Everything I watched in the theater this summer

 I honestly hate how fast this summer has gone. I always say I need 3 Julys back-to-back before I'm ready for it to be August and this current summer has me feeling that more than ever. My psych program has relaxed a little lately in that I'm basically done with core classes, but my clinical practicums always overlap and I never really get a break from one to the next. This year was ideal because my placement was within walking distance of my house and during the summer I was done for the week by 3pm on Wednesday. This is still all unpaid, mind, so there's that challenge, but the upside is I had time to go on bike rides, read, rewatch Dexter and Twin Peaks, get an AMC A-List Membership, and play Guitar Hero Van Halen with my sons (they are so much better than me it's embarrassing). 

Anyway. I'm holding onto the last 2 weeks of summer, I guess because I have enjoyed how my time has gone. There is plenty I have NOT enjoyed, clearly. Most of what's been going on in this country is very upsetting and continues to be. I think I went to the theater as much as I did because it helped me to both escape and regulate. I cried so much that first month, sometimes even at trailers. Here are some very short thoughts on everything I went to at Southdale, starting at the end of May. 

1. Jane Austen Wrecked My Life

Favorite film this year. I had a good time writing about this one. Every setting so lovely; smart people + books + writing = wins. *****

Go to therapy. Please.

 2. Friendship

 Sad and not one bit comical, although as a production it was put together fine. ***

 3. Sinners

 Loved the story, loved the people, loved the music. *****

 4. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning

I was enjoying this very much until I got a text from my daughter that said: Can you come get me? I can't SEE. I left to get her at school, where she had somehow flung a piece of wood from a stick playing pickleball into her eye. 

Her vision was fine in the end. 

5. Bring Her Back

Is this body horror? So much visceral grossness. I also can't handle horror premises around child abuse. Again, put together well but crossed too many lines for me. ***

Cousin Matthew as Hot Priest

6. The Ritual

Also visceral but somehow more tolerable. Oh those Iowa Catholics! ****

7. Thunderbolts

Fine, I guess. Early vomiting sound design did not need to be that realistic, tbh. ****

8. Materialists

Meh characters, meh film. However, Dakota Johnson is very aesthetically pleasing. ***

9. The Life of Chuck

Not nearly enough Tom Hiddleston but whatever. I enjoyed the message. ****

10. 28 Years Later

Not nearly enough Ralph Fiennes but whatever. I enjoyed the message. ****

11. M3GAN 2.0 

Not as scary as the original (or at all, really), but fun. Not fun driving home at 50 mph down side streets with Edina, Richfield, and Minneapolis all blaring their tornado sirens afterward. ***

12. Jurassic World Rebirth 

I kind of felt bad for the dinosaurs, tbh. They were clearly rejected and some of them were . . . a bit difficult to look at. How many of these films do we need, really? *** 

13. Ballerina

Fine, I guess. As with the John Wick series, I get very antsy with the slow, drawn-out deliveries. RED BULL! ***

He's a punk rocker, yes he is

14. Superman

This was good, although I wish I would have just enjoyed it in the moment rather than spending so much time trying to analyze it. The ending and song were the best combo they could have possibly picked. ****

15. I Know What You Did Last Summer

Fine. Not as smart as the first one but still nostalgic and fun. ***

16. Eddington 

It wasn't bad, I just couldn't stand to be in that world for that long. Left after an hour. 

17. The Naked Gun 

I laughed. A lot. Pamela is cute-funny; Liam is serious-funny. ****

18. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning

I went back and really liked it. Claustrophobic submarine antics > Overlong plane chase antics ****

She may have forgotten her long legs but remembered her sticks

19. Weapons

Favorite horror film ever in a theater. Scary AND funny. Lost count of how many times characters and viewers together asked WHAT THE FUCK?, but it was a lot. I sat by some excitable 20-year-old and her boyfriend and we had fun being the easiest jump-scare targets in the place. Gladys (Amy Madigan) was immediately familiar to me as Chanice (Uncle Buck) and Sam's mother Mary Taggart (ER). YIKES.*****

Jane Austin Wrecked My Life

I feel like I've been crying all day. First I went to this film and then I came home and watched the first episode of this season's Handmaid's Tale so the works just keep on watering. I made the decision to start seeing films in the theater again, which I'm a little sad about not getting to do for free anymore since my daughter no longer works at AMC, but whatever. One of the happiest times in my recreational life was when I signed up for the 3-a-week subscription back in 2018 and went to several morning matinees while my kids were in school. I don't think I even wrote about most of them, I just went and watched, taking it all in the moment, I guess. As I am in a holding pattern with two things with my school program right now and recovering from a very rough spring semester (mostly due to a few of my organs deciding they'd had enough of my bullshit and consequently failing/inflaming), I thought it appropriate to seek out as many happiness-producing activities as possible. Turns out you can't just drink for ten years and then ignore your self-care because you're busy. Or at least I can't. 

Anyway, I re-upped the theater subscription; this time you get 4 a week! I will miss having my daughter as a wingman for everything I see, but she's onto bigger and better things and she actually prefers the Edina, now, with its Overlook Hotel writing desk stage upstairs. We used to stop at the bougie Kowalski's in Southdale for Starbies, sushi, and hot cheetos before every film last summer. I love those memories, just like I loved the times I went all those years ago, by myself. 

This film was such a perfect beginning to my summer. I seriously wanted to live inside it, forever. 

Jane Austin Wrecked My Life, 2024. 

Written and directed by Laura Piani 

This film is about books and writing with lovely musical interludes of importance thrown in at pivotal moments. As it takes place in France and is mostly in French, it is a beautiful example of what people do in countries where reading and intelligence and empathy still rank as desirable acts/attributes. It's such a visually beautiful film (French streets, all the books everywhere, Jane Austin's house and all its literary-ness and antiques), it could have well been silent and still been a lovely experience. There were lingering shots of many different decorative elements in the different settings, almost feeling like flipping through very well-composed still photos, and beyond the visuals, the story is emotional and funny. I haven't had the experience of not wanting a film to end in a long, long time, but I wanted to stay with this. It made me want to stay in a fancy house or a little European cafe and read books for days. This is decidedly OPPOSITE of the vibe in America right now. Agathe (Camille Rutherford) says at one point that literature, for her, is like an ambulance speeding through the night that is meant to save people. I think that was the exact moment I started crying (although I came close early on when there was revealed to be a piano *that she plays* in the bookstore). There are no pictures of this piano online yet, nor is there any information about the sonata she plays repeatedly throughout the film. 

I need this title. Someone?

My Octopus Teacher

My husband was watching this and I came in less than halfway through. I watched about thirty seconds of it and knew it was going to make me cry but of course I had to finish it. I won't spoil anything. I won't even describe any of the events that happen because it's just better to discover it your own way, uninformed (don't even google anything because the spoilers come up immediately). What I will say is, this is humanity, the way it should be. 

My Octopus Teacher, 2020. d. Pippa Ehrlich and James Reed

Starring: Craig Foster 

Summary: " A filmmaker forges an unusual friendship with an octopus living in a South African kelp forest, learning as the animal shares the mysteries of her world," (IMDB). 

I think we all know people out there who walk around like Clint Eastwood characters, hating everything, scowling at everyone, but who are able to feel safe in showing kindness and love to animals. This film is important because Craig Foster shows us how to take that kindness and tenderness (which we may keep hidden) and take steps to share it outward, toward other humans, toward the land, and toward ourselves as well.  

See others' existences. Protect the land, protect the seas. Allow yourself to feel and empathize. Take your humanity seriously and challenge yourself to do better. 

Queen of Hearts: A Twin Peaks Fan Film, An Early Look

When filmmaker Cameron Cloutier asked me to check out the early version of his film, Queen of Hearts: A Twin Peaks Fan Film, I was immediately interested. Doing re-watches of the Twin Peaks series along with Fire Walk With Me is something I do at least once every few years. Of course Mark Frost's books, The Secret History of Twin Peaks: A Novel and Twin Peaks: The Final Dossier have provided additional content to enjoy, but getting a chance to revisit the Twin Peaks aesthetic while experiencing the characters of Annie Blackburn and Caroline Powell (with several other familiar faces by their sides) in their own original stories was a very unique and exciting journey. Overall I think Queen of Hearts is a clever story with beautiful imagery and a ton of heart from its creator, cast, and crew.

Annie Blackburn (Madison Bates) is still the newly-crowned Miss Twin Peaks and her escape from The Black Lodge after being abducted by Windom Earl (Paul Griffith Springer) drives the majority of the film's events but she's not entirely on her own. Caroline Powell (Charlotte Roi), Earl's wife and move-for-move partner in eccentricity, enjoys a queen-like power over her husband, over a young and eager Agent Cooper (Nico Abiera), and over the developments that would eventually influence Cooper and Annie's experiences in the greater Twin Peaks narrative. Though woven together skillfully, Annie's and Caroline's stories are not just an afterward and beforehand of the original series but also entirely new adventures, themselves: Annie's are vulnerable, powerful, and linked strongly to Major Briggs (Larry Oblander, II); Caroline's are mysterious, worrisome, and linked to Cooper. Once we begin to understand these two queens we can appreciate their similarities, not just in relation to the men they pair with but in relation to things a whole lot bigger in general. 

Central to the story is also the concept of place, and the visuals in each scene honor the Twin Peaks locations and landmarks we already know while also introducing new ones, just as interesting. Colors and patterns jump out and captivate while trees, bridges, and familiar signage bring intense feelings of nostalgia. The music choices enhance these visual experiences by offering a just-right balance between pop and instrumental, playful and serious. Though there are questions and impossibilities posed by the narrative, we are well-practiced members of this very specific fandom and we can handle them, always in good hands with these skillful technical elements while waiting for answers and enjoying each aesthetic moment. 

Most Twin Peaks fans have their favorites, who they love, who intrigues them, who they want to be.  Personally I never really connected to Annie Blackburn as a character before, as a younger viewer I spent most of my time rotating my interest between Laura Palmer's power and Lucy's outfits. After this journey and in taking in the overall theme of the film (no spoilers!), there is definitely a connection, now. This was a fun, inspiring film, and I'm glad to know Annie's out there, much bigger now than any of us ever knew. Here's to the next adventure! 

Madison Bates as Annie Blackburn

True Romance (with additional drug references)

After David Lynch's Wild at Heart, this film probably had the most influence over me as a viewer and a future film writer. I had seen plenty of edge-y films by the time this rolled around thanks to both of my parents being Stephen King fans and my dad really digging Clint Eastwood. Of course I'd seen love stories like The Princess Bride, The Bodyguard, and Pretty Woman. But seeing a film like this (and Wild at Heart), an edge-y, violent love story was an entirely new experience and one that showed me that films weren't always just entertainment, they could be so much more. I watched True Romance, probably cried, and then decided these were the kinds of films I wanted to see, forever. Little did I know how much influence the writer of this film would eventually have on me, years later! 

True Romance, 1993 d. Tony Scott 

You're so cool!

Written by: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Michael Rapaport, Dennis Hopper, James Gandolfini, Christopher Walken, Brad Pitt, Bronson Pinchot, Gary Oldman, Christopher Penn, Tom Sizemore, Saul Rubinek, Val Kilmer

Summary: "In Detroit, a lonely pop culture geek marries a call girl, steals cocaine from her pimp, and tries to sell it in Hollywood. Meanwhile, the owners of the cocaine, the Mob, track them down in an attempt to reclaim it," (IMDB). 

What's better than a good drug deal story? Drugs always add such an exciting, naughty element. Is someone addicted (Less Than Zero)? Are they concealing the drugs inside other objects like coffee grounds (Beverly Hills Cop) or toy statues (Traffic) or hiding them in a baby's diaper (Three Men and a Baby)? In the 3D Friday the Thirteenth sequel (part three), they actually ate the drugs to get rid of the evidence. Yes I realize these examples are cheesy and there are many better ones, but  whatever, DRUGS! Here Clarence (Slater) obtains a suitcase of drugs while tendering his new wife Alabama's (Arquette) resignation from the world of prostitution and whoops, turns out the mafia wants that suitcase back. 

Clarence has an actor friend out in LA, Dick Ritchie (Rapaport) who thinks he might be able to sell the drugs, but whoops, the director he has in mind has an assistant who just got busted for possession himself and is eventually roped into wearing a wire in order to expose the drug deal. Things get . . . violent. Turns out no one has my sense of humor when it comes to drugs.

In terms of technique, think of the two most dissimilar places in America (such as Detroit, Michigan and Hollywood, California) and you'll have the basics of the contrasts at play in this film. And yes, these two locations are used as the settings for the story, so it's like, literal. The gray and gritty influences are Drexl (Oldman), Vincenzo (Walken) and his mafia henchmen which include a young Tony Soprano himself, James Gandolfini, and Clifford Worley, Clarence's father (Hopper) as well as the vehicles, run down apartments, and unpleasant weather. This Detroit and most who inhabit it are not living lives of optimism. 

In Hollywood, the mood, the colors, and the characters all shift radically: we get palm trees, neons, and big personalities all bathed in the California sunshine. The spaces are interesting---fancy hotels, old school drive-thu restaurants, and an amusement park. Even Dick Ritchie's apartment, made more appealing by the illustrious stoner, Floyd (Pitt), is exciting because of its location presumably among other would-be actors' pads and for the action it sees during the film. Also because drugs.

Transcending the lights and darks and haves/have-nots of the mise en scene, the pop music chosen shows Clarence's link to coolness (as Alabama will later write on her little napkin while Clarence "does business") and arguable mental instability in the secret Elvis communication that happens at crucial decision-making moments. The steel-drum/synthesizer light-hearted motif that comes and goes throughout the film seems to be pure Alabama, her optimism, her acceptance, and her childlike nature, assuring us that no matter how difficult things get it will all turn out fine in the end. In this way, Clarence and Alabama, through their personalities and their naivety, are the wild cards --contained by neither gritty Detroit nor sunny Los Angeles-- who are allowed to travel between places and ultimately outsmart the agents of both. 

The racial insults in Clifford's story to the Sicilians are difficult and upsetting to hear. There's more difficulty near the end when the two cops make rape jokes to Eliot (Pinchot) and added racial epitaphs during the fated hotel meeting with Donowitz (Rubinek). Tarantino writes about unsavory characters, after all, but these moments are still disturbing. Would that these criminals were not so problematic. And obviously it goes without saying that this film is not going to appeal to everyone for these and other reasons, but I still think it has a lot of heart under all its offensive moments. That said if this one gets under your skin, you definitely don't want to go any further in Tarantino's body of work. If you ask me, this story (Alabama in particular) is nothing more than what his answer would be if someone back in the early 90s asked him to describe his ideal date, and I get it. I like most of all this, too, I just don't want to actually GO there. 

Gotta love that wisdom ala Vivianne in Pretty Woman "she rescues him right back," ending, right? Wins like this for women weren't too common, even in the 90s. What a gal. Look for her reference in Reservoir Dogs soon after this film (Hell of a woman, good little thief!).

Scarwid, Tilly, Scarwid

Three weeks ago, my Tuesday film group chose Mommie Dearest. I was really looking forward to it but then realized I had mixed up this film (which I'd never seen before) with Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Child abuse stories are not really my thing, but I made it through okay, I guess. After this selection I was up to choose so naturally Psycho 3 was my obvious follow-up choice as how else would one follow up a Diana Scarwid viewing (other than to jump into LOST's 3rd season where she plays Isabelle, Juliet's nemesis among the others)? Psycho 2 ended up happening in between the two for continuity's sake as my two friends decided they wanted the context before watching 3. I'm disappointed to say they did not enjoy the experience of these two sequels as much as I did, but I suspect this is because they have no personal attachment to the films and they need to follow my example and watch them each 20 times more (faithful readers know I've written about both of them on numerous occasions). 

THAT POOR GIRL.

Mommie Dearest 1981, d. Frank Perry

Written by: Christina Crawford (book), Frank Yablans (screenplay)

Starring: Faye Dunaway, Diana Scarwid, Steve Forrest

Summary: "The abusive and traumatic adoptive upbringing of Christina Crawford at the hands of her mother, screen queen Joan Crawford, is depicted," (IMDB).

Yeah, I can't really do a proper review on this without putting out a giant trigger warning for the extremely intense nature of the child abuse scenes that pretty much happen the entire film. At the hands of Joan Crawford (Dunaway), adopted daughter Christina (Mara Hobel and Scarwid) suffers: Withheld affection and general care, neglect, imprisonment, forced meal of rare steak (not preferred), forced meal of day old rare steak (after two refusals), traumatic hair removal, assault with wire hangers, humiliation, withholding of necessary financials, persistence of rare steak being forced meals even into adulthood, verbal abuse, physical abuse, general instability and inconsistency.

QUEEN.

Does the film competently portray these events? Yes. The production is solid. The sets are very impressive, Dunaway is physically and emotionally brilliant, and both Christinas (Hobel and Scarwid) pull off amazing performances. But make no mistake, this is not an enjoyable experience. Had I not known this was based on the real Christina Crawford's experiences with her mother I may have been slightly less disturbed, but fiction or non-, this is an extremely hard to stomach story. Honestly, I'd prefer The Human Centipede. 

Psycho 2 1983, d. Richard Franklin 

Written by: Tom Holland, based on characters by Robert Bloch

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Meg Tilly, Vera Miles, Robert Loggia, Dennis Franz

Summary: "After twenty-two years of psychiatric care, Norman Bates attempts to return to a life of solitude, but the specters of his crimes - and his mother - continue to haunt him," (IMDB). 

What else can I write about this, after years of writing about it? I still think it's a good film. A good sequel (not to be held to Hitchcock technical standards, OBVS) and a good standalone. It's scary! The story took Norman Bates and put him back in circulation so the world could mess with him a little, and we the audience get to re-experience all the fun stuff from the first film (Norman and Lila, the motel and the fruit cellar, Mother's outfit, etc.) but with a lighter, 80s vibe. 

Speaking of 80s, Mary Loomis (Meg Tilly) has a string of outfits that belong in my Pinterest. I didn't think of this in time to get any still photographs of the clothes, but blue, cranberry, and gold cowl necks with broach pins, I think she has a cute little ensemble with a beret? One of these days I might re-watch again and draw out her outfits, fashion-plates style.  

The scary parts for me are the murders, of course, but they were made more intense by the music, or in some cases just the sound design. The noises in the fruit cellar when the two kids sneak in to mess around are creepy: first the girl hears something in the next room, then we get the clacking of the shoes as Mother (Emma Spool, who looks a little tall, tbh) walks by, and then the wood pile disassembling, the squeaking of the guy's fingers down the window, and the wet squelches of the knife going into his back, repeatedly. Yikes. 

There are fun musical moments that depict Norman's slide into confusion with a lot of synthesizer effects (investigating or revealing), nostalgic, happier memories (finding Mother's room all fixed up), and up and down emotion (Beethoven on the piano). 

The cast of actors throw out a high-level collection of performances, they seem to play well off each other (although I didn't like hearing about how Anthony Perkins was mean to the young Meg Tilly), and everyone is interesting, even down to the crabby old Stockard Channing lookalike waitress, Myrna (Lee Garlington). There are moments of cringe, most of them with the way certain people are stabbed, pretty visceral and hard-core, but there is subtlety in some of the scares, too. Mother's notes, the slow way Mother (Mary, in Mother's clothes) hovers in the window looking out, and the confused hand-switching phone calls that seem to launch Norman back into insanity each time (who even is calling him the first time, is it Emma Spool?). Little moments that take their time. It's a lengthy film, just under 2 hours, but if you're into it, you savor every one of those moments. 

Although I enjoy it, I can see how newcomers to the film might feel a little bit blindsided by the ending, my friends both seemed to be, because Emma Spool isn't highlighted very much and she does disappear for nearly the entire film after her handful of scenes early on. If you do go back and keep an eye on her, you'll see that she's really the only one who supports Norman right off the bat, seems a little scowl-y when Norman sticks up for Mary (!) after the broken plate, and was the last one standing by the ticket wheel when Mother's note went missing. Not overt foreshadowing, but you know, subtle hint-dropping.

And finally, I just love Meg Tilly, then and now. Check out her lovely YouTube channel, Meg's Cozy Tea Time and enjoy her quirky, fun, wholesome stories about writing, tea, acting, and her family! 

<<<<<-------Also enjoy this shot of Warren Toomey's amyl nitrate, photo credit by "Toasted Cheese Sammich" from my Tuesday group.

Psycho 3 1986, d. Anthony Perkins

Written by: Charles Edward Pogue, based on characters by Robert Bloch

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Diana Scarwid, Jeff Fahey

Summary: "Norman Bates falls in love with a fallen nun who stays at the Bates Motel
alongside a drifter and a curious reporter. Meanwhile, "Mother" is still watching," (IMDB). 

Side note: I never really thought about the significance of having Maureen Coil (Scarwid), lookalike to Marion Crane and Norman's love interest, be a failed nun. I mean, I guess if there was one perfect girl for Norman, a religious, naive virgin who can't dance and still wears puffy-sleeved dresses would be a hit. Not in Mother's eyes, though. 

Anyway, if you thought Psycho 2 was outlandish, I can't imagine what you're going to think of this. Dead nuns right off the bat. Good old Norman, filling taxidermy birds' sawdust with his peanut butter spoon. DWAYNE DUKE (Fahey), MY FRIENDS JUST CALL ME DUKE (complete rant on him, below). Tracey Venable (Roberta Maxwell) and her smart mouth talk and bad dresses/hair that make her look 83 years old. The killings (or attempts) start early and they roll hard the entire film. Apparently Norman's . . . appetites are a little less controlled now and really any woman just bothering to exist in his presence is fair game, all prompted by "Mother's" angry urgings, of course. 

I thought Scarwid did a great job, here. She played innocent and vulnerable really well and her very specific voice was perfect for Maureen. Nice little Arbo-gast tumble down the steps there (with added Cupid's arrow), too. Poor Maureen.

Overall, the scary moments are fewer in this film, probably to make room for all the sexual weirdness someone decided was a good idea. "Mother" is kind of scary, but she's kind of funny, too. "Stand up straight and wipe your snotty little nose!" I mean, whatever. We KNOW she's stuffed Emma Spool, but I think keeping her face hidden or in the dark until the reveal in cabin 12 was smart. The female-voiced chanting music during the spy session into Maureen's room was creepy, and I think it returned late in the game during Norman's drive out to the swamp and it always gave me the chatters. Really the entire cabin 12 scene has always really freaked me out, just the strange vacant smile Norman has as he walks down there along with the color of the scene itself, first kind of green and then dark and shadowy when we know that no one's around and "Mother," who we know cannot have written the note on the table or have just walked off somewhere, missing in action. It's just an icky, disturbing kind of suspense and I both love and hate it. 

Bringing me to DUKE. Trashy-hot but seriously: 

*Would-be rapist

*Maker of PORN COLLAGE that spans the walls of the inside of cabin 12 as well as a RANDOM LAMPSHADE. He rolls into the Bates Motel, gets hired, and the next night when he brings home his unnamed companion, there it is. Clearly he unpacked his bags and got right to work on it. So devoted to his porn collage! What a guy.

*Five dollar thief

*Extreme jerk (post-coitus) to unnamed companion, eventually becoming verbally and physically abusive. Had he allowed her to stay in his room or engaged nicely in the conversation she seemed intent on starting, she might have lived a little longer. As it was, Norman really had to make a statement and put his fist through the phone booth before actually murdering her. Why? Dramatic flourish, I guess. Talk about wrong place at the wrong time.

*Sufferer of radical personality change halfway through film after seeing "Mother" up in window during thunderstorm homecoming night. Quiet and polite during police questioning of Norman (re: Patsy, the toilet victim) but suddenly manic, sweaty, and crazed for the cabin 12 meet-up for the battle of "Mother's" corpse. Did he get into Toomey's old stash of uppers somewhere? WHY THE CHANGE? I mean at least we got to see some of his songwriting in action, but still. 

*And ultimately, forever swamp-dweller. RIP, Duke. You sucked. 

The ending, starting with Venable and the tire iron, is scary. Seeing Norman dressed up, grinning, and speaking in Mother's voice is scary. Every time I want her to not go into the house, to just drive away and drop the whole thing but no. Although Norman straightening the painting Venable knocked askew is still one of my favorite moments of the film. At least she lived to tell the tale.

So there you have it. It's nice (for me, anyway) to know that certain 80s films still provoke such rants, decades later. Does anyone else love these? I want to know you if you do.

Film Scenes, Film Moments

 I watched two films last week that I really thought I liked as a teenager but that unfortunately haven't held up for me the same way as an adult viewer, Soapdish (1991) and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989). My kids watched with me and said the former was weird but loved the latter. 

Maybe "haven't held up" is the wrong way to describe what I mean. I loved both of these films as a teenager, as in really loved them to the point of obsession, and now, the age I am now I realize that I must have really had a thing for outlandish, ZANY stories. Not smash hit award-winners, but, you know, excessive stories. Fun stories. Stories with memorable moments that I think about 20 years later.

Like this: Sally Field is amazing in everything she does (my kids know her as Maggie, Abby's mother from ER) but I think her physical comedy in Soapdish is brilliant. Hanging off the drain pipe outside the apartment, kicking and flailing her legs on the couch talking to Rose (Whoopie Goldberg), and the GRADE A FREAKOUT on the set when she sees the attempted kiss between her ex (Kevin Kline) and her daughter (Elizabeth Shue). 

They way they just calmly lift her off him! Teri Hatcher's HAIR. Next to the turban situation early on in the film, this was Maggie's best rant. 

Bill and Ted was a different kind of outlandish, I think the budget was probably a lot lower and it was marketed (and scripted) to win over teenagers, not adults, but it's still fun. The special effects are fine for the time, I guess, the settings were basic but effective. Overall both then and now, I loved any of the music that was not performed by Bill or Ted, themselves. The song during Napoleon's time at the waterpark, Beethoven's synthesizer grind at the mall, and my favorite, Robbie Rob's "In Time," which played during their travel to the futuristic place with the blue shadows and the air-guitar strumming citizens. I remember watching this at home when it came out on video and rewinding the scene just so I could hear the song again. I'm reminded of it every time my kids play "Cliffs of Dover" on Guitar Hero, just because both songs give me a similar late 80s fun guitar vibe. 

So even though I wouldn't count either one of these as my favorite films, I feel like these scenes will stay with me forever, being so memorable and personally pleasing in almost a flashbulb memory kind of way. Do others have this? I think come by this pretty easily because I was taught to. Not simply because I was brought up in a family that was always watching and rewatching films but because the only time my father, a very stern, not outgoing or humorous man in any form, allowed his actual personality to show was in regard to film, music, or television. I never saw him cry from sadness, but the first time I saw him laugh himself into tears was during the scene in The Cannonball Run where the motorcycle bursts into the restaurant through the wall, zips by everyone, and busts out the opposite wall. Everyone just stands around confused and Sammy Davis Junior goes, "What in the hell was THAT?" Ditto the reaction and add my mother after the "Flying Shithouse" pigeon kick in Cat's Eye. I think they laughed (and bawled) for a solid half hour after that one. 

My brother always enjoyed the close up shot of the tire on Christine just after Moochie innocently calls out (to whom he thinks is Arnie), "Hey, you ain't mad, are ya?" and the car attacks with a squeal. He also made my best friend rewind the shot of Joan Wilder swinging across the river and landing with a plop on Romancing the Stone a ridiculous number of times. I think we all enjoyed the "Mrs. Peacock was a MAN?" double-slap of Mr. Green in Clue. 

I think if my dad were still alive, he'd really love Lebowski's dumpster collision, although it's hard to say if it would evoke any tears from laughter. Personally I love the rhythmic roof-of-the-car slapping to Creedence that happens just before that, punctuated with Larry Sellers' poorly graded homework sheet to close out the scene. 

MOMENTS! 

Bad Times at the El Royale

This film is a vibe for a couple different reasons. First, I went to it in the theater as a morning matinee back when I was on the AMC Stubs monthly program (unlimited films for $25!) and really enjoyed it and I really like thinking back to that time in my life. I only had one grad class, was working part time nights, and my kids were all in school every day so I just spent my weekdays going to whatever films were showing in the morning. Jesus, what a life! Why did I stop doing this, exactly? And second, I grew up in a small town that had a very seventies-holdover supper club and motel called The Sheep Shedde that was like a low-rent, small town version of the El Royale. Upon this reviewing I found myself longing for the old place, which has since been updated from its 70s design and decor, and wishing I could actually spend time inside a real El Royale (although it wasn't a real structure, only a set built for the film). If I had millions of dollars I would buy that place and live there. Tri-colored panes of vertical decorative windows and CALIFORNIA/NEVADA-SHAPED KEYS FOR EACH ROOM! 

Bad Times at the El Royale, 2018 d. Drew Goddard

Written by: Drew Goddard

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Cynthia Erivo, Jon Hamm, Dakota Johnson, Chris Hemsworth

Summary: Early 1970s. Four strangers check in at the El Royale Hotel. The hotel is deserted, staffed by a single desk clerk. Some of the new guests' reasons for being there are less than innocent and some are not who they appear to be," (IMDB). 

Be patient with this! It takes its time and scatters its payoffs all the way through, but this film is a mighty good story. Five good stories wrapped up in one, actually, but that's why you need to be patient, each one of the characters is important enough to come with a history, and each history plays a huge part in the characters' actions once at the El Royale. Bring snacks, take breaks, or rewind certain parts if you need to, but stay with it! The story is clever and brilliantly told but you have to pay attention. Long films that take a while to get going can be difficult to stay the course through, but that's where the technical stuff comes in for periodic hits between the measured storytelling.

I mean, look at these: 

The music, whether it's pop selections from the 70s era or instrumental fill, is always interesting. Darlene Sweet (Cynthia Erivo), the vocalist, carries whatever scene she's in by simply being there, whether it's singing or speaking, her voice is captivating. The pop selections chosen do a lot in the way of establishing the timeframe but also in giving the film a hip sort of relevance that the scenery couldn't swing on its own. The grandness and preserved look of the El Royale seems to be straight out of a Kubrick film, which holds true throughout as the sinister nature of the hotel is eventually uncovered bit by bit, but at the same time, the characters reflect on their choices and experiences, bringing in pieces of the outside world (pop music, former relationships, medical diagnoses) the importance of which doesn't quite make itself known until the last third of the film. I watched True Romance a few days ago and this story felt like a stylized, longer version of that, with muted colors, smarter people, and less Tarantino/Scott but more Kubrick/Soderbergh. 

The actors all had great chemistry together; the theme of evil or decay is worth examining (El Royale as a place where all potential, past and present, goes to die/the white male capitalist system has ruined everyone, even those who sought to exploit it), and as I've said, the visuals are brilliant. For those with the attention span, a veritable feast for eyes, ears, and brain! 

P.S. I don't really agree with the Chris Hemsworth/heavy marketing they decided to go with for this, I mean I get that he sells tickets just by his aesthetic but he was a supporting character, not a lead, and his scenes were by far the least interesting and my least favorite (until the very end, I suppose). 

Rupert Friend Double Feature

The forgotten Netflix disks from the 2010s continue to arrive. Clearly I was on a kick. And for the record, I would watch Rupert Friend in anything. 

The Young Victoria 2009.

d.  Jean-Marc Vallée, written by Julian Fellowes

Starring: Emily Blunt, Rupert Friend, Paul Bettany

Summary: "A dramatization of the turbulent first years of Queen Victoria's rule, and her enduring romance with Prince Albert," (IMDB).

This was a chill, wholesome, Jimmy Carter-calibre story of leadership. I'd say most Americans could use something like this for a palate cleanser, as in, look, see? AREN'T THESE NICE, SMART PEOPLE? Aren't their problems and hiccups just sort of . . . CHARMING? There's something gratifying about Victoria (Emily Blunt) assuming the crown, marrying someone she loved, and then going on to have nine children with relatively little drama. The bumps in the road seemed to stem from men's desire to control the crown (we fans of The Crown are well-versed in this, girl ruler = ignorant, gullible + needs a man to manage for her) but Victoria handles her adversaries quite skillfully despite her youth and inexperience. Everything looks gorgeous, a ton of Game of Thrones and Harry Potter alum are scattered throughout (also hi there Vision!), and bonus for Prince Albert grinding those Schubert piano pieces! I think this may have been one of my favorite period pieces about royals, ever. 

Rupert Friend as Prince Albert was a soothing balm to my soul. Lovely appearance, a bit of that brooding but stifled romantic vibe we came to love from Quinn in Homeland, and German accent very nicely done. I loved the understated almost shy chemistry between Friend and Blunt; how refreshing to see an actually functional relationship between two intelligent people in power. Too little, too late, I realize, but has Prince Charles seen this? Someone should give him notes. 

Hitman: Agent 47, 2015. 

d. Aleksander Bach, written by: Skip Woods (story and screenplay, based on video game by Morton Iverson and Peter Gjellerup Koch). 

Starring: Rupert Friend, Hannah Ware, Zachary Quinto, Ciarán Hinds

Summary: "An assassin teams up with a woman to help her find her father and uncover the mysteries of her ancestry," (IMDB). 

Apparently people didn't like this film. I don't know what everyone's problem is, I had a great time. It's not your everyday action film, the stars are largely lesser known, some of the dialogs are a little blunt and clunky, and the premise does seem a little far-fetched when you think about it, but don't think about it! Just relax and enjoy the ride! You get some nice fight choreography, different international locations, energetic music, and clever evasive maneuvers and strategies. This is something I might have found back in the day on a cable station and been unable to turn off. Will the experience be made better under the influence of a substance or several drinks? Very likely, yes, but being as I'm judge-sober these days, I had a perfectly decent experience without. What did I like best about it? Colors. Conspiracy walls. Stern characters. An elevated kind of knowing that stood in for traditional "super powers." Rupert Friend as a villain. 

I thought the little twists in the plot were good ones that matched the overall vibe of the characters, and the chases, fights, and environments were visually appealing enough to keep me engaged. This is not a film where the characters banter cleverly with each other or use humor really at all, but it's a straight-forward, solve-the-problem technological action thriller. I think if you're patient with it, it's a good enough film. 

All My Vampers

Ever since I heard True Blood's Andy Bellefleur (Chris Bauer) first pronounce the word vampire, "VAMPER" I have adopted it as my preferred way of saying it. I have to remind myself to actually say vampire when it comes up outside my own home, which is a lot more often than I thought it would be. This is not unlike Mark Borchardt stubbornly calling his film Covin,  COE-VIN, which I also do. 

Salem's Lot, 2004 d. Mikael Salomon

Written by: Stephen King (novel); Peter Filardi (teleplay)

Starring: Rob Lowe, Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer, Samantha Mathis, Andre Braugher

Does a Stephen King adaptation even need a summary? Bodies start piling up as a mysterious newcomer stalks a small North Eastern town. And as always, there's a writer.

This somehow made it onto my Netflix disk queue and was delivered the week after I finished rewatching The Twilight Saga. Someone, somewhere must have recommended it to me, although I think my Netflix queue still has stuff on it from 2010 that is just now coming up. 

I don't really have a ton to say about it; even though it's a 2004 production, the vibe is very much cheesy 80s film that you don't get too mad about or invested in. There are very good parts: the casting was interesting, the timeframe was updated from the seventies to (then) modern times, and Donald Sutherland as bad guy Striker seemed to really have fun with this role (the scene of him giddy and scampering up the stairs after a victim made me laugh, a lot).  There are also bad parts: the writing of the relationship between Dr. Jimmy and Sandy was cringe-worthy, the Ben Mears voiceover was mostly lame, and I keep waiting for someone to put the knives-under-the-vanishing-stairway bit from the book into a film adaptation (this didn't), but overall I still enjoyed the experience. This is exactly the kind of film we would watch for our Tuesday group and either spend the whole time overanalyzing or laughing at everything. I actually really dug the ending. My husband had the idea for Ben Mears (your favorite and mine, Rob Lowe) to shout out "Let's Rock," in conversational tone every time they went to kill a new vampire. Yes, everything Rob Lowe does must be related back to St. Elmo's Fire, forever. 

In terms of the vampire genre, I think True Blood might have ruined me a little when it comes to fangs. The retractable (kind of sexual) obviousness of all the Bon Temps Vampers' fangs springing out left and right made me realize that fangs are important. I'm not saying they need to be that clicky or anything but good fang work must be written into the special effects budget. Otherwise the killings are basically zombies who bite necks, why even bother with it? 

The fang work in this film was adequate (Rutger Hauer wore them beautifully), just like the fangs in The Lost Boys were good if a little thick, but I go back to one of my favorites again and again for both fangs AND creepy claw nails, and that's the original Fright Night. Chris Sarandon as Jerry Dandridge is one of my favorite vampires,ever---attractive and creepy. Enough time has passed for me to try the remake starring Colin Farrell again, which I don't particularly remember digging too much, so maybe look for that this fall when I get into the horror lists properly. 

Cameron (Obnoxious and Anonymous) and I discussed the Twilight Saga a few days ago, and obviously, the attractive aesthetic is alive and well with these vampires with added sparkle and eye-change features, but seriously, had there been a little more attention devoted to fangs, I think it would have elevated the vampires, specifically their fight scenes, to the next level. 

Though I realize I'm missing the Wheadon series (I know, I'm getting to them), I decided to list my favorite vampire experiences in film, television, and books below. Tell me what you think I should do next! 

1. Fright Night (1985 film)

2. I Am Legend (book by Richard Matheson)

3. Dracula (book by Bram Stoker)

4. The Lost Boys (1987 film)

5. Dracula (1992 film)

6. Nosferatu (1922 film)

7. True Blood (television series) 

8. Fevre Dream (book by George RR Martin)

9. The Passage Triology (books by Justin Cronin)

10. I Am Legend (2007 film)

11. The Twilight Saga 

12. The Southern Vampire Mysteries (The Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris)

13. From Dusk Til Dawn (1996 film)

14. "The Reluctant Vampire" (Tales from the Crypt Episode)

In the meantime, if you're down for a nice long chat about The Twilight Saga, check out our discussion (I think I only slip and say "Vamper" once!").

Memories of My Favorite Batman

 I'm a pretty easy audience because I don't think I've ever met a Batman I didn't like. And for the record, Burton's vehicles are the best! Batmobile sleek and long; Joker's cars for his team pink bodies with green tops and CHRISTMAS LIGHTS IN THE BACK WINDOWS! 

Batman, 1989 d. Tim Burton

written by Bob Kane (Batman Characters) and Sam Hamm (Story and Screenplay)

Starring: Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson, Kim Basinger, Jack Palance, Billy Dee Williams, Pat Hingle, Robert Wuhl

Summary: "The Dark Knight of Gotham City begins his war on crime with his first major enemy being Jack Napier, a criminal who becomes the clownishly homicidal Joker," (IMDB)

There's a lot of background for this "review." It was the summer of 1989, I was thirteen, and this film was everywhere. We started seeing ads, were treated to Prince's "Batdance" on MTV and the radio, and soon, the merchandise arrived, even in our tiny town! Bat cards. Bat earrings. Black T-shirts with the golden bat emblem. Because the theater was thirty miles away, we had to carefully coordinate how and when we would get to see the film, not only because of the distance and needing to be driven, but because the showings were sold out for weeks on end. In the meantime, we took solace in watching the old sixties show with Adam West and Burt Ward on cable. 

As I had been too young for Star Wars in the theater, Tim Burton's Batman would be my first blockbuster experience and I was intent on milking the event to the absolute maximum. I got the shirt; my BFF Erica got dangly bat earrings. We both stalked Food N' Fuel daily with my 9-year-old brother to collect the entire series of Bat Cards. We taped Batdance both from MTV and the radio. I remember walking mornings over to the kids I was babysitting and anticipating the entire time during the swim lessons and playtime at the park for their eventual afternoon naptime when I'd get to see Prince and the half-bat, half-joker getup in front of that epic synthesizer setup (I had no idea what "lemme stick the 7-inch in the computer," meant then, but assumed it was something naughty). I remember the week I finally got to go to the film in Willmar, Minnesota so fully I can picture how the sky looked, how the temperature was in the high eighties, and how I wore my hair (bangs, big, courtesy of Rave, non-aerosol, level 4).

It was a case of piecing together scenes from the cards, at first anyway, since I had them all and looked at them often enough to have memorized the images and the titles from scenes in the film (i.e., "Eckhardt, Think About the Future" or "No Deals, Grissom!") But the cards were tiny and didn't come with music so seeing it all on a theater screen was better than I ever could have imagined. It was the first film experience I remember where I wasn't even halfway through it and I found myself wishing it would never end. If I had been able to turn around and watch it a second time directly after the first, I would have. 

The aesthetics and the music were most impressive to me, even at thirteen. I didn't yet recognize the goth, shadowy Burton-esque environments or the preoccupation with machinery but I was blown away by the way loud colors stood in for the Joker's evil with greens, purples, and oranges and how darkness was actually linked to goodness. I wasn't familiar with any of composer Danny Elfman's other scores yet, but I loved the contrast between the heroic Batman theme and the sort of bumbling orchestral descents given to the Joker's antics, dotted with Prince's music on streets and in the museum. I knew who Michael Keaton was, I knew who Jack Nicholson was, and I loved them both every minute they were on screen. Kim Basinger was new, but I loved her, too, and modeled my hair (poorly) after her as Vicky for years after this, tiny braid and all. Everyone was so iconic. It was all so exciting!

I came out of that theater into the hot sun and wondered how I could take the feelings I had just experienced during that film and turn them into something, some kind of involvement, or project. Something that I could preserve and love and revisit that could last my entire life. 

We watched Burton's Batman as a family a few nights ago. I tried to explain how meaningful the film was to my kids in an abbreviated version of what I've just written, above, and my teenage daughter interrupted about halfway through--- "Are you seriously CRYING OVER BATMAN?" 

(yes, I was). 

My best friend Erica had this poster hanging in her room for years. 
(LOVE THAT JOKER!)

It Was the 80s: How to Fix Revenge of the Nerds

So it took me a while to figure out how to write about this film, one I've loved for most of my life. A way which would allow me to celebrate the good parts but also discuss what I consider to be two highly problematic scenes and one missed opportunity. Here's what I came up with:

Revenge of the Nerds, 1984 d. Jeff Kanew 

Written by: Tim Metcalfe, Miguel Tejada-Flores, Steve Zacharias, Jeff Buhai (story)

and Steve Zacharias and Jeff Buhai (screenplay)

Summary: At Adams College, a group of bullied outcasts and misfits resolve to fight back for their peace and self-respect (IMDB). 

The Good Things: 

Gilbert (Anthony Edwards), Booger's crass comedy when not aimed toward Lamar or the Omega Mus, Ogre (Donald Gibb) as an effective 45-year-old man-bully, all names of characters in general, the montage sequence of fixing up the yellow house, the loophole into Lambda's provisional chartership, the awkwardness of the party (pre-wonderjoints), the music, the revenge involving liquid heat upon the Alpha Betas, the Greek games, and the winning skit performance

Photo Credit: The New Yorker

The Two Seriously Problematic Things

1. The violation of the women in the Pi House: recording their nudity, sharing it among the group and then stamping Betty Childs' (Julie Montgomery) naked likeness onto the pie plate for the charity fundraiser

2. The manipulation of Betty Childs in the moon room that resulted in her engaging in sexual relations with Lewis to which she did not consent because of the Darth Vader mask hiding his identity. 

Now. These two things were definitely what earned the film's R rating and were probably the parts most teenagers wanted to see, but I think it could have been done with more respect and less violating. For instance, have the panty-raid go off as performed, allow Lewis/Gilbert/Poindexter to surprise the respective women in their underwear or topless, then, done. Haha, naked girls funny, now we go home. No taping. No Betty Childs boob stamp. True, it's still a violation of sorts, no one wants to be seen naked by random creeps who have invaded their living quarters, but in the end, it's more of a "we're horny and curious" kind of violation (as in Porky's) and not a precursor to revenge porn one.

The moon room could still work, but somehow have Betty get the mask off forcing Lewis to plead his case to Betty which would allow her to consent. "If I'm not the best lay in all of Adams College . . . " or something like that. She gets to decide. If she says no, whatever, Lewis tried. He still could go on with the rest of the Tri-Lambs to win the festival and take over the Greek council, maybe even hook up with that brunette with the long side pony and pink prom dress from the party again. If she says yes, keep things the same as they were: Lewis is a sexual legend (presumably at items other than fraternity jack-rabbiting ala Stan Gable), Betty falls in love, and everyone lives happily ever after. 

Allowing Lewis, one of the film's heroes, to successfully rape Betty by deception makes him worse than any of the Alpha Betas. As far as we know (and this is a big assumption, I get it) none of them raped anyone by coercion. Although the existence of that sheep for initiation purposes concerns me . . . 

And I know this wasn't on anyone's radar back in 1984, because consent and women's safety were not even afterthoughts and wouldn't be until DECADES later, but they should have been. Even if the entire theme of the film was about bullying and revenge, the idea that nerds deserve to be treated kindly pretty much loses its power if it only applies to men. Take the differences between Betty Childs and Judy (Michelle Meyrink), Gilbert's love interest. 

Betty is aesthetically pleasing, desirable, and leader of her sorority. She is skilled at: 

1. Bad shoulder dancing at the fated Alpha Beta "fireball" party

2. Recording the minutes at the Greek Council meeting as secretary

3. Singing off-key "Old Mac Donald"

4. Snapping fingers and rocking back and forth while cheering "ooh, ahh, Alpha Beta!" at Greek Games

5. Having high sex drive (Stan claims she's "like a goat" at charity fundrasier)

So to summarize, not smart, not talented, but interesting because she's pretty and sexual. It doesn't take a ton of thought to realize that she's the prize to be won, here. 

Judy, on the other hand is not aesthetically pleasing and is good at nothing. She's kind and empathetic, but that gets her very little, value-wise. Her shortcomings:

1. Having no computer skills despite being clearly in the nerd camp

2. Awkward 

3. Not especially memorable or clever in any way

4. (And this is the one that gets me): BAD AT ACCORDION

Make no mistake, I'm not faulting a beginning musician for being bad at their chosen instrument, I'm upset that Judy, as a character, couldn't have ONE thing she was good at. It was a missed opportunity not letting that happen. She matched the physical aesthetic of all the other nerds, so that wasn't a huge deal, and Gilbert seemed to really be into her, allowing her to become desirable, at least to him. In contrasting Judy with Poindexter (also a terrible instrumentalist), we see his intelligence but never hers. She doesn't even get to be clever ala saving the group by a deep dive into the Lambda's by-laws (Poindexter's win) or helping in any way that involves wit unless you count her idea to bring over the Omega Mus, which really paved the way for hella mean comments and provided the focus of the Alpha Beta/Sisters of Pi Old MacDonald mockery with the pigs. Annoying.

If Judy was allowed to be the nerd version of Betty Childs, she should have been smart and capable. If not an equal in the computer lab, she should have been a WIZARD on that fucking accordion. Having Judy be unimpressive and blah might be closer to reality (there are unimpressive, blah people everywhere), but it just seems skewed, giving female viewers little choice between that blah-ness and Betty Childs' existence as an accessory for men to pass around. Looking at the poster for the film, you wouldn't even know Judy exists because she was not given a placement in it. 

Cameron (Obnoxious and Anonymous) and I chatted about the film about a month ago where these and many other concerns were addressed. We both really enjoy the film overall and I think were pretty surprised at how many different directions our discussion ended up going (I only ranted hard once, about right-wing creativity in light of the Alpha Betas "Mr. Touchdown" homecoming skit). Check the video out, below:

And if you're still yearning for more, check out Ian Crouch's piece for The New Yorker on how Revenge of the Nerds culture played into the Brett Kavanaugh situation, which I absolutely love (that this article exists, not that the topic it examines happened).