Monday, April 14, 2008

Deep thoughts on Willy Wonka

First of all, I love the film (just to clarify and to avoid the stigma of being labled a "hater" )
Secondly, many things in the film kind of gross me out even though I really love it.

1. grandpa joe's bedclothing: severly stained with some sort of yellow/orange substance in the front. gag.
2. 4 old codges in bed together, one of whom has gross bio fluid stains on his gown. gag.
3. charlie eating the candy bar like a goddamned maniac: gross. I know he's probably close to starvation, what with all the cabbage water, but seriously. ick.
4. cabbage water. period. and knowing that's all they eat and that it more likely than not contributed to the staining of grandpa joe's gown, not to mention the foulness the smell of the cabbage water AND ITS AFTERMATH cause in that tiny house.
5. mother is very haggard and gross. singing CHEER UP CHARLIE, especially. chad fischer once told me that he was more scared by the mother at the end of the video RUNAWAY TRAIN who ran chasing after her abducted child than he was of the actual abducter........i am more scared of charlie bucket's mother than wonka OR the oompa loompas or anyone else except for mike teevee's mom, whose buttness surpasses mrs. bucket's......
6. the dipping of hands into creamy substances and subsequent LICKING OF SUBSTANCES OFF OF HANDS inside the chocolate room of the factory (veruca salt and mrs. teevee) makes me want to vom.....
7. mrs. teevee, anytime, anywhere. mostly when she says, RACHMONINOFF.....i just want to punch her right in the face. she just looks like she would have a gross mouthful of monkey teeth and bad smoker's breath to go with the rest of her gross 70s ensemble. YOU CALL THAT UNHARMED?!?!?!?!!?!? oh i just get the chills watching her, in the grossest possible way.
8. the burping during the fizzy lifting drink extravaganza. how disgusting.


Mink said...

that was by far the funniest review you have ever written and yeah what the heck with these four old men in bed together.