Sunday, November 6, 2011

Tales From The Crypt, Season Two

Yes, I know it's been far too long. Would you believe that I've been working on this for nearly a week? I had a post started and saved that actually OMITTED these following episodes as they were so incredibly lame, but I'm trying to stay true to my word here. So fair warning, these really won't be anything close to official "reviews," more just like a list of reasons to stay away from them . . .

1. The Sacrifice. "Hotshot insurance salesman James becomes involved with the beautiful and seductive Gloria Fleming, who's the wife of crude tycoon Sebastian Fleming. James and Gloria decide to bump Sebastian off for his considerable money. They succeed with killing Sebastian, but things go awry when the meddlesome Jerry enters the picture claiming he has photographic evidence of the murder." (IMDB).


 The best thing about this was Jester (Michael Ironside) from Top Gun as the scheming ex. I really can't remember much, other than an old dude getting pitched over a balcony and then someone having videotaped it from across the way. I thought the femme fatale lead was Jennifer Beals but it was actually Kim Delaney. Meh.

2. For Cryin' Out Loud. "A greedy rock promoter tries to steal the money raised at a benefit concert when his conscience intervenes." (IMDB). 

 This one was sort of all right. Katey Sagal (Miss Killbasser? and what was with that French Tickler thing?) was a nice touch, but she's in it only briefly before getting stuffed into the luggage. It's just silly and fun but still kind of weak, with an extremely weak premise. I think he may have stabbed himself in the ear, though, and ear damage really makes me squirm.

3. Four Sided Triangle. "Farmer George is attracted to Mary Jo, the nubile young woman who helps out with the chores. The problem is... she's in love with a scarecrow." (IMDB) 


On this one I'm just kind of speechless. Patricia Arquette is in it, without a bra (as Donald pointed out to me while we discussed it earlier) but I was just really disturbed by it and its very rape-y theme. Eddie from Major League ("Jo-Boo needs a refill") plays the icky farmer who seems to have a problem keeping his hands and dick to himself. The wife is Missy Dandrige from Pet Semetary, so casting is all right, the story is just extremely ridiculous. Nice scarecrow. And can someone explain the title to me?

4. The Ventriloquist's Dummy. "Wanting to improve his craft, a ventriloquist seeks out his long retired idol and discovers a shocking secret." (IMDB). 

This one is the diamond in the rough; if you see any episodes from the second season, see this one. I won't spoil anything, because it's seriously worth being surprised by the "twist," if you can call it that, but this one works due to, 1. Don Rickles, and 2. the actions of the "twist," after it's revealed. I laughed hard, and a lot. I kind of want to watch it again, actually.

5. Judy, You're Not Yourself Today. "A housewife stressed out by her husbands reckless behavior welcomes an elderly cosmetics saleswoman in to her home. Only to discover that the old hag has another more devious motive." (IMDB). 

Um, quite possibly the weakest one I've ever seen. Carole Kane and the grandmother from Happy Gilmore were decent, but the story is super bad. Super bad.

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