Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Sliver.

Forgive me, but we've had quite an unpleasant few days around here. And the logo is just in case anyone wanted warning (about explicit content), so there you go.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, 2005, directed by Doug Liman.
Written by Simon Kinberg.
starring: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt.

"A bored married couple is surprised to learn that they are both assassins hired by competing agencies to kill each other." (IMDB).

I liked this the first time I saw it and thought it was clever and funny. Yesterday, I was ready to give it a second go, made it to the part where John Smith (Pitt) does his fist-pump/kick as he gets out of his dune buggy (as Poison's Nothin' but a Good Time finishes)--which was the only part I truly enjoyed, until then, and then my 1.5 year old son decided that he was just going to omit his afternoon nap and all hell broke loose. I spent the remainder of the afternoon driving at a snail's pace around Harriet, Calhoun, and Isles trying to squeeze any number of minutes sleep out him. Which was a  FAIL.

I never finished the film and will probably now forever have negative feelings toward it because of the surrounding frustration. I like Doug Liman, by the way.

Sliver, 1993, directed by Phillip Noyce. Written by Ira Levin (novel), and Joe Eszterhas (screenplay).
starring: Sharon Stone, William Baldwin, Tom Berenger.

"Sliver Heights has everything a girl could want. Panoramic views of the city, a fully functional gym and a voyeuristic landlord with a minor oedipal complex and psychotic tendencies..." (IMDB).

I was still in a terrible mood when I opened this up hours later; after watching it I arrived at the decision that this was without a doubt the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. I saw this during my junior year of high school and thought it was *awesome.* Shows just how clueless I used to be. Nearly 100% of Sharon Stone's deliveries were worse than community theater: "The psychology of the lens!" "Caffeine withdrawl! That'd do it to me!" "Do I look like a . . . girl who would be . . . frightened of you?" It's pissing me off right now just thinking about it.

The only reason to watch this is for the intercourse, which like everything else in the film is weirdly creepy and awkward. Netflix sent the unrated edition (OOOH!) and the only thing added to the original is an extra scene in bed (shot from above) that was basically William Baldwin's ass, thrusting, while Sharon Stone does her best to look uncomfortable and as if she's trying to escape, and then during the infamous "pillar scene," (see left) they show it full length instead of from above the waist, which makes it all the more ridiculous because the only things that are moving are their torsos. STUPID. I'd still hit that, though.

Another one of my favorite moments of ridiculousness came at the end, as Zeke (Baldwin) tells Carly (Stone) to "open this cock-sucking door, now!"

Seriously.

Two very different uses for the human body......

So I watched SLIVER yesterday. The last time I had seen it was during the height of its popularity, around 1993 or so. It aired on HBO and was probably one of the most sexual movies I had ever seen, after Fatal Attraction and Risky Business. I also had the major hots for Billy Baldwin in this, like everyone else. I think this film was a little strange and exciting for me because it was during the times when people my age were starting to "date." I was a ripe 16 years old at that time and personally knew people who had had sex, though not in quite the manner of Wills and Sharon here. I seriously wondered about all that....business.

I can't really say anything negative about the film; I still appreciated it for the voyeuristic in-your-face doing it that gave me chills back in the day. They got quite a few big names, too. Martin, Landeau, Sharon Stone, Baldwin, Berenger, etc. Not bad. I read Ira Levin's novel at one point but I can't remember a thing about it. Come to think of it, there has been some good myspace discussion on trashy novels lately. I may just have to add this to the Half Price list.......



And secondly: Friday the Thirteenth part 7, The New Blood.
Wow. I have just realized that my favorite part of every single Friday the 13th has got to be the strategic positioning of dead bodies around the camp or cabin so that the last one standing will always stumble upon them. Why don't they ever show a real time breakdown of Jason so dilligently nailing them to walls, getting the ropes to hang them from the tree and then rigging a falling mechanism, etc. ? That would be hilarious! Jason, with his tool belt, measuring and hammering like a regular handy manny? Genius.

Yeah, and the exposed vertebrae, fully visible through his shreds of clothing? come on. I think that little touch was a bit unnecessary. All in all, very nostalgic, very cheesy, very groan-inducing. BUT FUN, nontheless.