Sunday, October 9, 2011

Tales From The Crypt, Season Two: Till Death, 3s a Crowd, The Thing From The Grave

I really hate to be a negative Nancy, but these three (back-to-back) were really not great. This happens in The Twilight Zone occasionally also, where you have to suffer through a few groaners in order to get to the brilliant ones. I don't know where Top Billing rates in the chronology of this series, but damn, I hope it's soon.

Looking good, Maggie.
Till Death
Starring: D.W. Moffett

I'm just going to start writing my own synopsis-es now; IMDB's seem to be written by idiotic amateurs.
Gold Digger romances a (voodoo-practicing) native woman and breaks her heart. To get even, she cooks up a special love potion for his next victim to ensure she'll always be with him----till death AND BEYOND!

The transition from uptight "bitch on wheels" to um, well, hot-to-trot nymphomaniac was funny. As was her ridiculous falsetto-virbrato voice all the time, especially after her death. The rotting corpse just keeps getting more disgusting, which was nice, and the ending was clever (oh, so you're just going to kill yourself to escape her? I think not, say the Voodoo gal); it's entertaining. Definitely the best of the lineup of these three . . .

Three's a Crowd

Seriously, could he be any grosser?
starring: Gavan O'Herlihy, Paul Lieber, Ruth de Sosa

In an episode that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, a horrible, drunken, bitter jackass of a man suspects his innocent, leagues-superior, and secretly pregnant wife of having an affair with his friend. Turns out they were just planning an anniversary party to announce the pregnancy, to which the jealous husband drags her dead corpse, shocking everyone.

UUUGGGGGHHHHHHH. This one literally makes me want to vomit. That dude (O'Herlihy) is (sorry), the grossest, foulest, most disgusting man in existence. I mean, I think there might have been a necrophile reference also, after he killed her ("let's go work on that kid some more?") Come on. I watched this and I wanted to physically harm the guy. If Bill Sadler embodied the physical attributes of my absolute worst creepy ex, then this jerk had his jealousy act down to perfection. DIE. If I ever see this one again my head just might explode. Yuck. NO CLIPS.

The Thing From The Grave
Starring: Miguel Ferrer, Teri Hatcher, Kyle Secor

This was so ridiculous I don't even know what happened, really. Teri Hatcher plays a model with an abusive boyfriend (Ferrer) and low self-esteem, what a shocker. Secor is, surprise, the photographer that offers her refuge from the creep; boyfriend finds out, kills the photographer, but he takes his promise so seriously that he returns (from the grave) to save her again. I think there may have been a date-rape scene between Ferrer and Hatcher which is obviously upsetting, but I think I was so bored that I was doing other things by then (I was probably returning videotapes). YAWN.