.

Rite. and Um . . .

I tried to watch this last night and completely wimped out on it. Has anyone seen it all the way through? I don't understand why I've become such a baby with scary movies lately, I used to eat pieces of shit like this for breakfast. (You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?)

ALSO! Just popping onto IMDB for a rundown of what's happening in film and some images I needed when I see the FRIGHT NIGHT remake ad? Um, no one told me Collin Farrell was playing Jerry Dandridge, are you Goddamned KIDDING ME? Like Eric Northman, BUT COLLIN FARRELL. I'm hoping the August 19 release date, that I have circled on my calendar with an enormous heart, does not coincide with any peak fertility days (because damn . . . )

Out of curiosity, I wonder who's playing Evil Ed? And will Marcy Darcy be making a cameo?

Troll/Troll 2 Double Feature. Low Budget.

1. Troll, 1986, directed by John Carl Buechler, written by Ed Naha.
2. Troll 2, 1990, directed by Claudio Fragasso, written by Rosella Drudi.
3. Fun House, 1981, directed by Tobe Hooper, written by Lawrence Block.
4. The Pink Chiquitas, 1987, directed and written by Anthony Currie.

I'm not writing them up individually because it really wouldn't be worth anyone's time. If anything, Troll was probably the best of all of them and Fun House is special because I saw it in Hawaii with Matt and my brother the last time we were there, but they were all pretty lame. Sometimes there are films that are bad that didn't have to be bad (Pearl Harbor, Gigli, Vanilla Sky); like there's just one thing that's consistently off, something that could easily be fixed, like dialogue, just rewrite it. Or Cameron Diaz's voice, just don't hire her! Then there are films like these, where everything is off, and the only way to save it would be to burn it. I try not to pick too much on low budget films because everyone has to start somewhere, but when dialogue is badly written, actors are disastrously inexperienced, production is slim to none, and the entire project is just kind of random and shoddy, it's hard to watch the result. These films weren't terrible, there were some interesting parts I guess, but they were just . . . lacking. Like watching someone's German video but without the saving grace of having Eminem on the soundtrack.

Ugh. My hands are freezing. This winter has been painfully lengthy. I think Television Lady needs to be based in Kona. Who's with me?

My Favorite Bates.

I know how ridiculous it is that this one is my favorite, but I am mostly ridiculous myself, so it works. Psycho 3, 1986, directed by none other than Anthony Perkins (Norman)! I saw this as soon as it came out on video and I was old enough to start noticing things like music, lighting, and continuity in film. This being a sequel and everything, continuity was kind of big, although the conflicting tales of what really happened to Norman's father wouldn't matter until Psycho 4 came out a few years later. What I remembered most was seeing the previews for this on television and probably begging my parents to take me to the theater, which they did not do. There are three specific things from the trailer that I remember: The nun falling down the bell tower chamber as the bell rings, Maureen (Diana Scarwid, Isabel from Hydra Island on LOST!) hugging the pillar of The Bates House and calling up to the window, and Norman standing over her body at the foot of the stairs, yelling, "Mother!!" Man, I wanted to see this!

So given the fact that this is probably the most entertaining horror film from my list (not the best, not the scariest, the most entertaining) I'm going to break it all down old school and give it a proper play-by-play. We might be here for a while. . .

I love quiet girls with no self-esteem . . .

The film opens with a Virgin Mary statue and a blond nun-in-training shouting, "There is no God!" Her name is Maureen Coyle and she accidentally causes the death of another nun who tries to stop her from jumping off the bell tower. The sisters send her packing, and who does she meet out in the middle of the California Desert? Jeff Fahey. ("My name's Dwayne Duke, friends just call me Duke.") in a beat up old clunker. He gives her a ride, he tries to get in her pants, and she nearly jumps out of his moving vehicle to get away from him. Too bad. I found him as always, extremely hot. Pretty trashy, but hot.

Norman's story begins with him at home, poisoning birds outside the house. He's quite a dedicated and talented taxidermist, as you'll remember from the first film; he's apparently so into his work he doesn't mind using the same utensil to both spoon sawdust into the birds and smear peanut butter on his Ritz crackers. Nice. On his work table lies a newspaper clipping with Emma Spool's picture, she's missing, you see. Just as Norman starts to hallucinate that it's an old, dead arm he's sewing up instead of the bird, the bag that he used to transport it starts to shake and scoot across the table on its own. When he finds a live bird inside it that apparently survived the poison, he calmly walks over to it, catches it in his hand, and sets it free outside. Are we to believe that he's harmless, "as harmless as one of these birds?" Ha.

Duke pulls up in the clunker and ends up taking a job from Norman. At the diner where Norman, Emma Spool, and Mary Loomis all worked together, the Sheriff and the owner meet Tracy Venable, a writer doing a piece on the insanity plea who happens to be very interested in interviewing Norman. Just as Norman shows up to take in some lunch (chicken fried steak and a glass of milk), Maureen steps down out of rig outside. Norman is immediately disturbed by her resemblance to Marion Crane, from the first film, and thrown for an even bigger loop when he sees her suitcase initials, M.C. There are black and white flashbacks from the first film, Maureen drops her suitcase and falls ala Marion with her cheek actually touching the floor. This is extremely cheesy and there's funny record-skipping chipmunk songs going on during all of this, so it's cheesy and funny. Norman flees the interview and runs home. When he relays this information to "Mother," (yes, Mother is back and very vocal) she says, "You killed her. The slut deserved it. She's dead. And the dead don't come back." (!!!)

She seems more Catholic than Marion. . .

Maureen shows up at the motel; Duke apologizes for his forwardness and checks her in, Cabin One. Norman sees this, gets giddy, and stammers. Duke takes off for a night on the town; Norman stays for the night shift and sneaks into the motel parlor to spy on Maureen through the infamous hole in the wall. Returning with wig, dress, shoes, and knife in place, he busts into the bathroom to find that she's halfway completed the job Mother demanded of Norman--she cut her wrists with a razor. Music is chanty and actually scary.

Meanwhile, Duke tries his hand at romancing Miss Venable but she only wants him to spy on Norman. Soon enough he hooks up with an unnamed young lady and brings her back to his room at the motel. There are several things that are hilarious about this whole situation and what unfolds.

1. Girl can't get the ice bin open and Norman (back from visiting Maureen in the hospital) helps her. She invites him to join the party down in Duke's cabin. The thought of this chick, Duke, and Norman in a three-way is probably the most ridiculous thing, ever, but I'm sure stranger combinations have happened.

2. In the short amount of time Duke has been at the motel, he has managed to decorate the walls with outlandish sex collages from porn magazines, which the unnamed girl seems to much appreciate. Seriously!

3. After their tryst has ended, things don't go well. The girl mentions that Duke made their encounter seem cheap. He tells her, "It is, but it beats a vibrator." She replies, "At least a vibrator gets me off!" and gives him the finger. Duke overreacts and throws her out. She meets her end in a phone booth.

Later, Norman escorts Maureen back to recover in Cabin One, F.O.C., of course. It's homecoming and the Bates Motel is a regular beehive of activity. Once Maureen gets settled, Norman tells her she'd look swell in the pink dress later and then hurries out of the room, giddy and blushing. They go on a date and get nice and liquored up. When they return, the homecoming party is still going strong but Norman tells Duke he can leave. Duke has been staring up at the house though, in a lightning storm, and something in the bedroom window has caught his eye. "Whatever you say, Boss," he says, sly as a fox. Norman and Maureen share an awkward makeout moment, and before anything bigger can happen, Maureen apparently passes out and then wakes up alone. Norman has fought off any sexual urges that might bring harm to Maureen, but then takes it out on an innocent girl from the Homecoming party, on the toilet! My favorite part of this whole encounter is the obviously male foot in Mother's black shoe and stocking, stepping over the threshold.

Miss Venable returns after doing her own sleuth work on Norman, Emma Spool, and family history, and decides to take Maureen out of harm's way. Maureen first alibis Norman when the sheriff shows up looking for toilet girl, but then leaves with Miss Venable, breaking Norman's heart. Norman is a little distracted through all this however, because Mother has gone missing. When he goes back up to the house to look for her, he finds a note that says, "Norman: I'm in cabin twelve (Duke's cabin). Come see me. Mother."

My friend Nik told me once that one of her favorite moments in film was in American Psycho, when Bateman exaggeratedly brings his arm up to take a drag from his cigar, just moments after whacking up Paul Allen with the axe. She didn't have to explain why she liked it, to me anyway, I thought it was cool, too. Certain scenes, certain moments just, I don't know, resonate. One of my favorites is in this film, when Norman, knowing full well that Mother could not have just walked herself down to Duke's cabin on her own, walks past each of the cabins, one by one, all the way to twelve. The music is right on, it's minor and kind of suspicious, the camera first dollies backwards off to his right, and then comes up behind him the closer he gets. The look on his face is half smile, half la-la land; the lighting is hazy and just odd. I love it every time.

NORMAN! 

So he gets to the room, and finds Mother placed in front of the television (Woody Woodpecker, of all things) and Duke is sweaty and huffy, with blackmail on his mind. And in case you, the viewer, perhaps missed the previous sequel or hadn't been paying attention, Duke presents Mother's face in all its glory so as to prove beyond all shadow of a doubt that she is indeed dead, and has been all this time. I love all the scenes in Duke's room because they're so random and ridiculous; Duke actually kisses Mother's corpse on the cheek. Norman easily overtakes Duke shouting, "No one must know about Mother or what she has done!" After a bit of a surprise rumble in the makeshift-coffin automobile, Norman again triumphs. So long, Duke.

Um . . .

Now. What happens next is really the only part of the film that I find scary. Oh, but before we get to that, Maureen shows up, professes her undying love, and Norman accidently kills her by dropping her down the stairs. That's where the "Mother!" shout that I saw in the preview comes in. After that, Miss Venable shows up, first at the motel and then the house. Everything is dark, and she's going into dark rooms with the camera right up behind, I literally felt like I was right there with her. Once she gets to the house and finds Maureen laid out in a shrine of candles, we finally get confirmation of Norman in Mother's clothing; it's both funny and gross because he's leering at her, just standing right behind her silently with an ear-to-ear psycho grin! "Why can't you leave my poor son, my Norman alone?" (in Mother's voice). They chase around the house and up the stairs, another one of my favorite moments is Norman-Mother straightening a framed picture that Miss Venable upset as he stalks after her, not missing a beat. Miss Venable flees into Mother's bedroom and sees Emma Spool, sewed and stuffed; Norman struggles with her a bit but eventually decides to throw in the towel. Sawdust spills everywhere at the hand of Norman's knife;  Mother is no more. . .

The sheriff comes to take Norman away, the film ends with Norman in the back of the squad car, stroking the corpse's hand that he managed to hide in his jacket, grinning, always grinning. (shudder).

I love it all. Not just because of my boy Jeff Fahey or the fact that I probably have some sick nostalgia at the character Dwayne Duke being a dead on representative for pretty much every douche I ever dated in my life before I got married, not really for any specific reason, I just dig it. A lot. It makes me smile. And if Anthony Perkins was still alive I would probably be his number one Twitter and Facebook stalker.

Yes, Norman, You Are Becoming Confused Again: Psycho 2

In one of my writing magazines there was a recent article about how to have a successful blog. Be useful and entertaining, it said. I wondered if I was either of those things, probably entertaining on my best days but useful? What is the use of this blog when there are millions of others like it?

THEN I WATCHED PSYCHO 2.

And decided that I am useful, useful in that I will blather on forever about films that probably no one else cares about. If I can point out one or two things that will result in someone else's enjoyment of a ridiculous film, even if it's really only one person, ever, I'll be happy. And also I realized that I write this blog basically for myself and maybe my brother, and if there's a great beyond, my old man, so while being useful has its rewards, being nostalgic is infinitely more me.

Psycho 2, 1983, directed by Richard Franklin. IMDB says: After twenty-two years of psychiatric care, Norman Bates attempts to return to a life of solitude... but the specters of his crimes -- and his mother -- continue to haunt him


If you make the commitment to watch this, think of it as something completely different from the original, like a crazy Cousin Eddie, maybe, and appreciate the comedy. The script is not good, it's kind of atrocious, actually, but if you can forgive it these things, sit back and giggle a little, you'll probably have an okay time.


Things that make this a decent sequel: The characters are pretty well done; Lila Loomis (Lila Crane) from the original makes a return, played by the same actress, Vera Miles. She's quite bitchy. Mary (Meg Tilly), Doctor Raymond (Robert Loggia), and whoever that sheriff was were all stellar.


DENNIS FRANZ as replacement motel manager Warren Toomey. Gets his own paragraph, that's how much I liked him. Just trashy and gross, but well done. After Norman fires him and he comes to the diner and starts talking smack ("Last time I eat here!") and then shows up at the motel to pick up his things, shouting and kicking up dirt ("Hey, Psycho, I want you to know I'm movin' out!")? I thought he was a nice, sleazy, comic relief. Things don't end very well for him, however.


Good use of transitional items from Norman's past: His hand hovers over cabin one when Mary comes to the hotel, he opens the silverware drawer and a large butcher knife is laid right over the top, the special tea brew that he used on the old lady is still in the cupboard in a decorative tin, etc. These things are as obvious as a smack on the head with a shovel (ala Emma Spool) but I think they all work. Inserting black-and-white flashbacks together with the items would definitely have been pushing it, this is how they related random objects to the plot in The Ring and it sucked big time---they didn't do that here, thank God. Anthony Perkins's Norman is twitchy, stammering, and just sort of dingy most of the time, but I think it works as a mental patient's normal reaction to entering society after being in the clink for so long.


Norman plays the piano! The notes left about, signed, Mother! The glance he gives the butcher knife at the diner when Toomey berates him! "I'm starting to become confused again, aren't I, Mary?" Nice little random items. And the Bates house really never ceases to thrill me, I love how they still call it "the fruit cellar!" Why not just cellar, or basement?


Things that are kinda lame: Again, the script. Most of the dorky lines fall on Meg Tilly ("just because two people sleep under the same roof doesn't necessarily mean they've made love. . . ") 


Lila Loomis is really abrasive and reactionary, always stomping off and flying off the handle. Tone it down a little, Vera.


The ending is decidedly ridiculous. But you see it coming.


I probably saw this at way too early an age, like everything else on this list, but my most memorable viewing of this was with Charlie, my brother, and Erica, my best friend who lived across the lawn from us. We watched it on a summer night and then made poor Erica walk home ALONE in the dark (nice friends!). I didn't find out until later just how scared she had been, and for good reason. There are three scenes from this film that literally chill my bones: (honorable mention goes to faux-Mrs. Bates hovering in window).

1. The kid that gets offed in the fruit cellar. Two kids sneak into the house (to get high and do it) and someone dressed as Mother Bates surprises them. The sound of her clogs on the basement floor, the snappy way she looks over at them when she hears a noise (not to mention that disgusting, evil potato the girl picks up before they get busy) and of course the repeated plunges into the kid's back with the knife as seen outside the window---ugh. Why the hell would you sneak into someone's scary old house when there is a motel basically inches away? Yuck.


2. The Bloody Towel in the Toilet. This is memorable mostly because it just comes out of no where; Norman goes upstairs to wash his hands and all of a sudden, thick, dark blood comes bubbling out of the toilet and sink. When Mary comes up to find him this way, she tiptoes over to the toilet, plucks the towel out and then flings it into the sink, making a hilarious splat and then snarls, "Je-SUS!" This was another scene that Charlie rewound probably eighty times each time we watched it. So creepy but funny, too.


3. The Near Conclusion, Where Norman Smiles into the Phone. After he starts to go a bit looney again, Norman starts actually talking to a caller he believes to be his mother. Usually he answers the phone, hears who it is, SWITCHES HANDS, and starts telling her how happy he is to talk to her. The creepy smiling happens toward the end, and more than once, I believe. Maybe it's meant to be a tribute to the original conclusion, Norman's creepy smile in the police room, but it gives me goose bumps. Yuck.

So it's campy. Definitely eighties, and definitely something that would make Hitchcock roll over in his grave, but it's not all bad. I had to watch this on VHS (thanks, Nik) in broad daylight, but it was still a good time. There's not nearly as much comedy as Psycho 3, COMING UP NEXT, and regrettably there's no Jeff Fahey, but if you like scary movies, you could do a lot worse.

Desperation and Creepshow.

Yes and yes, but quickly. I am still utterly behind on everything.

Donald, my wonderful friend, picked up Desperation as a feel-better sort of gift (after the bad run of events the past two weeks), I couldn't have been more pleased. I was a little scared to watch as I knew that the (tak!) Cop was going to give me a serious case of the chatters. . . the book had been very disturbing.

"When a sheriff arrests a writer, a family, a couple, and a hitchiker and throws them in a jail cell in the deserted town of Desperation, they must fight for their lives."

It was directed by Mick Garris, released in 2006. The casting was good, Ron Perlman (left) was literally, dead on. "You have the right to remain silent. If you choose to not be silent anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. I'm going to kill you. You have the right to an attorney." Goosebumps! And as far as the story goes, I'm guessing a lot of people might be put off by all the God business, my mother was. It was a big part of the story, but I think if you were willing to buy any of the Tak, tak-a-lah/controlling the animals/evil spirits jumping from body to body, the God stuff shouldn't have been that much harder to stomach, right? The kid was a little bit Magoo, but you know, kids often are.

I don't know if I spaced this during the book or what, but going down into a pit with a hole to blow up the bad evil? I like pits with holes and bad evil, ones having to do with John Locke, or say, a smoke monster? Only instead of the doctor being the savior in this story it's (of course) the writer. Nice work, and "I hate critics?" What writer doesn't?

Creepshow, 1982, directed by George A. Romero. I saw the box for this film back when Terry's Holiday Market was still Tersteeg's, and they had a VHS selection for rental at the front of the store. The cover showed the little theater skeleton, (pictured right), and I must agree, it is the most fun I've ever had being scared, or at least extremely creeped out.

As a whole, I loved the comic structuring of each of the five stories, especially how each scene was illustrated and then faded in exactly, with the actors and setting matching the comic perfectly. It was crafty. I also thought the casting was excellent with many respectable actors taking part, music was perfect, especially the piano instrumentals. Since the film itself is made of five short story segments, let's just break each one down, shall we?

Father's Day: Bedelia bashes her father's head in with an ashtray on father's day; Father comes back from the grave, "I want my cake." For superficial reasons, I really liked this. I always thought Cass, the niece with the brown, permed hair, white jeans, shirt opened three buttons and lots of necklaces, was extremely pretty. Her dancing? Not as pretty, but bad eighties dancing and funny. Ed Harris! Met an unfortunate end (loved the splat sound the grave made when it plopped on him). And the fact that the rotten old corpse really did just want a cake, and used the other aunt's head for it, complete with frosting and candles? How wonderful and fun. My brother and I used to see that stuffy old aunt as a long-haired Julie Honzay (5th grade teacher); the mashing of the cigarette butt into the ashtray to the beat of the disco song Cass dances to was also much appreciated.

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill: Man finds meteor in back yard, touches it, and turns into a weed. I know this wasn't the best in the bunch, but there are some good things about it. For one, I thought King was just fine in his role, he was a goofy dork, just like he was supposed to be! My very favorite scenes in this were some of the lines, "I'll be dipped in shit if that ain't a meteor!" and "METEOR SHIT!" Also the imagined antics in the doctor's office (after his fingers start to turn green) make me giggle every time. That doctor, wheeling by on the stool? "This is going to be extremely painful, Mr. Verrill" running his finger up the blade of the knife, and the random skeleton just hovering around on its own, apparently also on wheels? It was fun.

Something to Tide You Over: Husband punishes his cheating wife and lover by burying them in the sand at high tide. Fine, I guess. Good use of "Camptown Races" in a minor key, and giving a murderer his come-uppance, but probably my least favorite of all of them. The part where Harry (Ted Danson) is shown under water, holding his breath, has always been disturbing for me. Really, you let someone talk you into burying yourself up to the chin in sand? That had to be a little claustrophobic, even acting it. On an unrelated note, sometimes it's hard for me to accept Leslie Nielsen as anything other than Frank Drebbin, despite having played some real a-holes in his career.



The Crate: An ancient hell-monkey is found in a crate; it starts eating everyone. This terrified me the first time I watched it. In fact, I'm quite sure that my brother, Erica, and I watched this right up to janitor getting gobbled and then shut it off, unable to go any further with it. Granted, I was probably ten, but I still remember being rattled to hell. And while I do still find it scary, I really got into the whole nagging wife aspect this time around ("call me Billy, everyone does!"), thinking that this idea had to have been born from a random experience of King's concerning some professor's horrid wife and what in the name of God could he do to be free of her? (!) I dug it. I thought the actors were really, really good in this, with a great chemistry.

They're Creeping Up on You: An unpleasant man in a germ-proof apartment is carried away by a not entirely undeserved roach infestation. Again, not the strongest selection in the group, but a worthy one, I think. All those roaches really do give me the creeps. What I liked best about this is something extremely random, but the way everyone's voices were so distinctive and different. The wife of the man who shot himself on the telephone, she kind of sounded like Ann Margaret or Phyllis Diller maybe, and the maintenance man, through the peep hole in the door. "Oh yes, Mr. Pratt!" "What happened, bugs got your tongue?" Just fun.

These last few King nights? Winner, winner, Chicken Dinner! How exciting!

Malachai Come: Children of the Corn

For every one of my friends I made watch this when we were ten, I'm sorry, but that aside, this film was made for me. Check out the name tag, Grandma, because you're in MY WORLD now.

Children of the Corn, 1984, directed by Fritz Kiersch.

"A boy preacher named Isaac goes to a town in Nebraska called Gatlin and gets all the children to murder every adult in town. A young couple have a murder to report and they go to the nearest town (Gatlin) to seek help but the town seems deserted. They are soon trapped in Gatlin with little chance of getting out alive."


I love this film. It's so crazy and ridiculous and totally eighties, one of the best to come out of the decade, if you ask me. The music is great (and this is where chanting IS warranted), chanting theme with chorus, instrumental, all of it. Sarah's crayon drawings at the opening credits? Genius. The actors get the job done, the script was a great, albeit pretty different flesh-out of King's (extremely) short story, and it's shittin' creepy! 

The opening sequence of all the old timers getting butchered is disturbing. More disturbing is Isaac, the child preacher, standing in the window and the extreme zoom into his sick face while all this is happening. Yuck! Equally gross is his snarling, flailing little spasms when the other members of the flock decide to grab him and hang him up on the cross, he looks and sounds like a rabid mongrel. ("He wants you, too, Malachai, he wants you TOO!")


The special effects for the exploding cornfield were a bit dated, but like I said, it was totally eighties, and I'm fine with it. Some of the natural lighting shots they used inside the abandoned house were kind of neat, just sunbeams shining through the windows and casting shadows, but added to the weird, unsettled feeling of evil in broad daylight that was present in the town. It seems like that kind of thing isn't really done anymore, outside of independent films, that most films' scenes are 100% manufactured down to the last detail. I like seeing rough, cheesey stuff like this, it reminds me of a time without green screens and after effects (without which, hey, my husband wouldn't have a job, but you know what I mean).


The ending admittedly kind of resolves out of no where, all it took for those kids to snap out of it was Burt to yell at them? Kind of weak. However, if someone asked to see my list of favorite eighties horror films, Goddamn, this would be on it. 

When September Ends. . .

If there is one thing I can't stand, it's an unfinished to-do list. So I'm extending my September media items through the weekend so I can get to them in good time without having to rush. Despite having picked some real S-H-I-tut for reading material this month, I have had extremely good fortune with William Styron (author of Sophie's Choice) who I may actually be in love with; I'm also planning on watching the film even though I know it's going to make me very uncomfortable. I'm quite looking forward to hearing Meryl's Polish accent though, when she's not sharing the screen with Amy Adams, she's aces in my book.

Also: September being Hispanic heritage month and all, I took up with KINGPIN (the mini-series, not the Randy Quaid/Woody Harrelson) last night. There are three disks, I got them all in a set when Hollywood on Lyndale went out of business earlier this year. It's good! If you like The Godfather, The Sopranos, or Breaking Bad, seriously, give this a try. Danny Trejo and Sheryl Lee are so far, awesome.

Speaking of my boy, Danny, I am actually going to try very hard to see Machete again before October. I just wasn't able to write about it when I got home from seeing it before, nice writer, right? I just burst in the door, Matt could see that I obviously had been crying, and I walked around in a daze for about an hour, trying to explain just how great the film had been but unable. Yes, Machete made me cry. Well, Rodriguezes (Michelle and Robert) made me cry, put it that way. I will write it up, I promise.

MOVING ON:

Thanks everyone who sent me recommendations for "Scariest Film Ever" project. I took them to heart and I've even made a calendar! Some I am looking forward to a lot. Others I am dreading, but I'm a girl of my word, and if I can find them, I'll watch them. I'm just glad no one brought up Paranormal Activity, because I will not watch it. EVER. Once my other list is finished, I'm starting on yours.

However, these are some that did not make the cut this year for whatever reason. Some (like Fright Night) I feel like I write about every other month anyway, if you really want more on any of these, check the 80s horror tag in the labels section over on the right side, I'm sure there's plenty.

1. The Halloween Series (and we're talking John Carpenter, Rick Rosenthal, and Tommy Lee Wallace directing, not Rob Zombie.)
I think these were scary. They were part of that early 80s horror wave that had a tan, grainy look to everything and were just very unsettling.

Michael Myers peeking out from behind the bush and then up from the clothes line outside the window to stalk Laurie Strode? That's a very real, very disturbing kind of horror. That mask is gross. His slow, deliberate movements are scary, especially in the hospital setting in the second film. Somehow the scalpel as a weapon has always really bothered me. The third film was a kind of black sheep, not having anything to do with Michael Meyers or Laurie Strode, but it's still damned creepy. All those little dolls, and robots in that giant factory? And the turning of human beings into what, fleshy roach and worm havens when the laser on the mask "activates"? Yuck. I still remember that long fingernailed hand hanging off the car door at the end, grasping at nothing and then attacking Dr. Challis, or the way the eyes moved back and forth on the severed head lying on the ground. . .

2. Nightmare on Elm Street series. Ah, yes: comedy and horror combine! I found these to have scary moments also, especially the first one. The boiler room played a pretty major part in the first film, giving it a dirty, boiler-y feeling. I think of Freddy making the finger-knives contraption at the opening (with all the grunting) and just shudder. And the creepy hall monitor? One of my favorite moments. I think just before her scene there was another with a student in Nancy's class, reading from Hamlet, maybe? He started out reading normally, but when Nancy falls asleep and starts dreaming, his voice gets very throaty and creepy ". . . because I have bad dreeeeeaaaaaaams!" That part has always bothered me, Tina levitating around in the body bag also. Loved the three-foot long arms in the ally on Freddy.

The second film had some interesting items but was mostly bad: little girl at the breakfast table with sharp, pink plastic fingers she picked out of the cereal box? THESE ARE MY FOO-MAN FINGERS! Robert Rusler as the smokin' hot friend (you may remember him from Weird Science as Mad Max). . . that's about all. Nancy comes back for the third film to join Patricia Arquette and the kid that played Eyeball Chambers in Stand By Me, blah, blah, blah, although I did enjoy the little Elm Street House Kirsten made out of popsicle sticks, good craftmanship. Freddy starts with the comical taunts as he slaughters; "I said, 'where's the fuckin' bourbon?'" "Welcome to the Prime Time, Bitch!"

Four and Five were forgettably bad. Freddy's Dead had a few chuckles (You're Fucked on the map was my personal favorite; "yeah, well, the map says we're fucked!") but that q-tip getting jammed into Carlos's ear was just awful. "You better speak up, looks like you caught my deaf ear!" Freddy exclaims while jiggling around the hearing aid. Yeee. New Nightmare scared me a little, just because of how it steps outside the film franchise and *attempts* reality film, which, as a concept, was still in its infancy in 1994. Anyway, I like Wes Craven, I think he's all right.

3. Friday the Thirteenth Series. Now I know most people out there don't find any of these scary at all, and okay, maybe not, but trust me, there are creepy parts in these films, especially the early ones. Mrs. Voorhees? "Get her mommy, get her, don't let her get away! Kill her, Mommy, KILL HER!" Yuck. There is a part in the very first film where the mother is looking for Alice, discovers that she's in the closet with the door barricaded, chops all of the stuff out of the way and then does this disgusting excited smirk-sigh when she finally sees her hovering in a corner inside. Fucking GROSS! Charlie made me watch that face, probably ten times in a row, rewind, rewind, rewind. Ugh.

There's also a part in the second film where Amy and Paul go back to the cabin after running through the woods. Everyone else is dead, and they're planning their escape or standoff, whichever, and Amy suddenly stops and says, "Something's not right. Something's not right in here, Paul." Yes, well, Jason in his dish towel face-wrapping (this was before the hockey mask years) was lurking in the corner, so yes, something definitely was not right. I just think it was a really real response to what was going on, and it showed that danger could almost be palpable or something. Heavy, I know.

4. 28 Days Later. I think I watched this for the first time in Hawaii. And I was actually terrified. INFECTED-eds! There is no humor in this film whatsoever, which usually is the way of Zombie films, whether or not it's intentional. I have not seen the sequel, nor do I plan to. . .

5. Fright Night. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is seriously one of my favorites. "Hello, Charlie. I know you're there. I can see you." Long fingernails pulling down the window shade? Chris Sarandon as Vampire Jerry Dandridge is kind of sexy. I said kind of; Eric Northman was still decades off at this point so you had to take it or leave it. Evil Ed? Great lines. +50 for Marcy Darcy as Amy. Red eyes shining in the dark next door at the end still freak me out. . .

6. Alone in the Dark. Now, I haven't actually seen this one, but it's part of a compilation documentary on horror films that I have seen (see #7 below), and the scenes from it have always scared me. Martin Landau apparently plays some escaped mental patient who, together with two others, stalks his psychiatrist. The only scene I can remember is Landau becoming obsessed with the mail carrier's hat and then running the guy down with his van in order to swipe it off his head. Has anyone seen this?

7. Terror in the Aisles. If you like 80s horror, watch this. It's one of my favorites, and will forever remind me of the video store when it was inside 9th Street Boutique. Charlie, Erica, and I watched this I'm sure a hundred times (which was normal, if we liked a film).

A few old Goodies

Best played-down performance, ever. DeNiro is a bit of a dolt, but Stallone more than makes up for it. I highly recommend checking out Cop Land if you haven't already.




Henry Thomas (ELIOT!) is quite good as the young Norman Bates in Psycho 4, The Beginning. Now, none of you Hitchcock purists need to get all up in my face about this, I'm not saying it's cinematic quality, but it is definitely cheese quality. I, for one, LOVE horror movie sequels, well, classic ones anyway. I first saw this business when it came out on HBO, maybe in the year 1988? Janet Leigh introduced it; it was very exciting for my brother and me. We also **thoroughly** enjoyed the previous two sequels, so we were pretty easy sells. There was an element this time around, now that I'm a mother myself, of sheer DISGUST at how Mother Bates (although being very caricatured about it) treated him, and how their twisted relationship almost stirred something emotional in me, especially as the young Master Bates is propping his strychnine-poisoned mother into the rocking chair to finish out her last breaths. Reliving it with the corpse in the rocker was a little more comical than emotional, but you get the point. Ahhhh! The Bates house is on fire! The shot at the end full on looks like a bad painting, but hey. I still had a good time.