Sunday, December 21, 2008

LOST Diaries: Episode 4





Walkabout.

See, this is what I love about good media. This blog has been very stagnant lately, hardly any posts since the end of November. I've of course been watching things (Rudolph, Dante's Peak, other random non-noteworthy items) but it took LOST to get me really excited again. Wait, no. IT TOOK JOHN LOCKE to get me really excited again (and not in a creepy sexual way, in an appreciative media way).

After watching all of the episodes of all of the seasons, knowing his struggles, knowing what he's had to overcome and deal with, I see John Locke as such a wonderfully enigmatic character, I seriously think he's my favorite now.

So watching Walkabout I totally forgot the emotionally scored series of scenes at the end of the episode that reveal John's condition and later his triumph over it after crashing onto the island. Cried my fricking makeup right the hell off and had to reapply it all before going to work. (sniff).

Love John Locke.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

LOST Diaries: Pilot 1 and 2


Yeah, I'm watching them all over again.
1. John Locke on the beach with the orange in his mouth, smiling at Kate= Marlon Brando/Island of Dr. Moreau even though Brando smiles with the orange in The Godfather.

2. I think JJ Abrams must have totally been obsessed with The Twilight Zone too. Watching these episodes is like watching really good, episodic remakes of The Twilight Zone, complete with Bernard Hermann-esque scores. Beautiful.

3. When I saw these for the first time, I really thought there was going to be some gross dinosaur roaming around the island that systematically plucked each person away and fed them to its babies. . . the polar bear thing was really random and awesome. I have to love the foresight of Abrams knowing early on about the island's "abilities" and throwing the random polar bears in there. Now if only he would publish a literary collection of what is going on, LOST: The novels. I would fricking DIE of happiness.

4. Claire falling on her stomach while having contractions? Jack IMMEDIATELY getting Kate to sew his wound? Guy being sucked into the airplane engine? Jack's LAME story about letting himself have fear only for 5 seconds? Meh. A little too much too soon. Keep the guy getting sucked into the engine but the rest of this business needed to be spaced out or eliminated. No Jack's story/wait on Kate sewing him up, or have them bond some other way, like pluck a piece of schrapnel out of him, have Claire's stuff happen all together just when they think everything is going to be okay and then, BAM! The pregnant chick is going into premature labor! OH SHIT! Then they can go after the transponder, the sense of urgency would be a lot stronger.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Some observations, in blunt.

1. The Business of Being Born: Wonderful. Rikki Lake: Good for you. Glad things went better the second time around. I think getting the word out is the right move, but if you ask me, there has to be a middle ground with all this, and if you really want to change the system, you have to work the middle ground. This is why I never get heavy into politics. Of COURSe we want changes, of course the system is dishonest and crooked (INSURANCE), but you will never beat the system unless you have a way to operate either together with it or from the inside of it. This rings true with what is happening with women/maternity care in America. There is no way every single woman out there is going to drop what they're doing and hire a midwife, although this would be great. Baby steps.

Okay, that wasn't very blunt, but long and rambling. Sorry.

2. The Matrix Reloaded.

I will to my dying day defend this as a quality film. I think I may have cried watching the trailer in May of 03 in Haidee Wasson's senior film class? Yes, this is definite, I did cry.



Anywho, all I really had on this was: JUST LOOK AT WHAT A LITTLE CONFIDENCE CAN DO (neo). We should all learn from this.
And relating it all back to Rikki Lake and the maternity issues: Someone out there needs to make women feel like Neo going into childbirth. Hey, it might not go the way you plan, and it might hurt here and there, but in the end, YOU'RE STILL NEO.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

24: Redemption



The 2 hour special: meh. Fine, I guess. I dug it.

MORE IMPORTANTLY: The preview for the upcoming season in January CONFIRMED what I was saying all along FOR YEARS!!!!
Tony Almeida, one of Jack's closest and most competent friends, therefore in his resurrection ONE OF HIS MOST FORMIDABLE ENEMIES?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO!

And yes, it may have seemed a bit far fetched to some (like Nina Meyers and Ryan Chapelle waltzing into CTU arm in arm, I believe one person in my 24 myspace group phrased it) but I am probably older than most average blogging 24 fans. I've lived through DALLAS, people. Remember when they killed Bobby off and the next season totally tanked? Well I DO. I mean Christ, look at how many times they brought back Nina! And JACK? Please. This was going to happen, the only question was when.

WELCOME BACK, TONY. I may or may not love you more now that you're a bad guy.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Is it me. . . .


Is everything that's on tonight focused on disgusting, butt ugly DOGS?!?!?!

IT'S ME OR THE DOG: I watched this for about 24 seconds and damned near blew a gasket. 1. 5 disgusting, butt ugly, tiny little RAT DOGS IN ONE HOUSE?!?!?! Fucking gross. 2. So the dog is confrontational? How about a nice kick in the face, jackass? Oh the little yelp out of something that horrible would be IMMENSELY GRATIFYING.

AS GOOD AS IT GETS: That **also** disgusting little rat dog pissing all over the place and then digging in diaper shit. Kick it down the garbage chute EVERY DAY.

I realize many people have these thoughts about children, but like Joey said, WE WERE ALL CHILDREN ONCE. . .

ugh.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

On second thought. . . .



The rest of the disk of Tales from the Crypt's second season was a bit unsatisfying. The first one, "Dead Right" (starring Demi Moore) was actually quite good. The rest of them (miss the rest of me?) were dull and at times, disturbing. "The Switch" stars Rick Rossovich (Slider from Top Gun), William Hickey (fricking UNCLE LOUIS from Christmas Vacation), and Kelly Preston. The 90s hair and fashion was okay, Kelly looked 90s hot, but really I was not able to get past the codge-y old voice of the guy, even worse when it was a voiceover for Slider. I really just kept expecting him to tell "Gris" to get his stogey. Gross.


"Cutting Cards," could have been summed up in about 3 minutes. Nice early work by John Locke's con-artist father though, that was fun.

"TIll Death," was super bad. There was a better attempt at this in a different episode, I don't know what season, starring the disgusting Andrew McCarthy and Mariel Hemingway.

"Three's a Crowd" there is absolutely no excuse for. Super disturbing and unnecessarily violent. That guy was a fricking loose cannon the entire time, some gross wife-beating control freak (Cory Rodelius much?) and physically disgusting enough to make me barf. The ending is just awful. Seriously. I wish I hadn't seen it.


Then we watched AMERICAN PSYCHO the other night. Always a good one, but this time there was a very unpleasant realization: Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman looks strikingly like JOHN NEAL. I could barely control my nausea. This was such a rude awakening. Gag. The film is now ruined.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

So onto the next series, then. . . .



Tales From The Crypt
Dead Right
starring Demi Moore, Jeffrey Tambor.
April 21 1990.

A gold digger receives a fatal end after becoming rich!

Demi Moore is a throaty, crabby bag who wants money and then hooks up with a 300 pound patron at a strip club (after a fortune teller predicted she would). She was told he would inherit a large sum of money and then die violently but actually she wins the money and he kills her as he tries to leave him. The absolute best part of this whole thing was the little 40s style dance vignette they had going with Cathy and Charlie Marno, cross cutting with the daily events of their early marriage. SERIOUSLY! Those two out there flailing around on the dance floor like dancing with the stars? I love it. They made Charlie Marno so physically gross and unattractive that I SHARED in her nausea when he kissed her, started getting busy on the wedding night, etc. Barf-town-Betty.
One really has to appreciate the bluntness after she wins the money:

Charlie: CATHY IS THAT YOU?
Cathy: YES, IT IS, YOU FAT, DISGUSTING, SLOB!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Ironman






Brilliant. Though, RDJ is always so, even in items such as Soapdish or Less Than Zero.
I knew nothing of this film, hadn't even heard of it (other than Terrance being kicked off the sequal) and I realize that makes me a pretty sad and uninformed television lady, but this was one where I acutally had to put down my book or Ms Pac Man cross stitch, whichever I was busying myself with, to WATCH.

Truth is. . . . I AM IRONMAN!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Johnny Cakes on The Sopranos



One of the best scenes of the series The Sopranos is this one, between Tony and AJ after AJ gets caught trying to knife Junior in the rest home. Standing outside next to the Escalade, they yell at each other. I tried and tried to find an image of it and couldn't. AJ is crying, Tony is yelling at him to stop and screaming at him for being a moron (thinking he could kill someone) and then stops and tells him THIS ISN'T IN YOUR NATURE. . . . YOU'RE NOT LIKE ME. . . and touches his cheek, AJ leans into his hand and lets him. . . . .


I am a sappy pile of bawl-ey tears.

A Nightmare on Elm Street




Oh boy. Lovely film. I love all the randomness of this first one: the damned SHEEP running around in Tina's opening nightmare? Freddy's 10 foot long arms?!?!? Seriously! That is definitely something they could have continued with! Like, the first time dude showed up in my dream his arms were 20 feet long, but after that they were just normal. . . Something I never realized before was how Freddy seemed to be lurking around the kids and then had to back off once they either stirred in their sleep (started waking up) or all of a sudden showed signs of strength against him.

Tina in the body bag following Nancy around was a nice touch. The whole classroom sequence is one of my favorites, ever, in a horror film. Nancy starts dozing off, Tina miraculously appears in the hallway in her bloody body bag, and the kid who is reading out of Julius Cesaer starts mumbling all creepy about blah, blah, blah. . . BECAUSE I HAVE BAAAAD DREAMS. . . . yuck. That always scared the shit out of me as a kid. Then the glorious CREEPY HALL MONITOR scene (hey NANCY! No running in the hallways!) What could be better?

The mom really depends on her booze bottle a lot. I wonder how much of the underlying theme of this film relies on Krueger coming after THAT MOTHER for burning him, getting to her by killing her kid and friends. Not the cop dad, who seems to at least partially be in on the situation, but THE MOTHER. Just like Sopranos. It's always the mother's fault. How fitting that the end scene is the chick getting yanked back into the house THROUGH THAT TINY WINDOW?!?!?!

Holy crap. Wes Craven is hilarious.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Theory on Twin Peaks, season 1

Jonathan Rosenbaum says about Lynch:

". . . .he is perceived and celebrated in some quarters not as an integral part of this country's ideological mainstream but as a serious artist subverting the American soil from within. . . "

"It could be argued, morever, that Lynch's increasing visibility and popularity is largely a function of the fresh contexts in which his work has appeared. Compared to ERASERHEAD, BLUE VELVET is like a TV soap opera, and compared to BLUE VELVET, TWIN PEAKS seems formally unadventurous and fairly tame in terms of subject matter; but compared with other TV serials, TWIN PEAKS looked like a bolt from the blue. . . ."

**maybe. But cinema and television are completely different as mass media. You cannot make ERASERHEAD television, not back at that time, anyway. No one would have watched it or gotten it except for Lynch fans.
(I think all this was taken from the collection FULL OF SECRETS edited by David Lavery, who also edited a collection together on The Sopranos called THIS THING OF OURS. This guy is seriously my intellectual media-idol)


"In my opinion, the first problem---the important problem in our world--is the problem of dissemination, and it's the conception of this dissemination that may lead to catastrophe. The way it's used now, the influence of the masses leads to nothing but the scattering of material. For example, think of a liter of wine: it's certainly sufficient when shared by three or four people. But if we want this same liter of wine to be shared by one thousand people, we have to put water in it, and then it's useless. We have to wonder whether something like this doesn't happen in the process of dissemination."
---Jean Renoir.

Renoir made political films. Poetic realism, French cinema after the first world war. Was of course an artist but always dealt with societal issues, rich/poor, government, etc. This is not what Lynch does, but Lynch is still an artist making comments on society. Whereas Renoir had weightier issues on his agenda, American directors (generally, and even more today) tackle issues using a bubble gum approach by showing us ridiculous situations we think are important but are really just trivial. No one is say, starving to death usually, even in a very serious film. No one is sitting in a back alley somewhere without water to drink or without clothing to keep them warm. American audiences are not usually accustomed to seeing children or babies die. These things happen the world over, but in cinema, as in life, we close our eyes to them.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Pitfall Screen Grab on cross stitch


This took more than a month. . . .I'm so happy it's done. Next is Ms Pac Man!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Notes/Discussion on Twin Peaks, Season 1


the event as a spectacle; uniting the community (WATCHING TWIN PEAKS was this way, back in the day, like Dallas, The Sopranos, Lost, etc.)

Laura=event, even before her death. This unfolds during the pilot episode, showing how everyone was connected to Laura.
theoretically speaking, the event of Laura's death mirrors TELEVISION as a medium, its ability to connect everyone as well.

genre: detective story vs. soap opera vs. lynch cinema (art). which elements are more? make a list or chart.
is Twin Peaks cinematic (like the Sopranos)?
writing. how the genre in the first season compares to what happens in second?

narratives in detective stories vs. narratives in soap operas. usually detectives are not so clean. Coop is special, flawed, but we don't find this out until the second season. Coop is almost unhuman: robotic hand gestures, philosophical/divorced from emotion (at first) from Laura's death/omnipotent in knowledge and instinct. . .

What of the NEATNESS of the first season? Ends on a bit of a half-cadence, true, but wrapped up nicely too!
(decline). This happens in mafia narratives. You never see anything through to the end that isn't heading into the guttter.

America: small town vs. city: Albert Rosenfeld factors in here largely, Maddie too?
secrets: who has them, how many people know about them

GIRLS in America. Is this really going on? (sex, drugs, abuse?) with homecoming queens?
innocence vs. evil in both Leland and Laura.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Twin Peaks episode 7


airdate: May 23, 1990
director: Mark Frost
writer: Mark Frost

Summary: Jacoby is beaten by a mysterious assailant; Deputy Andy Brennan shoots Jacques who survives; Leo torches the sawmill with Shelley and Catherine inside; Nadine Hurley tries to kill herself; Lucy tells Andy she's pregnant; Hank shoots Leo; Ben goes to try out the new girl (Audrey); Cooper is shot by a mysterious gunman.

****four star rating: Let's Rock!

Notes: How fitting that among all his other various talents, Coop can also COUNT CARDS! The close up on Coop's eyes ROCKS when Jacques unfeelingly describes Leo "doing a number" on Laura as if it were funny. ROCK ON! Jacques drives an El Camino? Of course he does. Harry walking up to Jacques with such a pissed off look is PRICELESS!!! Truman is the hottest thing in this show. Some of the shots here maek me want to cry with amazement. Even the look on James' face is good after hearing scathing remarks about himself while listening to Laura's tape. And normally I just want to punch James (and Donna) in the face. Nadine's suicide attempt is really elaborate! Norma seems physically (visually) disgusted by Hank; so am I. Leland is starting to lose it.

Best Lynch moment: Leo hiding behind the door with an axe.

Best Line: "BE QUIET! I'm thinking. . . ." Catherine to Shelley while the mill is on fire.

coffee, pie, or doughnut references: 1

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I stand amazed and corrected.



Never before would I have thought that I'd enjoy THIS more than Indy, but it's true. And I'm going to be honest here (anonymous comments be damned) because SAFETY in blogging never got anyone anywhere, and I'd rather be interesting and maybe a bit rude than safe and boring.

I didn't think I'd like it, and the beginning was really sappy and annoying. Matt was rolling his eyes the whole time and yelled at one point, THIS IS SUCH CRAP, WHO REALLY LIVES THIS WAY?!?!? I agreed. It's kind of disturbing (all the materialism) in the given economical situation that people out there put more focus onto shoes and bags when there are starving children and wars going on. . . .but hey, their choice, I guess. I was starting to get annoyed at how the kids (Lilly and Brady) were just shoved into the background and only occasionally acknowledged, but that got better as the film went on. After the wedding aftermath and Miranda and Steve's issues came around it seemed much more realistic and interesting. Not that I was yearning for bad things to happen to the girls (I loved how the series ended, with everything pretty much on a good note) but as a writer, I consider often how despite my tendencies toward optimism and making everything all right, people do not want to read page after page of fabulous with little to no conflict. That's how this started out for me.

I thought they all looked wonderful and only one outfit really annoyed me (Miranda's knee high boots in the park toward the end) but you could tell they are showing signs of aging, which is actually really refreshing. It's nice when you see famous actors/actresses take on roles where they can look physically vulnerable (or haggard after a horrible event) and do it with gusto. It gave Carrie a lot more substance and not just all shoes and neuroses.

I was kind of bored with Samantha's story, the valentine's sushi? Meh.

Otherwise very enjoyable. The bit with the shoe being the PROPOSAL TOOL. . . . how fitting. The minute she hung up the phone with Louise from St. Louis everyone in the room (3 people) said almost in the same way, OH MY GOD, MY FUCKING SHOES!!!! (ala Kelly/ Liam Sullivan). (These shoes are mine, betch.)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Oh Boy. . .


We tried watching SATC tonight. I would have given it a bit more but Matt was FREAKING at every new scene. We got to the trying on of things from Carrie's closet and he tore it out of the playstation and turned on Terminator 2. I was fully willing to watch with an open mind and find the good in it, and I still plan to SO NO ONE START CALLING ME A HATER AGAIN. From what I saw, Carrie looked cute, I loved the scenes with Big, and Miranda looked super good. The other two. . . meh.
Then we tried watching LICENSE TO DRIVE but couldn't finish it because the DVR kicked on and started taping SNL when it came on, which was actually really, really, funny, and the best option, all things considered. I think the MacGruber segments were my favorite. Oh, and Marky Mark showing up for a cameo.

Friday, October 17, 2008

It's Official: Spielberg's Number is Up




Indy: I really, really wanted to like it. I wanted to LOVE it! I gave it a good chance. I don't really want to complain, and a few anonymouses out there might comment that I'm a HATER and give me a huge, negative complex for a while. . . .

but I don't think the film was good. I enjoyed the fact that they got Marion back, and Cate Blanchett is a great actress, but there was really (to use a Peter Greg here) NOTHIN' DOIN' for me, the whole damned time. I looked up from my cross stitching about three times: Cate Blanchett flying off the car onto the crate revealing the ark of the covenant; the man-eating ants, and the alien counsel at the end. Everything else was very mediocre.

My thought is that the entire film was made as so the guard could be changed and Shia Le Bo-ku could take over and be the new Indy. Which I absolutely do not accept. The interaction between Indy and MUTT was very forced. Marion has gotten way too old. If she would have just yelled JONES a few times I might have felt different. Meh. I feel very. . . unfulfilled.

TEMPLE OF DOOM. . . .still my fave.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Also


I would just like to explain that the 31 horror movies in October extravaganza has been put on an indefinite hiatus as netflix seems to have LOST the film that was slotted for October 8. . . .

Nightmare on Elm Street is on deck.
NO RUNNING IN THE HALLWAYS!!!!

This is funny: I just did an image search for that creep that SAYS that to Nancy in Nightmare on Elm Street and what comes up is a heading of a blog I DID back in the day of my scariest moments in film, complete with a creepy picture of Norman Bates in front of the Bates House.

it's here for anyone who is interested.
READ IT HERE


apparently HALL MONITOR was what was needed. enjoy the photo.
and I am already getting creeped out.

Twin Peaks episode 6


airdate: May 17, 1990
director: Caleb Deschanel
writer: Harley Peyton

Summary: Lucy gets the result of her pregnancy test; Leo shoots Waldo; Cooper, Truman, and Ed Hurley go to One-Eyed Jack's; Maddie sets up Jacoby; Audrey goes undercover at One-Eyed Jack's; someone spies on Dr. Jacoby.

**two star rating: My Log Does Not Judge

notes: Perhaps if Audrey would have just *postponed* her little naked-in-bed stunt she would have been better received by Cooper. Shelley's (Madchen's) acting is actually all right when telling Bobby about shooting Leo. Unicorn=ancient symbol of purity, how ironic for the "freshly scented" perfume counter One-Eyed Jack's recruits. Cooper has a lot of good ideas and seems to me like a sophisticated and giddy nerd. Quite attractive, though. I feel really bad for Jacoby, innocent in all this. Poor hippy.

Best Lynch Moment: Leland watching (unobserved) Maddie sneak out of the house.

Best line: I DON'T LIKE BIRDS. --Coop, declining to feed Waldo.

New Characters: Waldo the Myna Bird, Mysterious Asian Man

Coffee, pie, or doughnut references: 2

Monday, October 13, 2008

Twin Peaks episode 5


airdate: May 10, 1990
director: Leslie Linka Glatter
writer: Mark Frost

Summary: Cooper and Truman visit the Log Lady and investigate Jacques' cabin (and find Waldo); Audrey gets a job at Horne's Department Store; Maddie agrees to help James and Donna; Ben and Josie plot to burn the sawmill; Hank beats up Leo; Shelley shoots Leo; Cooper finds Audrey in his bed.

***three star rating: Stab it and Steer

Notes: Coop gets a little giddy and boyish when getting excited over Fleshworld? LET'S SEE WHO'S WRITING TO RONNETTE! Margaret is the first one to challenge Coop by slapping his hand away from the cookies. What's up with Leo telling Shelley he misses her (out of the blue)? Nice shot of the four dudes lining up one at a time to look at Jacques' cabin.

Best Lynch Moment: The Log Lady

Best Line: "---not much meat on her, though." Hank Jennings, ABOUT SHELLEY JOHNSON.

New Characters: The Icelandic Investment Group

coffee, pie, or doughnut references: 4

Seriously



One of my all time favorites. I saw this when it originally came out on video; my mother of course forbade me from seeing it in the theaters as I was only in about fourth grade. . . come to think of it, she also freaked out when she found me watching the music video to the theme song "fright night" when it was on MTV. . .

Jerry Dandrige. PRINCE HUMPERDINK. Now that I can consider myself more of a middle aged filmgoer, Chris Sarandon was ***kind of *** hot. I get that he's really supposed to be all suave and lecherous and everything getting all these hot skanks to slink on into his fangs. . . but he's a little bit gruesome at the same time, and not just because he's a vampire. Did that little touch of physical affection between him and the roommate Billy at the end kind of confirm the fact that he's gay? and has therefore been fooling us all along? The mother actually says something about this to Charlie Brewster when they discuss the new neighbor, doesn't she?

The scariest part of this for me was always the part where Dandrige calls Charlie from next door, Charlie picks up but says nothing. Dandrige says, "I know you're there Charlie, I can SEE you. . . " then a super fast zoom out Charlie's window into Dandrige's to show that he is indeed, STANDING THERE STARING RIGHT AT HIM. Christ.
Another enjoyable part is Dandrige's beaming smiley reaction after waiting outside the door to hear Charlie screaming at the discovery that Amy has been bitten. Gross.

"Cut it out Evil, NOT FUNNY!"


Plus, that whole scene with the Vampire-Evil WEARING THE RED RAGGEDY ANNE WIG as Charlie's Mother is fricking hilarious. Really, really great stuff. Mmm-MMM! His dinner is in ithe oven!

Super Sweet film that I HIGHLY Recommend for any fan of 80s (comedy) horror.

Nice Marcy Darcy as Amy, too.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Twin Peaks episode 4


airdate: May 3, 1990
director: Tim Hunter
writer: Robert Engels

Summary: Sarah Palmer gives the detectives a description of Bob; the one-armed man (Philip Gerard) is found; Hank Jennings is paroled; Cooper investigates a veterinarian and learns about Waldo the myna bird; James meets Madeline; Leo kills Bernard; Ben Horne hired Leo to burn down the sawmill; the detectives search Jacques Renault's apartment; Donna and James search for the other half of the necklace.

*** three star rating: Stab it and steer!

Notes: What is up with Sarah's taking offense at Leland's telling Truman about the necklace vision? The theme from "Invitation to Love" is quite like Twin Peaks music. Affair between Lucy and Andy is revealed. "Oh my, yes!" Dr. Jacoby answers when asked if Laura had sexual problems. I rather enjoy Truman's hip little pacific northwest outfits. What is with that snowman in the sheriff's office? Coop and Truman stepping up to shoot the targets after having an emotional and deep conversation is AWESOME. Most of my favorite shots are these; Coop and Truman being all lawman hot and powerful.

Best Lynch moment: Ben Horne taking LITTLE ELVIS for a bath? Gross.

Best line: "File it under 'F' for 'Forget it.'"--Cooper to Gordon Kohl

New Characters: Gordon Kohl, Hank Jennings

coffee, pie, or doughnut references: 1

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Actual Terror in the Aisles




1. The Silence of the Lambs

I saw this when it was on its first run in the year 1991 at the Miller Hill Mall Theater in Duluth. My cousin Heidi was 19, I was 14, and she took me. She had a look about her that was very much like Julia Roberts at the time, complete with a perfect spiral perm. My hair was mousy and hacked. That she was even hanging out with me made it the best day of my life, but going to what was rumored to be the scariest film ever made. . . it was the coolest.

I remember getting to the theater late, right as the girls (Clarice and Ardelia) were doing their jogging and already being wonderfully nervous. Imagine my delight and surprise when it DID turn out to be the scariest film I'd ever seen. . . between Benjamin Raspael, multiple Miggs, the skin suits, THE TWO COPS IN LECTOR'S PRIVATE CELL. . . holy Christ I didn't know what hit me. I was literally trembling in my seat for pretty much the entire thing. Something that happened then and each subsequent time I saw this was that severely uncomfortable feeling of claustrophobia when she's shut in that basement at the end when you know he's lurking around but she can't see anything. . . .it's just something that has always seemed so TOO realistic for me.

I do enjoy seeing the FBI sheet cake being cut at the end during Clarice's graduation. Incorporating food is a sure fire way to win me over every time.



2. Se7en

Cut to five years later, same mall, for the next film rumored to be the scariest thing ever made. This time I actually had to keep looking around me to make sure some damned JOHN DOE wasn't sitting right next to me with his gritty dark gray David Fincher creepiness. I walked out of there CERTAIN that Fincher was the most genius man alive and that HOT DAMN would he please make more and more films like this. Everyone else in the group (St. Scholastica nurses, mostly) hated it. I loved it. Still do.

Frustrating Literature

1. Robinson Crusoe. It took me all summer a month into fall to get through it. There were two parts that interested me: the growing of his crops and then the coming of "the others" to the island. The rest of the book was really difficult to care about. I put it right up there with "Walden." Boo.

2. The Balloon Hoax by Edgar Allen Poe. A short story at least but couldn't bring myself to care about it. . . .

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Twin Peaks episode 3



airdate: April 26, 1990
director: Tina Rathbone
writer: Harley Peyton

Summary: Cooper tells Sheriff Truman about his dream; Truman punches Albert; Madeleine Ferguson arrives; Norma Jennings talks to Hank's parole officer; the town attends Laura's funeral; Cooper meets the Bookhouse Boys; Truman interrogates Bernard Renault; Jacques Renault warns Leo about Truman's interest in their activities; Josie and Truman make love; Leland Palmer breaks down several times.

**** four star rating: Let's Rock!

Notes: Coop is very flirtatious with Audrey--nice touch asking her about women and One-Eyed Jack's. Wonderful scene replacing Laura's hand on her chest after Albert knocks it down. Coop is now more sympathetic and connected to Laura after having the dream about her. Bobby reaches up toward the large crucifix at first to imitate Christ on the cross but then to choke him instead? Jacoby helping Johnny Horne is very touching. Shelley seems to be quite the hit with the old codgers at the diner. Closes with the red stop light. The afterlife?

Best Lynch moment: Leland pitching onto the coffin

New Characters: Madeleine Ferguson, Joey Paulson, Bernard Renault

Coffee, pie, or doughnut references: 4

Terror in the Aisles




Always one of my favorites.

This is basically a documentary with many, many clips of sweet horror films hosted by Donald Pleasance.
Some that I still haven't seen yet but really want to after seeing this again:

1. Wait Until Dark
2. Nighthawks
3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers
4. Dressed to Kill
5. Marathon Man
6. Midnight Express

Martin Landeau in LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT? Why haven't I seen this yet?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Twin Peaks episode 2



airdate: April 19, 1990
director: David Lynch
writers: David Lynch and Mark Frost

Summary: Ben and Jerry go to One-Eyed Jack's; Leo orders Mike and Bobby to come up with the rest of the drug money; Cooper introduces his rock throwing technique; Albert Rosenfeld arrives; Nadine invents silent drape runners; Cooper has a dream of BOB, Mike, and the little man from another place.

**** four star rating: Let's Rock!

Notes: Ben's eager look at the brie sandwich is funny; does the sandwich remind him of those chicks down by the river because of the crotchy cheese smell or what? Jerry looks down at the sandwich when discussing Laura's death; was he screwing her too? Reference to "freshly scented" new girl at One-Eyed Jack's. Nice mention of church by Dr. Hayward when leaving his daughter alone with James. Blackie is very slinky. The new girl in this episode is VERY Lula Fortune. Interesting night shots of the falls. Who is that in the woods with Leo? When Coop throws the rocks, they hit the stumps for James and Josie, both with whom Laura has had sex. Mrs. Hayward notices Audrey at the diner--interesting connection. Lucy is reading a large book on Tibet--awesome. LOVE Coop's smile when Laura kisses him in the dream. Cute jammies.

Best Lynch Moment: Intro to the red room in the Black Lodge.

Best Line: "LEO NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES!" while shining flashlight down at shoes.

New Characters: Jerry Horne, Blackie O'Reilly, Albert Rosenfeld, Little Man from Another Place

Coffe, pie, or doughnut references: 6

Once in a Lifetime Whodunnit Weekend


April Fools Day

This is probably one of my favorite horror movies, ever. There are such random and weird happenings going on in this that sometimes I wonder why people didn't give it more credit for being such a sweet ass 80s film. When we were in about fifth grade, we would see this video cover at the movie store and wonder what in God's name the chick with the noose hair was playing at when she was racing around killing people. . . unfortunately it was just cover art and not an ACTUAL character with that hair. Pity.

1. Nikki is totally my favorite character in this, ever, and this is a little awkward since she very closely resembles one of Matt's high school girlfriends (Kelly). I love her fashion. Jean jacket with doily embroidery? Ruffly peasant shirt and jeans with lots of dangly necklaces and earrings? White sweat pants (rolled) with grey hoodie CUTTER and similarly cut hot pink T-shirt underneath? Oversize flashdance-style cut off the shoulder t-shirt with leggings. I love it.

2. I have a feeling that when I first watched this, back in fifth grade, KIT would have been my favorite as her hair was LONG and BLOND. (I will call this this Betty Childs syndrome of me thinking someone fitting these requirements = number one. this went on until approximately 1996).

3. "Please God Let it be Ding-Dongs." I'm glad this line has survived the years and is a part of my normal banter on a regular basis.

4. The scene between Nikki and Hal at the well is by far my favorite. Who in the hell would say, "Aw, CRAP," when a bucket falls into the well? Hardly any movies use CRAP in dialogue at all. It has a great, blunt impact; I think we need to bring it back.

5. Antics with the faux-corpse heads at the end are great, throwing it at various people, having it perform fellatio, having it knock back pulls on the dom and the way Chaz makes it follow the mob that showers Muffy with champagne so IT TOO gets showered.

6. The ending with Nan? Is this meant to suggest she enjoys the last laugh because she holds a grudge about the abortion tape? Hmmm. Or maybe SHE has a crazy twin, too.

ALSO: Actor who plays SKIP (Muffy's twin brother) is none other than GRIFFIN O'NEAL (Merry Christmas, Griffin), brother of Tatum. I wonder which particular drugs he was using at this time in his life? Or if Ryan would beat the shit out of him after shooting each day?

I especially like the way this whole "elimination" of victims seems a little personal. Skip, causes Buck's accident on the ferry and does drugs to escape the guilt, he gets axed first. Arch is an obnoxious prankster, he gets hung by his leg above a snake. Nan apparently has had an abortion; she gets taken and thrown in the well with the two guys' heads, etc., etc. We learn just enough about each character to know what's coming up next.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The horror list

1. April Fools' Day
2. Christine
3. Terror in the Aisles
4. When a Stranger Calls
5. The Silence of the Lambs
6. Se7en
7. Psycho 2
8. The Exorcist
9. Cat's Eye
10. The Twilight Zone Movie
11. Fire Walk With Me
12. Doctor Sleep/Close Your Eyes
13. Children of the Corn
14. Misery
15. Psycho 3
16. Friday the Thirteenth
17. Hannibal
18. A Nightmare on Elm Street
19. The Shining
20. Scream
21. I Know What You Did Last Summer
22. Fright Night
23. Friday the Thirteenth part 2
24. Psycho 4: The Beginning
25. Pet Semetary
26. Cujo
27. A NIghtmare on Elm Street part 2
28. Red Dragon
29. Friday the Thirteenth part 3
30. Scream 2
31. Halloween 3: The Season of the Witch

Twin Peaks episode 1


airdate: April 12, 1990
director: Duwayne Dunham
writers: David Lynch, Mark Frost

Summary: Cooper receives the preliminary autopsy report; Shelley finds Leo's bloody shirt; Cooper watches the video of Laura at the picnic; James, Bobby, and Mike are released; Pete discovers a fish in his percolator; Catherine and Ben plot to burn the saw mill; Deputy Hawk sees the one-armed man; the Log Lady promises that "one day my log will have something to say;" Leo beats Shelley; Dr. Jacoby has the necklace.

*** Three star rating. Stab it and steer.

Notes: Cooper seems intrigued and suspicious of Audrey immediately. Leo's truck is "Big Pussycat." Laura and Donna's dancing is heinous. People around here say "not exactly" a lot. Josie slinking around the house in her scant nightgown is rather inappropriate. Bright red dress? (Lil?) Ronnette's father's tone is amusing, "she used to joke, it was the sweetest-smelling job she ever had. . . " Was it a rule that all women had to wear knee-length skirts? I enjoy Behmer as Ben Horne. Norma seems cold toward Cooper until he orders more pie. Good code red with the soap in the sock when Leo assults Shelley. Was Leo an ex-Marine like Bobby Peru? Dr. Jacoby has an obnoxious way of eating.

Best Lynch moment: Cooper and Audrey: DO YOUR PALMS EVER ITCH?

Best line: BY GOD THOSE THINGS WILL BE QUIET NOW! --Nadine Hurley

New Characters: The "Bookhouse Boys," the one-armed man

Coffee, pie, or doughnut references: 9

Plans for October


31 Days of Twin Peaks and nostalgic horror films.

more to follow as details come available.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Who Moved My Cheese?


This is probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever read, right up there with Men Are From Mars. . . .
They brought it out in video form about four years ago when I was working at Northwest Airlines, and
I felt the same way about it then.

This is what I see the author saying when pitching this to an agent:
This book is for all the executives of the companies who are going to need to be outsourcing and laying off in the up-and-coming bad economy months, and they can just give this book to the people they're going to can. It's written in really childish language and it has a great moral dilemma to it that these peons will appreciate and this will make them forget all about being laid off. What this book does is throw it back in their court: it's not the businesses that are at fault by laying people off and eliminating jobs, it's the PEOPLE's faults. They need to learn to not have expectations; we need to try to explain to them that having expectations makes them lesser humans. They need to realize that everything negative that happens to them is actually deserved by some weakness within themselves. Just insert the pink slip INSIDE the book and leave it in the employees' mailboxes.

SUPER STUPES.

Friday, September 19, 2008

My Favorite Potter


We watched a few minutes of "Order of the Phoenix" tonight, the ending scene. It makes me cry every time.
I think it's some of the best storytelling/filmmaking I've ever seen.

1. SIRIUS: GET AWAY FROM MY GODSON! (smacks Lucius right in the face).

2. Bellatrix LeStrange. WONDERFUL in every scene she has. I love HBC, she was perfect as Bella.

3. Sirius's nonverbal spells while dueling Lucius. Apparently Harry picks up on how to do nonverbals as well? Last two blows before his death (to Lucius) are lovely.

4. Lupin holding Harry as he cries for Sirius. The overlapping of shots and no sound but the sad music is also beautiful.

5. Voldemort waving away Harry's wand. Dumbledore emerging from the flu network. Voldemort having the confidence to battle with Dumbledore. The wand noises, the fiery snake, the electric shocks when the wands connect, the big water ball, and Voldemort trying to curse Harry from within it.

6. My favorite, FAVORITE scene in the entire film is when V draws in the energy from Dumbledore's spell and then flails his arms out and yells, sending it all out everywhere throughout the ministry, breaking all the glass, shattering everything, everywhere. It is seriously AMAZING. I wish I could do that, but for good instead of evil.

annoying


I am having a few issues with the show "Bringing Home Baby," lately. I'm not trying to get up on my high horse or anything, but the people they have on this show most of the time are seriously the dumbest people I've ever seen. I mean, half the time I'm wondering how the hell most of them even had the know-how to CONCEIVE, let alone change a damned diaper. To be fair, these people probably have been reading about how most newborn babies eat every 4 hours and then wonder why the baby is screaming to eat when it had just been fed 90 minutes ago. . . .but I guess that's a lesson every parent has to learn on their own.

Another thing that bothers me is how many of these families are filled with DOGS!!! DOGS ALL OVER THE HOUSE, yipping, smelling, snarling at the babies! Oh I just want to gag. Get those disgusting dogs away from the damned INFANT! Gross. The dude on today was this totally anally rententive germophobe who was completely freaking out about germs and dirt and people using hand sanitizer (a goddamned INSURANCE ADJUSTER no less, so a slippery, dishonest, GOBLIN to boot) but yet was completely fine with about 4 disgusting yippy dogs all over the place. I just wanted to reach through the television and slap him.

I couldn't handle any more so I flipped ahead one station to A&E, what a pleasant surprise to find The Sopranos on! Why hadn't I been watching that instead? With my mood being very combative and foul (after the douche on Bringing Home Baby) the violence and darkness was a welcome change.

ugh.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Burn vs. Enemy


1. Burn After Reading. hee hee hee. I never thought it would be possible, but they made Clooney look so ridiculous that he was completely unattractive to me. Brad Pitt was absolutely GROSS, but entertaining. McDormand stole the show. True to form, I was not that totally impressed by the film but know that I'll love it 50 times more the next time I see it.



2. MOVING ONTO THE VERY FILM THEY WERE PROBABLY MOCKING. . . . . Enemy of the State. Isn't it funny how years ago, when I first saw this (in the theater), I thought it was super awesome. . . . I am watching it right now and am 30 seconds away from turning it off and peeing on the disk. Now that I've been trying to write more and more, the whole method of storytelling going on in this film, especially the beginning, seems to be very, very childish. They can't find an interesting way of **showing** us the history between Robert and Rachel (Will Smith and Lisa Bonet) so they have to come out with every single detail, outright, and with horrid, obvious, stupidity. The credits, though probably cutting edge at the time, are cheesy and Bruckheimer-ridiculous, together with the bad emotional-rise theme music. Will Smith's lines are lame. The only things enjoyable are Jason Lee (fuck a duck! HOLY SHIT! after seeing the murder on his goose-tape) and the innocent bystander telling Will Smith about some guy on a bike "getting creamed."

Thursday, September 11, 2008

the constant gardner



hmmmm. this was a very good film but a huge downer.
i have decided that i don't really like mass conspiracy theory/mass public health scare/political thrillers anymore as they
tend to put a damper on my optimism.

ralph fiennes has a very nerdy hotness about him, not as picture perfect as his brother joseph, of course, but nice.

rachel weiz is wonderful. she was in the mummy films? what the hell?!?!?!?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

one last thing



this guy (ha ha) is hot.

all things that are good

O Brother Where Art Thou?
Planet Terror
Bird by Bird (Anne Lamott)
A Good Man is Hard to Find (Flannery O'connor)



George Clooney is fricking hilarious as an idiot. I hope he does many more pictures with the Coens. The thing I loved most about O Brother was the music, or just generally watching George Clooney be an idiot. He does a great idiot as Miles Massey in Intolerable Cruelty too. The best scene for me was in Woolworth's was when he leaned in close to Holly Hunter saying, "I have travelled many a weary mile to be with my wife and my six girls. . . " and she gives him a look like she might rip his clothes off and make out with him but really she's super pissed at him and keeps telling the daughters how he was hit by a train. If I was Holly Hunter I probably would have wanted about 45909 takes of that scene. The Coens have a great way of seeing the ridiculous humor in life, even if it's a dark humor. Things still pretty much end okay in their films.

Robert Rodriguez really knows how to make a film. Planet Terror for me was like Halloween 3, Season of the Witch but done well and with zombies instead of robots. I have to protest a little with the kid shooting his head off in the car, just because it's really disturbing and I don't know necessary (better than being ripped apart by zombies?). Or is he putting the blame on the mother for leaving him in that car, alone with a loaded gun? Maybe old man Brolin got him, who knows. Even though I know that Rodriguez has 4 boys and that he'll know things and make decisions (re: kids in film) in a different way than the childless Tarantino, it seems to me Tarantino and Uma Thurman had more rapport going when it came to being parentally sensitive. I don't think any **actual** mother would have left her child alone in the car where zombies might get him, especially with a loaded gun. (Blind Mary INgalls leaving the baby in the burning school while she helps OTHER KIDS? No.) Hit the road and don't look back, DAKOTA. See? Beatrix Kiddo would never have done that.



A Good Man is Hard to Find: Very, very disheartening. Who shoots babies? Is the theme of this story that these kids were brats, the parents didn't teach them to be better, more respectful, so they had it coming? Very disturbing. I thought of how stories like these are realistic, in the run of things, since the world is so full of disturbing events, normally. To deny this is to deny reality. I just don't know if I like read about it or watch it, this disturbing reality. I sometimes prefer my rose-colored false reality where everything is all right, people are basically good at heart, and love is enough.

Which brings me to Anne Lamott. I loved her book, Bird by Bird, but I got the distinct feeling that she has led a very jaded, manic life. Does everything have to be so damned dismal? She's very clever and a great teacher of the craft of writing, but sometimes I had to wonder if someone with a more optimistic approach could have written the same thing with a more uplifting, positive feel to it. You can tell right away if someone is pissed at the world. . . I think she might be.

Monday, July 28, 2008

wow.



If it were biologically possible, I may have just walked out of that theater impreganted just from watching.
Jesus H.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Sex, sex, sex




1. Juno. Good. Music got annoying: too much and too often. I sometimes wished they were talking about something I was interested in (instead of boring punk music, nintendo or more on the film stuff). The first half was kind of blah, like yes, you're clever and articulate. Not clever enough to maneuver your way through some simple birth control though? Please. The second half was much, much better and very emotionally charged. Well done.




2. Original Sin. Probably the most explicit sex scene I've ever seen in a feature film (that wasn't I heart your C), TAXI ZUM KLO excepted, of course. WOW. That was crazy. Any yearning to see Angelina Jolie's breasts? Give this one a try. She looked weird during this whole thing, like sick or on something. I guess it was probably during the time when she was with Billy Bob or God knows who else. . . she cleans up pretty well, especially when she's preggo. This film was kind of ho-hum, even considering the sex scenes until the very end when that creepy dude kept following her around? Then I was a little disappointed that I hadn't paid more attention, as I had been trying to watch this and read my book at the same time. Then, outside, some sort of commotion was going on at the house across the street and the hooligans were crusing by very slowly BLASTING their hip hop from the car and then keeping it on while they parked for approximately 30 minutes. I finally had to get up and see what was going on out there when what appared to be a child ran out of the car and up into the neighbor's yard, followed by two adult gentlemen. I promptly made sure the doors were locked and retired for the evening.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Lost Diaries: Episode 23 and 24


Exodus parts 1 and 2

"The French woman—Danielle Rousseau (guest star Mira Furlan)—shocks the survivors by showing up to the camp with a dire warning about "the Others" who are on the island, and the black smoke that precedes them. Meanwhile, Michael and Jin ready the raft for sailing. In flashbacks, we see the survivors final moments before they boarded their fateful flight."

read here

"The castaways on the raft run into unexpected trouble. Meanwhile, the remaining islanders attempt to blow open the hatch. Flashbacks continue to show the survivors' final moments before boarding their fateful flight."

read here

YES! Jack and Sawyer's Goodbye? I can't believe it. What is the fire burning business on the other side of the island? Sayid has keen insight into Rousseau's actions. Poor Claire. I don't think she can take much more of all this. What a wonderful show.

Here are the things I wrote when I originally finshed the first season, back in May. I thought they'd be, you know, relevant:


this is out of order from the lost diaries but i had to do it.

we finished it yesterday. it's like 24 now, where i keep thinking about it all the time and obsessing.
these are the thoughts i had after the end.....

hurley gets a lot of good one-liners (sarcasm)....like a security system that eats people?

wtf are the moving shadows/clicking noises? SERIOUSLY?

locke is okay with being pulled into the black hole? jack and kate threw TNT into the hole; the island is gonna be pissed.....

a "Locke problem?" if we live through this? science vs. faith. surgeon vs. freaky marlon brando guy?

funny how shannon seemed so random and insignificant at the beginning. now she gets to bone with sayid and hear the whispers! that's big!

sawyer and jack's goodbye is probably my favorite moment of the whole show. LOVE THEM BOTH. LOTS.

WALT. brian the step dad didn't want to raise him/said THINGS HAPPEN with him? what kind of "special" is this kid? he also said not to open the hatch. he TOLD locke this and he opened it anyway. you'd think that Locke would be able to sense if what walt was telling him was important....

where is beatrix kiddo on this island? don't let ANYONE mess with the pregnant chick OR her baby. what could be worse? sayid understands. do not try to understand her, she's a woman who's lost her child (rousseau). crazy old french bat. i'm sure this happens frequently in iraq; the losing of children.


WHAT IS WITH THE DELIVERANCE DUDES IN THE BOAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!? seriously! people have a way of being a bit too loose with their kids on this show. GRIP THEM TIGHTLY. do not let others remove them from your clutches. CHRIST. i have 3 kids and i am already mentally working out how i could cling onto them in the event of kidnapping island hillbillies or random tsunamis: zizzy on back, bubby in front helping me hold beebins. bite attackers with sharp teeth if need be. kick and flail like ruth stupes running away from the abortion house.


my theory on this is that it is an isolation booth that everyone is hooked up to, separately. the gvt is doing experiments on them, OR ALIENS. what makes me think this are the polar bears. and the random boats and planes. AND the hatch.
i made matt get season 2 last night. i am sooooooo excited.

Lost Diaries: Episode 22



Born To Run

"Jack suspects foul play when Michael becomes violently ill while building the raft. The suspects include Sawyer and Kate, who compete for the last seat on the raft and do anything possible to prevent each other from getting it. Meanwhile, a secret from Kate's past is revealed to the other survivors on the island."

read here

So was it Sun who doctored the water? WHAT UP? I was frankly expecting more from Kate's history and that ridiculous little airplane. The stuff about her and the old man is great, this is well, mediocre at best. I think the episodes leading up to the finales just have to be kind of dumb. Otherwise, how could they pull us all back in for another season next year if they don't pull out all the stops?
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