Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Lineup.

All right everyone, here are your WORST FILMS EVER MADE: (categorized and everything).

High Profile Disasters (vodka)
1. Gigli
2. Nothing But Trouble
3. Desperate Measures
4. The Happening
5. Pearl Harbor
6. Speed 2
7. Mortal Thoughts
8. Titanic
9. The Bounty Hunter
10. Lady in the Water
11. A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
12. The Wicker Man
13. The Box
13.5 Vanilla Sky


Misunderstood/Rubbed People Wrong (beer)
14. Punch Drunk Love
15. Altered States
16. Cloverfield
17. Under The Cherry Moon
18. Freeway
19. Chronicles of Riddick


Low-Budget/Ridiculous (rum)
20. Funhouse
21. Troll
22. Descent
23. The Mutant Chronicles

Cheese (whiskey)
24. Bring It On, Again
IS THAT ELOISE HAWKING? JESUS!
25. Bedazzled
26. The Pink Chiquitas
27. Stepbrothers
28. Blades of Glory
29. Anchor Man
30. Balls of Fury
31. Eight Crazy Nights


Chick Flicks (malt beverages)
32. Nights in Rodanth
33. Friends With Money
34. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
35. All About Steve
36. You've Got Mail
37. Hope Floats
38. Crossroads

Hopefully I can finish this without becoming a certified alcoholic.

11 comments:

Donald said...

There are a couple of good movies on this list. All things considered... some of these movies are terrible, but most actually aren't that bad. I think you just solicited help from a lot of people with bad taste.

But you still won't have much fun.

lynxymama said...

there is redeeming work on hope floats from that child actress who's now on that show parenthood and you get to look at harry connick jr. !

television lady said...

we are all God's children . . .

and i do actually dig a few, but by and large, this is a legitimate shit list. the first three were absolutely horrid, and i was fucking SICK from watching gigli or some tropical stomach virus so i haven't even been able to drink for any of them yet, so fully sober, i'd probably turn inside out.

this is very unsettling.

Justin Garrett Blum said...

By no stretch of the imagination does Titanic deserve to be on a list of the worst films of all time. That's just backlash at work.

There are a few others, as well, that I don't feel should be on these lists (e.g. Chronicles of Riddick), but I wouldn't make a stink about it, I guess.

Donald said...

I'd make a stink. Riddick is awesome. And Titanic is one of my all time favorites. I love that movie.

television lady said...

i asked everyone what they thought and reported them all honestly. i won't rag on anyone for not liking any certain film, had this been a BEST FILMS EVER list, i'm sure some of mine would have caused a downright uproar (Porky's Series, Serial Mom, PSYCHO 3, etc.)

light hearted, this blog is. if we need to start stinks, that's fine, we just need to do it on my mothering blog.
plus, i invite anyone who wants to *discuss* to come over here and join me drinking drinks. this list is mostly just a ploy to get people to reply to my writing so I don't feel inadequate and small and friendless.

also, the timing of this list just happens to coincide with me not only allowing outsiders to read some of my fiction stuff but actually submitting it to the establishment, so as a true paranoid writer with self esteem problems, i can watch things that other people think are crappy so I can tell myself that my projects are less crappy. (fragile, must be italian).

Justin Garrett Blum said...

Sorry--didn't mean to make it sound as though I was actually upset by seeing Titanic on here. I was just sayin'...

television lady said...

no, no offense taken. this is a safe place. we have fun here, right?

Confessions of a Mom said...

Sorry those who love it, but I agree that Titanic should not only be on the list, but a bit higher up. :) Give me a documentary on the Titanic anyday. I'd even swap it out with "Blades of Glory" lower down on the list. :)

Donald said...

I am actually upset that Titanic is on the list! It might not be your cup of tea, but it's a well done film. Of course, if what you want is a documentary on the Titanic, well, then of course you won't enjoy a dramatization. But that'd be like saying the Godfather sucks because there are more accurate depictions of the Mafia on the History Channel.

television lady said...

i think these are valid arguments, and I planned on taking TITANIC as an opportunity to discuss Cameron's fine directing abilities compared with his dismal writing abilities. I don't think Titanic is a bad film per se, but I there are definitely gross things about it (rose dewitt bucater).

and some people i know seriously hated The Godfather, which literally, makes my head spin, but you know, whatever floats your boat (OR SINKS IT) ha ha ha ha ha.

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