Tuesday, April 29, 2008

hot, hot, HOT!

this is what i've been watching lately.

Monday, April 28, 2008

starbucks, fertility, and mrs. mia wallace

the complete idiot's guide to being a starbuck's customer:

1. if you are going to make RIDICULOUS complaints and/or blanket statements about your dumb needs (dark roast vs. light roast vs. THIS PLACE NEVER HAS COFFEE READY AND YOU'RE ALWAYS BREWING WHEN I COME IN TO ORDER) you are well on your way to a lifetime of decaf. so we're always brewing when you come in? WE BREW COFFEE ON THE HALF HOUR SO IDS LIKE YOU CAN HAVE NEW, HOT COFFEE instead of old rot that's been sitting in the urn for hours.

also, when i give you 2 venti BRAND NEW BREWED cups of coffee for free because you're sitting up there bitching your faces off because we didn't have any dark roast ready, the correct reaction would be to THANK me. next time i'm giving you the oldest most stale and hard lemon and pumpkin loaves and saving the soft new pieces for nice people. and i might drop if on the floor for good measure.

2. if you are so HELL-BENT on having your baked goods "for here" on porcelain dishes, and if you are going to have a holy shit fit and almost start BAWLING when i put them in to-go bags, next time you'll probably want to tell me "for here" as you see me walking over to get your shit. this bit of common sense will also apply to those of you who hang over the pick up counter, watch me make your drink step by step, SEE ME PUT THE WHIPPED CREAM ON (when at no time did anyone order the drink sans whip or write it on the cup) wait until i have put the lid on the cup and hand it to you before announcing "Oh. I DIDN"T WANT ANY WHIPPED CREAM ON IT."
my inner reaction to this is to roll my eyes, sigh VERY loudly, yank the lid off and scoop out the huge mound of whipped cream, flinging it onto the counter making a HUGE splat like allison's lunch meat in breakfast club. INSTEAD. i smile politely and OH SO DELICATELY remove the whipped cream and fill the deficit with more milk.

3. if you order a drink and then take off for longer than 10 minutes, assume we've dumped your drink or someone else has stolen it. also. if you are having some sort of business meeting at one of our tables and start discussing something serious and choose to be oblivious to the drink-maker calling "GRANDE VANILLA LATTE FOR HERE?" with your dumb porcelain cup 57 times LOUDLY, you deserve to drink gross, room-temperature crap.

blslkshjeihwehrwrh. sometimes the day shift really irks me, clearly.

i have my review tonight. i better be getting a PHAT/FAT raise.

onto the next:

my biology is very interesting. with beatrix pretty much being weaned now, i can tell i am working my way back into being an ovulating female (my "cycle" is returning). at first i wondered why all of a sudden i have 30004 bits of acne all over, then thought a bit more about this when pretty much EVERY SINGLE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE MALE began to look smokin' hot to me........then i realized that i'm back on the hormones that everyone else who isn't pregnant, nursing, or on the pill must have to negotiate through in everyday life. HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS? without being overly inappropriate i'll just say that i can definitely feel how biology is "pushing" me to hop right back into fornication to further the species. holy shit. no wonder the world is full of.......women who keep getting knocked up. i hadn't anticipated this. i guess I shouldn't be partaking any wine, beer, clooney or christian bale films around here for...um, well, a good 20 years, if i know what's good for me. wow.


mia is doing this thing now where she thinks it's fun and acceptable to remove her pull up once she's shat in it to show everyone. she usually has half of it smeared on her ass too. jesus christ. sometimes i have this fleeting thought that even with all the sleep issues, bubby was the more sensible and easier child.

i don't know why i bother blogging any of this, other than being for my own amusement (the stuff about mia). NO ONE who knows this child, other than us, believes any of it. everyone seriously thinks she is the most charming, well-behaved, adorable kid who never steps out of line. if i even start to mention any of her behavior being less than favorable, my mother IMMEDIATELY jumps in and starts defending and/or justifying anything mia has done. Chris i think just doesn't believe mia does anything naughty......!

MIA WALLACE. my daughter. who COULD charm vincent vega the hit man, no problem.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

i loved the 90s

yes, i know the hair and high school fashion were horrid but people in high school didn't "hook up" at age 11, commonly, after vanilla bean frappucinos and a movie at the mall. (UNLESS THEY WERE OF A CERTAIN LAKE LILLIAN LINEAGE). girls' purses were from JC PENNEY. i think esprit de corp was probably considered "big spending."
we not only wore underwear, but kept it hidden UNDER CLOTHING.

what a great time in history! IN LIFE!
bill clinton was prez. people had money. other countries in the world hated us about 84% less than they do now.


we got these:
i am totally serious.

beatrix is bouncing her BUTT off in the bouncy chair to FUNKY COLD MEDINA.
i fricking LOVE IT.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Twilight Zone Diaries, episode 21

Mirror Image

originally aired: February 26, 1960
written by: Rod Serling
starring: Vera Miles, Martin Milner

"Millicent Barnes, age 25. A young woman waiting for a bus on a rainy November night. Not a very imaginative type is Miss Barnes, not given to undeu anxiety, or fears, or for that matter even the most temporal flights of fancy. Like most young career women she has a generic classification as a 'girl with a head on her shoulders.' All of which is mentioned now because in just a moment the head on Miss Barnes' shoulders will be put to a test. Circumstances will assault her sense of reality and a chain of nightmares will put her sanity on a block. Millicent Barnes, who in one moment, will wonder if she's going mad."

classification: drama

story: A young woman believes she has gone mad when seh sees her doppelganger in a bus station. Later, a man who tried to help her sees his own double.

my summary: YES!!! Very, very creepy. I love it. This is definitely one of my favorites. Music and filmwork made this quite a scary display. So what, do all the creepy twins just happen to hang out at this bus station? Evil grins when the CTs are discovered are horrifying (and priceless). A definite trend is developing here in all the episodes: SCARY= GOOD. Can't go wrong freaking the audience out, can you, Rod? WELL DONE.

"Obscure metaphysical explanation to cover a phonomenon. Reasons dredged out of the shadows to explain away that which cannot be explained. Call it parallel plaines or just insanity. Whatever it is, you'll find it in The Twilight Zone."

The Twilight Zone Diaries, episode 20


originally aired: February 19, 1960
written by: Charles Beaumont
starring: Cecil Kelloway, Jeff Morrow

"The time is the day after tomorrow. The place: a far corner of the universe. The cast of characters: three men lost amongst the stars, three men sharing the common urgency of all men lost--they're looking for home. And in a moment they'll find home, not a home that is a place to be seen but a strange, unexplainable experience to be felt."

classification: science fiction

story: Three astronauts become stranded on a planet of motionless figures; it turns out to be a cemetary. The android caretaker poisons them and, fulfilling their wish to go home, places their preserved bodies at the controls of their ship.

my summary: Pretty damned creepy, like that short story about the grandma who would poison all her visitors with cyanide (tastes like bitter almonds in the tea?) WHO WROTE THAT? ANYONE KNOW? I want to read it again. The wax figures are very disturbing. Ick. Charles Beaumont's episodes are always the best. He is one of my most beloved writer-idols.

"Kirby, Webber, and Meyers, three men lost. They shared a common wishe, a simple one, really. They wanted to be aboard their ship, headed for home. And fate, a laughing fate, a practical jokester with a smile that streched across the stars, saw to it that they got their wish, with just one reservation: the wish came true, but only in The Twilight Zone."

The Twilight Zone Diaries, episode 19

The Purple Testament

originally aired: February 12, 1960
written by: Rod Serling
starring: William Reynolds, Dick York

"Infantry platoon, US Army, Phillipine Islands, 1945. These are the faces of the young men who fight. As if some omnicient painter had mixed a tube of oils that were at one time erath brown, dust gray, blood red, and fear--yellow white. And these men were the models. This is the province of combat. These are the faces of war."

classification: war

story: Lieutenant Fitzgerald has the ability to see a strange light in the faces of the men who are about to die in the war. He eventually sees the light in his own face.

my summary: A pretty intriguing idea, really. I wonder if many soldiers go into battle with a feeling one way or another? How awful. I'd rather not know, if it's all the same. Definitely one of Serling's most poetic opening monologues. HEY! Dick York is in this?

"From William Shakespeare, Richard the Third, a small exerpt. The line reads: He has come to open the purple testament of bleeding war. And for Lieutenant William Fitzgerald, A Company, First Platoon, the testament is closed. Lieutenant Fitzgerald has found The Twilight Zone."

LOST Diaries: episode 14


"Violence ensues and a mysterious island beast makes a re-appearance when Michael and Locke clash over Walt's upbringing. Meanwhile, Charlie is tempted to read the missing Claire's diary, and Sayid enlists Shannon to help decipher the French woman's map."

read here
Poor kid. I wondered what the story here would be. Again, NICE POLAR BEAR. Seriously, WTF? I am still going with my theory of an isolation booth, ala THE TWILIGHT ZONE, WHERE IS EVERYBODY. How else could their lives intersect like this? And have random threatening objects like polar bears? I hope this gets explained eventually. Not quite yet, but down the line sometime.

LOST Diaries: episode 13

Hearts and Minds

"When Locke learns that Boone wants to share their "secret" with Shannon, Locke decides to teach him a lesson. This leads to Shannon's life being placed in what seems like peril. Boone and Shannon's dark past is revealed in a shocking backstory that recalls their relationship right before the plane crash and presages the return of the beast. Kate, who has become a confidante to the soft-spoken Sun, is puzzled by Sun's mysterious behavior and the revelation that she can speak English. A hungry Hurley must convince Jin to share his fish by making up for offending Jin by rejecting his offer of raw fish early on, or he'll continue to suffer digestive problems from the limited island diet."

read here

Hurley and the leaves were about the best things for me on this one. Boone and Shannon need to get out of each others' lives. How interesting that Locke is able to play God and suggest such things to get everyone to change their behavior! Wasn't there some major philospher named JOHN LOCKE?

LOST Diaries: episode 12

Whatever the Case May Be

"Jack, Kate and Sawyer fight over possession of a newly discovered locked metal briefcase which might contain insights into Kate's mysterious past. Meanwhile, Sayid asks a reluctant Shannon to translate notes he took from the French woman. A rising tide threatens to engulf the fuselage and the entire beach encampment, and Rose and a grieving Charlie tentatively bond over Claire's baffling kidnapping."

read here

Hmmm. What ever happened with that ridiculous airplane that Kate was so upset over at the end of this?
That's all I have.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Deep thoughts on Willy Wonka

First of all, I love the film (just to clarify and to avoid the stigma of being labled a "hater" )
Secondly, many things in the film kind of gross me out even though I really love it.

1. grandpa joe's bedclothing: severly stained with some sort of yellow/orange substance in the front. gag.
2. 4 old codges in bed together, one of whom has gross bio fluid stains on his gown. gag.
3. charlie eating the candy bar like a goddamned maniac: gross. I know he's probably close to starvation, what with all the cabbage water, but seriously. ick.
4. cabbage water. period. and knowing that's all they eat and that it more likely than not contributed to the staining of grandpa joe's gown, not to mention the foulness the smell of the cabbage water AND ITS AFTERMATH cause in that tiny house.
5. mother is very haggard and gross. singing CHEER UP CHARLIE, especially. chad fischer once told me that he was more scared by the mother at the end of the video RUNAWAY TRAIN who ran chasing after her abducted child than he was of the actual abducter........i am more scared of charlie bucket's mother than wonka OR the oompa loompas or anyone else except for mike teevee's mom, whose buttness surpasses mrs. bucket's......
6. the dipping of hands into creamy substances and subsequent LICKING OF SUBSTANCES OFF OF HANDS inside the chocolate room of the factory (veruca salt and mrs. teevee) makes me want to vom.....
7. mrs. teevee, anytime, anywhere. mostly when she says, RACHMONINOFF.....i just want to punch her right in the face. she just looks like she would have a gross mouthful of monkey teeth and bad smoker's breath to go with the rest of her gross 70s ensemble. YOU CALL THAT UNHARMED?!?!?!?!!?!? oh i just get the chills watching her, in the grossest possible way.
8. the burping during the fizzy lifting drink extravaganza. how disgusting.

Friday, April 11, 2008

LOST Diaries: episode 11

All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

"Survivors wonder why Charlie and Claire have been abducted - and by whom - and a search party ventures into the treacherous jungle to look for the pair. Suspicions focus on Ethan Rom (guest-star William Mapother), who, it was recently discovered, was not a passenger on the doomed flight. Jack battles inner demons relating to his father, while Boone and Locke discover another island mystery."

read here

The last straw for Jack with his old man: chopping up a pregnant chick's artery. Not good. So this would be the event that inevitably led to the resignation of Jack's old man? What a shame. Isn't it funny how there are different camps within the camps on the island, Jack leading the scientific one?

LOST Diaries: episode 10

Raised by Another

"Claire has a horribly realistic nightmare about her new baby being harmed or kidnapped. Flashbacks reveal Claire's backstory: the former boyfriend who got her pregnant, then abandoned her, and the psychic who convinced her to take the ill-fated flight that landed her on the island. Meanwhile, Hurley is shocked and confused when he discovers that one of the plane crash survivors, does not appear on the flight manifest."

read here

How interesting. Poor Claire. Getting creepy. The storytelling is good, working the Ethan angle the way they did. Very enjoyable. Of COURSE he'd be screwing around in the jungle with Locke, what with all the knives? Who else could it have been? Gross.

LOST Diaries: episode 9


"Sayid's life is placed in grave danger after he stumbles upon the source of the mysterious French transmission, the woman Danielle Rousseau (guest-star Mira Furlan). She was on the distress call and is found alive. Meanwhile, Hurley has a ridiculous plan to make life on the island a little more civilized. The plan involves golf clubs he finds in the debris, and it looks like it just might work. Lastly, we flash back to Sayid's childhood friend Nadia as well as his participation in hostage situations in Iraq."

read here

Hmmm. Revealing, yes. The best thing in all of these major incedents seems to me to be the making of the golf course. A DOCTOR PLAYING GOLF? WHAT'S NEXT? A COP EATIN' A DOUGHNUT? hahahahahaha. Sawyer is fast becoming my favorite person on the island. Nice touch with the hypochondriac searching for Jack about his rash only to find him playing golf. I seriously love this show more with every episode.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Twilight Zone Diaries, episode 18

The Last Flight

originally aired: February 5, 1960
written by: Richard Matheson
starring: Kenneth Haigh, Simon Scott

"Witness Flight Lieutenant William Terrance Decker, flying core, returning from a patrol somewhere over France. The year is 1917. The problem is that the Lieutenant is hopelessly lost. Lieutenant Decker will soon discover that a man can be lost, not only in terms of maps and miles but also in time. And time in this case can be measured in eternities."

classification: war

story: A World War I pilot flies into a cloud and lands in 1959. Not knowing why he's there, he realizes he must go back to find the friend he'd abandoned so he can become the hero he was destined to be.

my summary: One of the better war episodes. Granted, all of these are typically lame. Reference to "lead bottom" amusing.

"Dialogue from a play, Hamlet to Horatio: There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Dialogue from a play written long before man took to the sky. There are more things in heaven and earth and in the sky, that perhaps can be dreamt of. And somewhere between heaven, the sky, and earth lies The Twilight Zone."

The Twilight Zone Diaries, episode 17

The Fever

originally aired: January 29, 1960
written by: Rod Serling
starring: Everett Sloane, Vivi Janiss

"Mr. and Mrs. Franklin Gibbs, from Elgin Kansas. Three days and two nights, all expenses paid at a Las Vegas hotel, won by virtue of Mrs. Gibbs' knack with a phrase. But unbeknownst to either Mr. or Mrs. Gibbs is the fact that there's a prize in their package neither expected nor bargained for. In just a moment, one of them will succumb to an illness worse than any virus can produce, a most inoperative, deadly, life-shattering affliction known as 'the fever.'"

classification: drama

story: A man enteres a deadly duel of will with a slot machine which seems inbued with an evil life of its own. The machine wins.

my summary: Oh boy. Undeniably WEAK. What an old crab. Gambling, IMMORAL! This from a man? But making bitchy demands of your wife and giving orders is certainly all right. This probably could have been better in the 80s Twilight Zone series, better special effects and all. Blah.

"Mr. Franklin Gibs, visitor to Las Vegas, who lost his money, his reason, and finally his life to an inanimate metal machine variously described as a one-armed bandit, a slot machine, or, in Mr. Franklin Gibbs' words, a monster with a will all its own. For our purposes we'll stick with the latter definition--because we're in The Twilight Zone."

The Twilight Zone Diaries, episode 16

The Hitchhiker

originally aired: January 22, 1960
written by: Rod Serling
starring: Inger Stevens, Leonard Strong

"Her name is Nan Adams, she's twenty-seven years old. Her occupation: buyer at a department store in New York. At present on vacation driving cross country to Los Angeles from Manhatten. Minor incedent on highway eleven. Perhaps to be filed under "Accidents you' walk away from." But from this moment on, Nan Adams' companion on a trip to California will be terror. Her route fear, her destination quite unknown."

classification: thriller

story: A mysterious hitch-hiker, whom only a lone driver can see, turns out to be death.

my summary: Wow. This is seriously creepy as hell. I liked the way it was shot: close up shots of the hitch-hiker were extra creepy. Nan's confessionals got to be long, annoying, and cheesey. The scariest part is CLEARLY dude sneaking up behind her with frightening grin the whole time. HELP! Very memorable; one of my favorite ones ever.

"Nan Adams, age twenty-seven. She was driving to Los Angeles, California. She didn't make it. There was a detour, through The Twilight Zone."

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Yes, Yes, NO.

1. I have been playing Simon's Quest a lot lately after downloading it for the wii. I remember playing this with my brother in our attic on a 8" black and white television that needed a pliers to be turned on and off. We were very young at the time and tried very hard to figure out many of the puzzles but didn't really get very far. It probably took us like a year to figure out how to break blocks with holy water. Then, DECADES LATER, and through the magic of the world wide web, I was able to learn many of the cheats needed to get futher than, oh, the third town with the chain whip. It's fun! I can't imagine how much MORE fun it would have been figuring everything out on my own, but we lost the guide booklet probably about a month into owning the game so all the info in it was lost. I haven't beaten Dracula yet but am at the very last castle. The grim reaper and vampira have been my favorite items so far. And I love that after you beat the Grim Reaper, get the golden knife and leave the room, you turn around to leave the castle and he's right back at it again.

2. No Country for Old Men: A lovely film. Fargo in the desert, I thought. I will have to watch it again, all in one single sitting, I think. Watching it in three installments kind of tarnished the effect. They are always brilliant. I am always jealous of their abilities.

3. Blades of Glory: uh......yeah. I liked two things very much about this movie. The name, CHAZ MICHAEL MICHAELS, and "get outta my face." "I'm gonna get INSIDE your face." That's all I have. I can add it to the list of films I never finished (along with Pearl Harbor and The Last Samurai).

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Downer, Major Downer, Bouill-YA!!!

The Brave One

Wow. Very nice. But indeed a downer. I don't very often know what's going on in the news anymore because I never watch it on TV and I never get a chance to read a newspaper. Sometimes I prefer this to actually knowing what's going on as every time I seem to tune in or pick up a paper, I inevitably stumble upon some child abuse story or gory murder. I realize this makes me a very much "lesser informed" television lady at blogspot dot com, but for the most part, I am happier without current events. This film really made me realize that there are random, senseless crimes and acts of violence being committed all the time, every day. A college educated white woman WOULD have the reaction Erica Bane had and would "get" to go out and play vigilante because it was so jarring and upsetting. A generalization of course, but I think an accurate one. She said on her radio monologue that she never understood the people who lived in fear, how they could go day in and day out, afraid, but that she changed her mind after the assault. Kind of presumptuous? Think of what it is like for people who do not live in New York City lofts. Who for violence, serious violence, is a natural part of daily life. It's disturbing that these things happen, yes. We shouldn't allow ourselves to soften to them. But nothing ever happens until it happens to me? Look around. There is suffering.
The other thing that struck me in this was the way she kept having sexual flashbacks of her dead fiance. To be in the most euphoric and invigorating point in a relationship and have your mate suddenly beaten to death and taken from you.......I can't think of anything worse. The loss realized upon waking from her coma.....very Beatrix Kiddo. How awful.

Gone, Baby, Gone.

Also a downer, a major one. This whole thing has been playing over and over in my head since I finished watching today. Patrick returns the girl to her mother and will forever be implicated in the (probably negative) way she will turn out as the result of her mother's neglect.THE WORLD IS BETTER OFF FOR HIM SHOOTING THE CHILD MOLESTER. Good God. How horrifying. ON GIVING THE GIRL BACK TO THE DEADBEAT SKANK? Because he is a childless man there was no way he could make the decision.......the lines from Morgan Freeman re: his dead daughter were sob-worthy. Very intense. Ed Harris is WONDERFUL, as is Casey Affleck. Very, very enjoyable but seriously disturbing. I ****never**** thought I'd ever utter these words, but WELL DONE, BEN.


YES!!! FINALLY, A HAPPY ENDING?!?!!?! WITH SOME SORT OF POSITIVE RESOLUTION?!?!?! Very nice. Funny how Clive Owen (SMITH?), Mr. Shoot Em Up himself knows the most about infant care out of anyone? Delivers the baby, KNOWS that it wants to be nursed (Junior's thirsty, let's give him something to keep him quiet), and seeking out a lactating someone to take care of him? Nice work. Paul Giamatti was excellent. Hadn't seen him as such a gross villain since PRIVATE PARTS (W-ENNNNNN-B-C!)
Thoroughly enjoyable.