Friday, December 3, 2010

Breaker, Breaker. Bad Lieutenant.

Breaker, Breaker, 1977, directed by Don Hulette.

"Truck driver searches for his brother, who has disappeared in a town run by a corrupt judge." (IMDB).

This stars Chuck Norris, and funny enough, it's the first Chuck Norris film I've seen. That said, you can't really *tell* it's Chuck Norris, as he's quite young and his martial arts skills as showcased in the film were a little boring, despite the fact that he'd accomplished quite a lot in competitions before becoming an actor.

In trying to come up with something to say about this production, I was reminded of a strange situation I was involved in during my senior year in high school. I was playing piano for something, and for some reason, my parents decided to show up to watch this. Also, I was pulled over by a highway patrolman on the way there, an Elvis-impersonating one. Not kidding. Anyway. It was a very interesting situation, group of people, etc. Apparently my dad didn't say much, only that 1. "This place looks like the warden at Stillwater opened the cells and asked them if they wanted to come to a wedding," and 2. "Can we get the hell out of here?"

This film was a little like that, as in Any of you Hillbillies wanna be in a film? Line up, and spit your chew out before the camera rolls over you. Naw, you don't need to rehearse your lines. And just duck when Norris comes at yeh, see? Hell no, we ain't need no choreographers, just lift your leg up a few times, pretend like you kickin' em in the head and we all good.

Although I did like all the truckers DRIVING OVER THE TOWN at the end, that was sweet. Thanks, VD. And what the hell was up with that bartender and all her crazy dolls?

Bad Lieutenant, 1992, directed by Abel Ferrera.

"While investigating a young nun's rape, a corrupt New York City police detective, with a serious drug and gambling addiction, tries to change his ways and find forgiveness." (IMDB).

Speechless. I wouldn't even know where to start. When I told Matt I was watching this the other night, he said, "Because you haven't seen enough of Keitel's cock to last you a lifetime?" (Indeed. Gary Reynolds, one of my fave film professors referenced his full frontal in The Piano as proving "what's good for the goose is good for the gander. . . ")

Yeah, no thanks. I need to get this disk out of my house, it's like a Horcrux or something.

DECEMBER FILM LIST (worst films ever made). I'm closing it tonight, so if you want in, you have until midnight. I have a list; it's already making me shudder. Topping the list are Sandy, J-Aniston, and Will Ferrell.