A Clash of Kings

Sometimes people ask me why I hate on chick flicks and mushy literature so much; it's probably because my favorite things in the world are clever, powerful stories with clever, powerful characters (not often found in the aforementioned media).

Or maybe there's just so much garbage out there that finding someone who actually has the ability to craft both words and ideas into something really spectacular literally causes me to ripple in amazement. I'm a pretty easy film audience (in a year of doing proper reviews, I've given only two sub-par ratings that I remember) but books are harder. Writing is a hard thing, and you can tell every time if someone knows what they're doing or have been lucky enough to, well, get lucky. I'll go with skill over luck every time (BIG, BAD SPOILERS AHEAD. BEWARE):

Men were crawling from the river, men burned and bleeding, coughing up water, staggering, most dying. He led his troop among them, delivering quicker, cleaner deaths to those strong enough to stand. The war shrank to the size of his eye slit. Knights twice his size fled from him, or stood and died. They seemed little things, and fearful. "Lannister!" he shouted, slaying. His arm was red to the elbow, glistening in the light off the river. When his horse reared again, he shook his axe at the stars and heard them call out, "Halfman! Halfman!" Tyrion felt drunk.

The battle fever. He had never thought to experience it himself. Jaime had told him of it often enough. How time seemed to blur and slow and even stop, how the past and future vanished until there was nothing but the instant, how fear fled, and thought fled, and even your body. "You don't feel your wounds then, or the ache in your back from the weight of the armor, or the sweat running down into your eyes. You stop feeling, you stop thinking, you stop being you, there is only the next fight, the foe, this man and then the next, and the next, and the next, and you know they are afraid and tired, but you're not, you're alive and death is all around you but their swords move so slowly, you can dance through them laughing." Battle fever. I am half a man and drunk with slaughter, let them kill me if they can!



They tried.

See that? The guy that wrote it knows what he's doing.

Game of Thrones: House Lannister

House Lannister of Casterly Rock

Blazon: Lion
Words: Hear me roar!
Family: Lord Tywin, Warden of the West, and his children: Queen Cersei (wed to King Robert Baratheon), Ser Jaime, and Tyrion.















Tywin Lannister: Not given a lot of screen time or immediacy in the novel, but still not one to cross. We meet him disemboweling and skinning a large animal, berating his son Jaime, the Kingslayer, after a bit of nasty business with Ned Stark. Should you need another reason to be intimidated by this man, feel free to check out the particulars in the novel concerning the fall of the House Targaryen, specifically the children (!)





Queen Cersei: Quite a dish, but her coldness gives new meaning to the word "frigid," unless we're discussing her relationship with her brother Jaime, of course. Son Joffrey is being prepped to take the crown, but Ned Stark proves (again) to be a thorn in the Lannister Family's side when he announces to Cersei that he knows the truth about her children and plans to expose her to the king's wrath. Seemingly undeterred, she fires back, "And what of my wrath, Lord Stark? . . . When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."

Pretty bad ass.

Ser Jaime Lannister: Killed the previous King of the Realm, Mad King Aerys (and is henceforth known as "The Kingslayer.") Attempted the life of Bran Stark after he witnessed something not meant for his eyes. Battled with Ned; taken by Robb. Probably the most physically beautiful man in existence.

DAMN.

Tyrion Lannister: Commonly called "The Imp." Clever, vulgar. As close to a hero as you can get in a corrupt family. My favorite character in the series. There are many moments of genius during Tyrion's scenes, but my favorite came during his abduction (at the hand of Catelyn Stark) in The Eyrie, and his eventual triumph over Lady Lysa Arryn and her ridiculous son:

"Can I make the little man fly now?"
Across the garden, Tyrion Lannister got to his feet. "Not this little man," he said. "This little man is going down in the turnip hoist, thank you very much."
"You presume--" Lysa began.
"I presume that House Arryn remembers its own words," the Imp said. "As High as Honor."

Ugh, and this guy: Joffrey Baratheon, Cersei's son. A Baratheon by name only-- clearly he belongs in this lineup. What a royal prick. I'm struck by a very strong resemblance to Isaac from Children of the Corn by this guy. . . voice similar also. Which is to say I really look forward to someone (hopefully a Stark) doing away with him. Soon.