Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Bounty Hunter, Vanilla Sky.

This was a really unpleasant duo.

The Bounty Hunter, 2010, directed by Andy Tenant. Written by Sarah Thorpe.
starring: Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler, Gio Perez.

"A bounty hunter learns that his next target is his ex-wife, a reporter working on a murder cover-up. Soon after their reunion, the always-at-odds duo find themselves on a run-for-their-lives adventure." (IMDB.)

You know a film is pretty flat when the best thing about it is KE$HA'S music. And I'll say this delicately, as Jennifer Aniston is looking damned good for 40----she's not 23 anymore and Friends is over. Gone are the days of standing around and making repeated and frantic limb gestures while everyone else gets the zingers. Looking pretty isn't really enough. (B O R I N G).

Vanilla Sky, 2001, directed by Cameron Crowe. Written by Alejandro AmenĂ¡bar.
Starring: Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz.

"A successful publisher finds his life taking a turn for the surreal after a car accident with a jaded lover." (IMDB). 

Some people like this. I fricking hated it, more than I've ever hated a film before in my life. And before anyone starts jumping to conclusions, it's not because of Tom Cruise, although I don't really like him, and it's not because of the chances the film takes on the twists in the narrative--if anything THAT kept me watching the screen instead of putting a pillow in front of my face and covering my ears. I hated this film because it was THE. MOST. WRETCHEDLY. written and acted piece of garbage I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. I'm not talking about the story, I'm talking about the screenplay that became this film. The dialogues were literally the shittiest of the shitty, shitty lines read by shitty actors that the shitty director thought were permissible? In the film American Movie, Mark Borchardt is sitting (stoned), watching his radio show being performed and later says, "I was no longer paying attention to the actors and the performances. I realized I was no longer a director; there were stilted performances and I did nothing to rectify the situation."

(!!!) ET TU, CAM?

Of course, Oliver Stone also said once that some actors just don't take direction. He worked with Cameron Diaz himself (Any Given Sunday) and she seemed to be equally cringe-worthy in that. Gag.

And what was with the music, popular songs fading in and out at ridiculously inappropriate times? I don't care what kind of Rolling Stone guru you were, almost every piece of background music was a jarring disruption in an already speed-bumpy movie. 

I hated everyone in this and every line uttered. WORST. FILM. EVER. The end.


Justin Garrett Blum said...

I should have thought about this one when you asked for a list of shitty movies. This was easily one of the most frustrating films I've ever watched. I think I saw this in the theater for some reason, but in any case, I remember that I could barely make it through to the end. And I can watch almost anything.

Justin Garrett Blum said...

Vanilla Sky, I mean.

Donald said...

You saw it in the theater with me and Natalie Archambault back in VA. And the reason was because you were a good wingman and I was trying to bang her. She really, really wanted to see it.

Turned out to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Absolute piece of shit. We all pretty much hated it, but I think Natalie maybe didn't hate it as much.

Oh, and I never did bang her. So that's another reason to hate this movie. I mean, that's not the movie's fault, but I can't think about this movie without thinking about how I never got to bang Natalie Archambault. I hope she googles her name and finds this post.

Donald said...

Coincidentally, Cameron Crowe also directed Almost Famous, featuring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Lester Bangs.

Anna said...

if you blog someone's name they can find it will show up on google?