Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I'm just going to go ahead and be blunt; I couldn't stomach this. I saw it in the theater when it came out in 1999 and was probably weirded out a little back then, but this time I wasn't weirded out as much as I was bored and annoyed. So I turned it off after about forty minutes and watched The Hangover instead, which while not exactly edgey is still a fine, fine film.

This was directed by Joel Schumacher. And while I give the guy credit for directing a boat load of good crappy films (I'll even argue that St. Elmo's Fire and The Lost Boys are great films, no crap involved) I think he missed the mark with this, big time.

1. If you are going to try to convince me that this private detective is plunging deeper and deeper into this dark world of pornography, and this film is supposed to be all dark and the dark subject matter and the darkness and everything, then you'd do well to adjust the dialogues to not be so fricking RIDICULOUS! Something cannot be dark when it's so silly that it makes me shudder and laugh. The phone conversations, no matter who they were between, were the cheesiest, lamest things in America. I can't even believe Nic Cage agreed to do them. I've heard better exchanges on Saved by the Bell.

2. I have a hard time believing that any new father (of a baby girl) would be tromping off getting more and more involved in this stuff, especially when it becomes clear that his own life and safety are on the line. Yeah it's horrible that this disgusting thing happened to the runaway girl and all, but jeez, man, just get the hell out and find a new gig.

3. So the steel tycoon's wife wants verification that the film is fake so her husband's reputation won't suffer? He had a snuff film in his locked safe, one where a girl is murdered by stabbing, or simulated as such. If this is what it takes for your ancient old man to get his rocks off, I don't think real or fake is going to matter much either way, you were married to a sick freak. End of story. (or as we say around here, old people #!@%ing is gross)

I had no sympathy for anyone. I squeezed the disk as if to do it harm when I set it out in the mailbox this morning. Boo.