Dumb and Dumber; Tommy Gavin.

Yesterday I watched Dumb and Dumber on Netflix Instant Streaming and there were tons of extra scenes in it! Has anyone else seen this? More at the diner with Flo, a bit at the heart-pool hotel where Lloyd listens to the neighbors doing it through the wall, and then a random dialogue where Lloyd envisions marrying Mary (Mrs. Mary Christmas!). They were all actually duds, these scenes, but unexpected in the way that the Sixteen Candles scene is when the grandmother kicks Long Duck Dong in the business after the "lake, big lake" explanation. Also, the scene in the truck ("you can't triple-stamp a double stamp! You can't triple-stamp a double stamp Lloyd! You can't--You Can't--Lloyd, LLOYD!") This is what it's like having 4 kids all in the house at the same time in the winter of unending snow and I am the fool sitting in the middle, unable to escape. As Chazz Michael Michaels once put it: Whoever invented snow is an asshole.


I haven't got much else. LOST Stained Glass is nearly finished; one more season of Rescue Me until I'm caught up. Last year around this time we all got the world's biggest treat with Ab Aeterno (The Life and Times of Richard Alpert) . . . how I long for that kind of media-anticipation (!) In the meantime, take a look at this. And I hate American Idol.

LOST: Across the Sea

I just watched it again yesterday and I'm ready to go on record: This, after the finale, was my favorite episode of LOST. This one episode explains EVERYTHING.

The real mother was stoned by the island mother after she snubbed the darker twin and refused to name him. Later the island mother admitted that if she had let the woman live, she would have taken the boys to her people and they would have become bad. She has a negative view of people, this island mother. "Because they're people, and that's what people do. They come, they destroy, they corrupt, and it always ends the same." She also seems to know that the dark-haired twin leans toward the sinister, as she explains "Jacob isn't like you, he doesn't know how to lie," and "you're . . . special."

Since Jacob ends up being the one to eventually guard the island, and since he admits to Richard that he wants people to be able to help themselves (believing people are good at heart), he seems to have more faith in humanity than his mother and brother.

When she first shows the boys the light, it's bright enough to take up the entire cave and spill out onto the surrounding water and rocks in the stream. By the time Jack gets there, it's much, much smaller. If this means anything, it probably means that through time, the power and beauty (life, death, rebirth, etc.) that she described has been diminished by evil. She called the light the source, something that each man had a little of inside. The source of the souls of mankind? Have our souls diminished in brightness over the years? In The Howling Man, Serling put in a bit about how having the devil out and about, free to roam the world resulted in the unleashing of massive, widespread evil that brought disaster and world wars--things humanity couldn't have managed without the Devil's help. Might the light have lessened because the inhabitants of the island were corrupting and destroying? Might the fertility on the island have gone away for the same reason?

The island mother leveled the dark twin's people when he showed her his makeshift donkey wheel being built in what would become The Orchid Station. Maybe later, Jacob had to do the same kind of thing (the purge) when the Dharma folks were getting too close to the light (the donkey wheel in The Orchid, the business in building The Swan, etc.) and order Richard to gas them all in order to protect the light. They were getting too greedy, curiosity killed the cat? God made that flood rain down on everyone for a similar reason, right?

Island mother was a weaver. She pulled strings. The dark twin said to Jacob, "it's easy for you, looking down at us from above." Jacob was able to touch humans and alter them somehow. He was the knower of things, he wasn't physically present when Jack crashed into the bamboo fields, but he knew that it happened. He was able to know of things happening off-island (Sawyer's parents, Kate's decent into the world of crime beginning with the lunch box, etc.)

I know, go ahead and jump on me, but I think the island was literally the source of man, and the island's keepers were what we have come to know as God. The beginning of land and life didn't come to be in a blink, but it became. The keeper wasn't a super power but a human being. The island had been moved, probably many times, once the donkey wheel started spinning and the people figured it out. This could explain the polar bears, or the fact that the exit from the donkey wheel was in Tunisia (proximity to what we know as The Holy Land?). I think it's a beautiful fairy tale.

And Jack. The fixer. The savior. The one who rescued everyone! What if a group of writers and producers posited that the Messiah was a character you were emotionally invested in? What if there was something tangible that this character was saving you from, not just a general far-off concept? This idea did more for me than watching Jim Caviezel getting beaten to a pulp. . . what if it was someone you knew?

I think it took six years to get to this end for that reason; we needed that much time to get invested in Jack. True, he's had his moments, good and bad, but that last haggard walk, shoe bloodied and clutching the wound Locke gave him? Come on. Juxtaposed with the reunion with all the people from the island he saved, all the people he doctored, all the people he cared about where for once and for real, he actully looked happy? This show was a sentamentalist's (my) wet dream.

(Again), Bravo.

My aunts used to tease my mother when she was a little girl because she cried every time she watched Lassie. I might be crazy, and I might be reaching, but I know how she felt.

The Life and Times of Richard Alpert

HAPPY RICHARD ALPERT DAY, EVERYONE!

Tonight, at long last, we get something we've been waiting YEARS for! How exciting! I want to know everything about Richaardus, EVERYTHING!

A few items, just for the hell of it.

1. What is it about the island that makes people want to destroy it? Did the armed forces bring JUGHEAD to the island, and if so, for what purpose? How is it that it was never detonated (before Juliet)? How would anyone be able to find the island and then get a nuke onto it? Was that the work of The Smokey Man? (It's an island, it doesn't need protecting.) I think he was telling a big lie with that one.

Is the island the only place that can **contain** The Smokey Man? Is that why he wants to leave it and then have it destroyed? If this really is like The Howling Man, then he can only be contained by the staff of truth, maybe the island is a bigger, more special staff, that can contain the devil, and that's why he wants to go? He can't leave as long as his opposing figure (Jacob) is keeping him there, but now that Jacob is gone, he's free to bolt?

The Island is under water during the beginning of the flash sideways. If LOST=Howling Man, someone let the Devil out, and if the island (staff of truth) is underwater, the only thing that could contain him is gone, leaving him free to unleash his evil all over the world.

2. What is up with the Statue and what is up with the loss of fertility? How did that statue get reduced to just a foot? Does that symbolize The Smokey Man having more power over what happens on the island than Jacob? (Bad is more powerful than good, by the time Jack and Locke get there?) They COULD have successful reproduction before, what changed that? Wikipedia says that the Sobek Statue symbolized The River, Warfare, and Fertility. Sobek = God of Creation, often paired with Ra, God of Sun. Sobek was also said to be a repairer of evil. If the statue got hashed, chances are good that 1. the evil cannot get repaired and 2. the evil did it.

More later, I have a feast to prepare and some heavy black kohl to apply.

Three Things.

1. That last episode (The Substitute?) was pretty much **the** perfect episode. In it you get Richard Alpert, who was bloodied and beaten but still smokin' HOT, Lapidus, being all, well, Lapidus (I half-expected him to mutter something like, "this fucking place. . ." when Ben went off about being sorry for murdering John), Smokey Man TELLING US INFORMATION (even if it's all lies, I don't care), and the real John Locke together with his Peggy Bundy Helen. WHAT COULD BE BETTER? I had a great time.

2. Alana and Richard KNOW things. Alana knows to gather the ashes and save them for future use? Also that Smokey Man cannot change his face again. How does she know these things? What experience does she bring to all of this? She was all bitched up in a hospital when Jacob came to her (vulnerable) and he spoke Latin to her. . . and she knew Richard as "Riccardes." Richard knows that Smokey Man is trying to pull one over on Sawyer and that he originally wanted Richard on his side. Well, WHO DOESN'T? But Richard obviously knows more about this business. And what of the chains Smokey referred to last week? I want more. Much, much more.

3. Obviously whatever they did to the hatch in 1977 had a major impact on everyone's life from that point on, as the alternate (true?) reality is very different for many of them.
a. The Plane does NOT crash.
b. Charlie Pace is taken away in cuffs.
c. Jin and Sun are screwed in customs.
d. Hugo is the luckiest man alive.
e. Boone leaves Shannon to her own devices.
f. Kate meets Claire and lends her emotional support.
g. Jack meets John and offers him help.

h. Locke is still with Helen, which means they met, obviously, but the same way? In a support group for angry people? So does this mean that he still got conned out of his kidney by the old man but then later forgave him? Because Helen mentioned what seemed to be a relationship when she suggested eloping and getting Locke's dad. . . ? Where's that crazy red head that was his mother? Swoozie Kurtz? Mothers don't do well on this show. I'd like to see that change by the end, please.

Randy Nations is allowed to remain a dick, it seems. DON'T FUCK WITH JOHN LOCKE! Randy, I hope a meteor falls on you.
I am in absolute heaven with this goddamned show.

Nothing is Irreversible.

More? Of course.

1. I used to think the final battle of LOST would come down between the proverbial MAN OF FAITH and MAN OF SCIENCE. I don't think that anymore. I think this will come down to Jack and Sawyer. John is important, no doubt. But those two have been butting heads from the beginning, and now with Juliet gone the way she is, (and Sawyer blaming all of it on Jack DESPITE telling him to drop the nuke) the anger will grow and grow. Bitterness, over a lost love, especially, could provide a seeding hate that could create the Jacob/Smokey Man rivalry. I was so hoping she was going to tell him she was pregs. . . . but that would have been a little too TERRI BAUER for this show. Wouldn't have worked. See, earlier this year, I totally thought that Juliet would carry Sawyer's child and Kate Jack's, and these two boys would somehow get displaced back to the day of the full Sobek statue and continue the sins of the fathers, so to speak. I don't think it's out of the question, necessarily, but. . . it doesn't seem quite so fitting anymore.

Sawyer is shittin' PISSED. Well, I am too, actually, Juliet was my favorite girl after all. I had such high hopes for her.

I had a very difficult time watching Smokey Man kick the hell out of Richard. BE CAREFUL WITH HIM! He might not show age physically, but I'm sure he's EONS old, kids.

Also, Jack just can't have this terrible luck follow him around for much longer. It's like the misfortunes of John Locke, pre-island: No one should have to deal with that much misery in one lifetime. Jeez. It's all happening for a reason, definitely: The Nuke doesn't work (well, not all the way), Charlie is angry at Jack for saving his life, The coffin containing Christian is M.I.A., Juliet croaks, Sawyer blames Jack, Sayid (at first), etc. Hopefully this is teaching him things for whatever the last main event will be.

JOHN? He seemed like a regular jolly old soul on the plane back! I don't remember him being quite so personable in any of the flashbacks before; he hammed it up with Boone AND Jack, very confident, very impressive! As I recall, he was NOT quite so chipper during the first flashback before the boarding of Oceanic 815, wasn't there some issue about the wheelchair and him being carried on? And Hurley? The "Luckiest Man Alive?" Hmmmmm.

Oh MAN! Six days is WAY too long to wait for the next one! My son watched the last part of it with me this afternoon and was quite concerned about the "cuts" on Sawyer's face. I told him he should draw LOST tonight for an art project and he decided he would draw The Smoke Monster coming out of John Locke, thought I'd share it with you. Kate and Sawyer also made an appearance, along with a yellow Dharma bus.

In the meantime. . .

To all the men I've loved before. . .

A Difficult LOST quiz. . .

1. Mr Eko's Jesus stick falls out of a tree and almost hits John Locke in the face. When he picks it up, the first thing he reads on it is, "Lift up your face and go _______."

2. Juliet Burke's sister, Rachel gets pregnant, has a ______, and names the baby ________.

3. Goodwin receives a chemical burn on his arm and lies about how he got it. The dharma station where he works is the _________.

4. Jack's ex wife is named ________.

5. The three nicknames Sawyer uses for Cassidy, Kate, and Juliet, are, respectively, _____, _______, and ________.

6. The book that Juliet chooses for book club (that Ben wouldn't read on the toilet) is authored by _________.

7. Jack Shephard and Daniel Farraday both have something in common, concerning their education. What is it?

8. Charlotte's field of study is ___________.

9. Richard Alpert and Tom (Mr. Friendly) look on and do not intervene while John Locke beats the hell out of __________.

10. When Amy goes into labor, there is a complication that requires Juliet to get involved with the birth. The baby is _________.

Lost Season 3

I just may need to permanently tape my glasses here and start up a website like RICHARDALPERT DOT COM. . . .

SMOKEMONSTER DOT COM?

WIDMORE INDUSTRIES, MCCUTCHEON WHISKY? OCEANIC 815 DOT COM?

PUSH THE BUTTON IN THE SWAN STATION DOT COM.



Season 3 is really valuable. This is what I am leaning toward a little over halfway through my review of it:

1. Juliet. Is "mole-ing" for Ben initially, but is doing so only because she knows he has access to her sister and son in Miami. The recording she leaves in his locker about Sun's pregnancy and the "I hate you" that she left out on the end seems to support this. She's definitely my favorite chick on the island. A fertility specialist who loves Stephen King? Genius.

2. The Episode "The Brig" is probably one of the most important in the season. Locke joins up with Ben and The Others, sees his father being held in a room (Ben told Richard to bring him The Man from Tallahassee) and then gets is humiliated by Ben in front of the entire camp when he is unable to slit the guy's throat. Ben says to everyone, "I GUESS HE'S NOT WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS."

Hmmm. I smell a super elaborate set-up here. Ben KNOWS that John Locke is who they all think he is, and therefore must humiliate him to get the peoples' allegiance back until the next issues arises. How rude. This comes to pass in several other situations down the line, and always, someone important seems to intervene or help John stay on the right path (Walt, Richard, Christian Shephard, etc.).

I don't buy that Ben is trying to "test" John or to get him to find his own strength. Richard, on the other hand, comes to John with Sawyer's file and explains that the old guy (Locke's dad) has got to go. Knowing that Locke won't do it himself, Richard gives John the file that presumably explains that Cooper not only ruined Locke's life by stealing his kidney, treating him with cruelty, and pushing him out a window, but also Sawyer's, as he was the original "Sawyer" who caused James Ford/Sawyer's father to go ape shit, ruining another life.

I love Richard Alpert.

A revisit to season 1

1. Locke gave Sayid his compass after he and Boone found the hatch, apparently thinking he didn't need it any more. Sayid discovers that it doesn't actually point north, Jack confirms this. Did Richard Alpert have this thing in the future? Was there something more to the compass at all? I read a theory tonight about how in season 2, once Mr. Eko arrives, there is a lot of business about looking up and going north. . . and how the island has to keep corralling Locke back in line to keep him on the right track, which is apparently to The Others (in a northward direction).